suicide

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yeah so ive been feeling alot more suicidal recently.

backstory:

really depressed about my appearance. been going swimming and gym for 5 hours each weekday. eating healthy (only water and low fat foods). yet i havent lost any weight.

also recently had an IQ test with my psychologist. i got a 109, which makes me cry, and i havent cried since i was young.

really dont know what to do, i dont want to go to college in september if things stay the same. the only thing keeping me from killingmyself is logic.

One day you will die anyway (short of unforeseen scientific advancements).

Don't be in such a hurry.

Your routine is interesting... stop measuring your progress every day and give it a month.

ive been going to this gym since september.

was eating healthy and using my excercise bike before this since february.

I suggest a change of routine. Yours clearly isn't working for you. For what it's worth, I tried exercise bike for 2 months - no results.

Try something simpler, such as walking 2 times a day, one hour each. Combined with eating LESS and exchanging soda for tea, it helped me drop 10lbs in a month.

Supposedly you'll get better results with a heart monitor and getting your heart rate past certain level for 20 minutes or more. I never bothered with that though.

Sometime back, after not exercising for a long time, I started walking every day after work. After a couple of months I was down a whole size which would usually be about 20 lbs, but when I weighed myself I was exactly the same weight. But I knew I had made progress because I got leaner, burned fat and added muscle which is heavier. Walking is a very good exercise although difficult to keep up with when it rains a lot.

How much weight do you plan to lose? Is it realistic? Are you heavy, or plagued with fat spots? In what way is your appearance unsatisfactory? I know way back when I was 18 I thought I was a cow at 140 lbs, looking back at pictures I realize that at that time I was actually pretty cute. But I didn't know it.

I don't think an IQ score of 109 is bad. Theoretically 100 is average; you're still above-average, then. How do you actually do in school? It matters a lot more what you do with it.

Hey there,

for what it's worth I'd be upset if you committed suicide. Perhaps you're working yourself too hard with the exercise? Not sure, but it might be worth talking to someone in detail about your problems. Try not to let yourself get too depressed about things, it's rare that the future doesn't have anything good to hold, and it's definatly worth waiting out the dark for those good things. Oh and monsterland's advice sounds good too.

My doctor once told me that isn't the best exercise for loosing weight. That when you are in the cold water, your body can try to protect itself from the cold and prevent you from burning fat. I don't know how much I believe her, but it does seem logical (and a good excuse when I didn't loose any weight after being in the pool 1.5 hrs x 4 days a week for 5 months).

Why does an IQ score of 109 make you cry? Do you know that the average is 100?

As for your weight, do you know that muscle is heavier than fat? Have you taken a picture of yourself before you started, and a picture of yourself now? If you haven't, then would you consider doing it, because if you're exercising that much, you probably have converted a bunch of fat into muscle and are getting yourself depressed over weight unnecessarily.

The other thing is how healthy is your new diet? You mention that it is low fat, but does it include a lot of fruit and nuts, to give you the vitamins and trace nutrients to help you body and brain function efficiently? If not, you will be depriving yourself of important elements that can very easily lead to depression.

okay ill try and reply to as much of these as i can.

1) yes i know 100 is average.still doesnrt stop me from crying. i thought i was smarter.

2)i weigh 125kgs,which is really overweight.i dont want to gain muscle either which is frustrating as i might gain some muscle by doing cardio.

3)my diet: i eat whetabix in the morning with a small amount of skimmed milk. at around 2 pm (after 5 hours of gym/swimming) i eat a sandwhich or dinner depending on the situation at home.
i dont eat anything until 8 or 9 at night at which time i have chicken soup -no bread or salt- which is what the doctor told me to do. during the day i drink water.

i want to lose a lot of weight. being auties/aspies im sure you're aware of sensory issues and that some of us have fabrics we really like. well mine are pvc/leather/latex (smooth and tight, which is calming and feels and smells good) but i cant realistically wear these due to my weight.
ive been bullied for the last 12 years and usually i can handle it but i fear wearing what i want to wear would invite more harrasment which i dont think i could handle.

thank you fo your replies

Hiya,

You don't describe your lunch, so unless it contains a serious amount of fruit and veg, I worry about you.

Seriously, I've just come out of 10 years of depression. I tried what I thought was everything, but my brain just didn't want to work. It was only after my husband died, and my friend came in to help out, saw what I was eating(or rather what I was not eating) that she basically kicked my ass.

Now just 4 months after my husband killed himself, I am extremely depressed about that, but paradoxically, I can feel my brain working better simply because of the good food that is being fed to it.


The other thing is, do you know how many calories you're getting a day? Because if it's too low, your body actually goes into starvation/weight preservation mode:

http://www.exrx.net/Questions/StarvationEffect.html

vegetables i eat are: brussel sprouts, broccoli,cabbage,spinach,lettuce,corn.

Starvation mode is a real danger. In my experience, dieting while exercising simply does not work. At those times you're in the gym you will not have enough calories (or something) so to make up for this your body takes material from other parts of your body like muscle and puts it onto your waist. Instead, eat plenty and exercise plenty, in truth the moment you feel hungry you should eat something. Better yet, put on as much muscle as possible, for the more muscle you have the more calories you'll use up simply walking around during the day, let alone exercising.

Eat a lot of protein and work on muscle no more than every three days, with cardio any other days. This way, you'll avoid starvation mode and gain muscle, making any exercise much more affective.

i dont want to gain muscle. my bone structure is too big already without adding muscle to it.
i do cardio just.

You're not going to become muscle bound just by toning up a little. I know someone who works out regularly, and he's in no way "muscular", just nicely toned.

Also as for being big bones, another friend of mine is 6 foot 6 inches. He's also actually quite big and wide apparently(according to everyone else), but because he's proportional, he doesn't register with me as being exceptionally big, except that I know that I have to crane my neck upwards to look at him, probably because of the aspie in me.

Funnily enough, his son, who is only 6'3", but only a growing skinny 15 year old, does register as tall, probably because he is skinny, and is not in proportion like his dad.

But anyhow, if you're asking why you're feeling depressed and not losing weight the way you should theoretically be, then that's what I'm trying to answer. I'm also sorry that you're feeling so very down, and just want you to know that across the ether, even though I'm just some pixels on the screen to you, I feel for you and wish good things for you.

Try not to restrict too much on your fat intake. Fish oil is really good for the brain, for example. Try having some seasoned baked Salmon which has lots of these good fats in it if it isn't over cooked. It comes out really tender at 400 degrees in the over for about ten minutes per each inch of thickness of the fillet.

Irishaspie, you will lose weight when you stop wanting to, when you start loving yourself the way you are. And when you start eating what you truly crave. Look around the grocery store. Look long and hard at all the attractive-looking healthy food there. And think about a part of your appearance you like, like your hair or your nails or your skin or your eyes. If you have difficulty finding something you like, just create your own style that you like. People will not be able to help but find you cool then; just go for it!