I'm a melancholic!

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So... I seem to have a pretty depressive personality... and it can get to my friends a little sometimes... just... generally I seem to be pretty depressed, although I hate to use that word because it kinda feels selfish to say that I'm depressed because I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there suffering a whole lot more than me. I mean just before christmas I told a girl (admittedly via facebook... and only known her since last september... which probably isn't a good thing) that I like her... she's 18, I'm 16. But yeah, she's not gotten back to me and I have the feeling she probably doesn't feel the same way... other than that my family is pretty low on money... we've never really had a lot of money though... never really had the money to spare for luxuries... oh and I very rarely go out any more... I don't know... to me it doesn't sound like too much to be depressed about, but hey... here I am ranting about how my life sucks and every time someone asks me how I am I -crave- to tell them that I feel like utter s**t and would rather be hibernating at this point in my life but... I usually just tell them I'm fine or I'm good or... whatever.

Perhaps it's something to do with the not getting out much thing? I mean every weekend as a kid I'd always used to have to have a friend round or go to a friends house or else I wouldn't feel like I'd done anything productive, and would really struggle going into school that week. However after GCSE I lost touch with most of my local friends and... well, spend most of my life indoors as I say. I'd love to be out and about with friends and so on, but when I try to organise stuff, turns out people are busy and already have lives, would you believe it?

I seem to perk up a lot when I'm doing Tae Kwon Do (korean martial art that involves a lot of kicking), and I'm starting to do that 3 times a week as of next week, instead of once a week... I really enjoy doing that... but other than that I feel like a douche who's dragging everyone down! Is there any way... like... not to be such a downer? I mean I have tried to just... not be such a downer... but that didn't go so well...

Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated and I'm -really- sorry if this seems like I'm being extreme or anything. I hate to put myself ahead of others... which is exactly why I'm asking for advice.

Are there any AS activity groups in your area? Those could motivate you to go out and give you people to socialise with. Try asking your social worker if you have one or getting in touch with NAS. My friend in Manchester goes to one. Also you could try befriending people in your Tae Kwo Do class, are there any there your age?

Yeah, there are, and whilst we get along well... I can't... really think of any way to develop a healthy outside of class relationship... they're just not really the kind to person to understand Aspergers. and I'm not sure about the Aspergers group... but I live sorta close to manchester myself. But still, I don't think that'd satisfy me... what would satisfy me most would be going out to the cinema or bowling or going out places generally, I'm not a big fan of being cooped up in small spaces for long periods of time any more. I used to love it, can't think of what happened but I guess people just change, heh.

As I say... I have friends, just none that it would be realistic to go out places with them. I get the feeling being with this girl I like would make my life a whole lot better... I know she likes going out to the cinema and bowling and places, and I also know she enjoys staying home and playing games. Two things I love ^_^. But as I say, every last piece of me reckons she think I'm worth anything.

This is another problem I have, I get myself in loops. No matter what anyone suggests there's never a way out of any of the negative situations I'm in! Usually they sort themselves out over time though. Ah man, I feel like such a douche bag for just talking about my problems.

Talking about problems sometimes helps people to understand them even if the advice is lousy. At any rate, don't feel bad about doing it

Yeah, I feel better now. I just think I needed to vent. I just worry about the idea that venting might 'cause me to lose friends... I mean I had a very good friend who I used to go to with all my problems, but he has his own problems and one day he kinda just snapped... he's still a good friend... but since then I've never been able to talk to anyone about my problems without feeling really guilty. Thanks for listening WP