Can't cope with computer obsession anymore.

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For the past few months, probably about 6-8 months now, I have had a really negative obsession that has revolved around making changes to the computer system 'just to see what happens', this has been anything from messing with the font sizes right up to deleting a critical system file which cost us £50 to fix.

My every waking moment is hounded by the thoughts, I don't hear voices, but I have this constant nagging ache in my chest which won't go away until I carry out the given compulsion.
I thought it was OCD, because I have tendencies there, but then again all my other OCD's have made sense, this makes NO sense at all and doesn't follow the same pattens as them. I think it's an AS obsession thats gone totaly out of control & preportion.

I've tried EVERYTHING, I've talked to many people, all of whom have no ideas on how to help me with this. I am getting closer & closer to more drastic options, like getting rid of the computer, but my partner doesn't want to let me do that, as he uses it also.
I've developed offshoot behavours to do with this, like my temper is much worse than it usualy is, I'm having problems sleeping, I've really just had enough of it.

I only have to see a computer anywhere now and my head fills with these 'experiments' I must do in order to releive the anxiety. I don't carry them out because of the risk of damage to the computer or getting it in a mess & not being able to sort it, because we're short of money and couldn't afford a repair job at the moment. So my anxiety gets to the point where I scream & cry. Which is pathetic for a

My mum paid for the deleted file mess to be fixed, she won't pay for it again. I'm so embroiled in this now that I cannot live my life normally
, every last little second is taken up with the repetative thought. I don't know what to do, apart from go against my partner's wishes & get rid of the computer.

I have no idea why something that used to releive a lot of my anxiety has turned into the cause of it all.
I don't know why I can't go back to how I was, using the computer for usual stuff like the internet & creating artwork, never giving a toss about messing it up or changing settings I have no idea about.

If anyone can help me out, I'd be more than grateful, I'm at my wits end here.

This may sound counterintuitive, but perhaps you should go to your local community college (if they have those in the UK) and take some classes on basic computer repair. At least knowing what you were doing might make it easier on you.

It sounds almost like the computer 'scares' you in a sense, what with it's odd parts and difficult to understand ways of operating. It's something I saw a lot at work, people just trying to understand the things.

Another option would be to hit up some sort of consignment store and buy something old and cheap to play with. Online you can find tonnes of articles that would allow you to learn how to do what you want to do properly, and if it all goes wrong, it's just the crap computer that bites the dust.

Getting rid of a computer in this day and age is unrealistic, AND it won't solve anything. You need MORE distractions, not less.

Expand your interests and hobbies, so that the computer obsession is forced to share brain space with them, and levels out a bit.

I have thought JUST that! At least someone agrees with me! My mum & my partner both say getting a cheap spare computer WOULDN'T help *sigh*, he's even said he doesn't want another one in the house ( I could just do it without much ado though).

I can't learn any more, because my f****d up mind just uses any knowledge I gain in the area, against me in more obsessive compulsions.

More wose words, I just wish I could somehow make this work, but whatever I try to do, it takes over everything. It's like the more I do to stop it, the more it does to get me.

Also, if you tend to mess up your system often, use Carbonite offline backup. Or Mozy. Mozy sucks bad, but I think they have a free version which lets you back up 2gb of personal files for free.

These types of backups work in background, and always keep the latest and greatest version of your important files, so you can stop worrying about messing up bad.

This thing I did messed it up so much it wouldn't even boot up =/

Anyway I don't need more reasons to allow myself to do it, I need ways to stop myself doing it, like I am now.

I really don't know why I can't just see the computer as another appliance, like the fridge or the TV, both of which are very useful items, but I don't obsess over them.

Because fridge and TV function as you expect them to. Computers, or at least, Windows, are all over the place. Their interface is not consistent, their behavior is not consistent, accidentally clicking and dragging something can screw up an entire layout of a program, they freeze up when loading "start menu", etc.

I mean Windows XP couldnt even handle screensaver correctly. It gave me this paranoia for checking for screensaver settings because programs (such as video players) would randomly disable it, and even when ENABLED, 50% of the time it wouldn't activate !

Same goes for programs arbitrarily changing sound volume, screen refresh rates, and power saving options (letting your HD go to sleep will destroy it REAL fast).

Vista/7 allow a little bit more consistency in UI and they're more "clean" in that respect, which I like. Still... Windows is Windows.

Kip was right in their above post too, I am scared of the computer. I've always had an issue with unpredictability, and you've hit it on the head there in one.

When I go to the fridge for a carrot or a can of cider or whatever, I open the door, the light comes on, I fish about for what I want & close it again, done. With the computer however it's like a jungle of possibilities. A jungle being the right word, because jungles are full of both interesting and dangerous things, some of which, a jaguar or venomous snake for example, are highly unpredictable.

My thought revolves around the principle of 'to see what happens', it's like sticking my hand into one of those feelie boxes & not knowing if I'll get the lambskin or the pot of slime.

I fear the computer so much, the stupid thought has even gone so far as to try and instill a logic into me, like if I ask the computer not to make me think about it, it might be merciful, really stupid stuff.

I have a particular fixation with the monitor & display settings, because when the other monitor broke, it turned off after windows had loaded and turned off when you tried to get into any of the display settings, making me think it was something to do with the graphics card (which had broken in 2006, and we had a very bad experience getting it fixed). It turned out to be the monitor, which was an ex display one anyway so it probably hadn't got much life left in it anyway.

Now the monitor has become a seperate fear, it's all so stupid.

This post sounds like it would make a great Kafkaesque Short Story. Thanks for the inspiration!

I'm glad someone can get something useful out of this!!

1. Instead of doing all these things on the computer, make a list (probably on paper will be better) of them.
2. Instead of trying these things out, look them up.
3. Instead of wasting money to get things repaired learn how to fix it yourself. What you described doesn't seem too far, and you payed for it.
4. If you have money perhaps buy a spare computer (or learn how to build one your self--even cheaper). If you really must do something to it you have a spare one to play around with.
5. Get other interests, consume yourself in something else that isn't so bad.

I did similar things with my truck and ended up mangling the dash as well as getting a Ph.D. for the work I did as related to engine controls and fuels and now my dash looks like this:






You need a good outlet for these urges. Perhaps you can harness an obsession and use it to benefit society or get some kind of professional recognition. Have you thought about getting a degree in computer science? Don't fight it, just let your brain do what it wants to do. Sometimes it's better to run with something and see what comes than to fight it.

All this of course came at the expense of making roommates angry and not engaging in the usual NT stuff, but I don't care because they were jerks anyway and now I am very lucky to be employed writing patents for which I am part owner. Be self serving like me.

Find a hobby to induldge in, for a year. That's what I did with Loom Knitting. I did that and I got back on WP and the Internet full time, with a much more mature attitude, to boot.

I am having problems with internet addiction too though not the OCD stuff. I recommend finding another outlet for the repetitive urges. Im not sure what though.. experiment with many hobbies and activities until you find something that you can put your energy into. There are many activities which are of a repetitive nature.

Hey, where'd you get pics of my car?

OP, here's a quick list of things you'll need to know if you want to play with a computer without really knowing what you're doing:

1. How to back up your stuff: You can use disks, external hard drives, online real time backups, anything. Just make sure you do that!
2. How to reinstall your chosen OS: Windows anything newer than XP makes it pretty darn simple, it's the not knowing that spooks off most people. Also, if your computer is relatively new, it may have come with recovery partitions or disks, both of which make it infinitely easier to get windows back.
3. Try using something called VirtualBox. There's a free one out there, not used it, but it should work just fine. Basically it runs another copy of windows *inside* your current one, but independent. If you fubar the virtualbox, your normal copy of windows is left just as it was, nothing broken, nothing lost. This is a little trickier because you have to set up a full programme then the OS inside it, but there's tonnes of guides online on how to do just that.

On another note: Everything I know about computers I've learned outside a classroom. Watching people use them, using them myself, and breaking quite a few of my step-dad's machines in the process. And hey, I've managed to find gainful employment in that field, so obviously the method works. If you'd like to go the VB route, PM me and I can add you to my yahoo list and walk you through the setup.