I admit it

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I don't know what I want in a relationship.

Wow, me neither. Is it like something alot of people have/don't know?

Yet for some reason, I force myself to have one.

Maybe you should take some time to really ponder what you want in life/out of a relationship?

Yeah, but it's so difficult.

GOOD.

It's better that way. Trust me, you do not want to date someone who is exactly like you (which is what your previous "template" suggests). And that's not anything concerning you personally, I wouldn't want to date someone exactly like me either.

The term "compatibility", has little to do with actual similarity, and almost everything to do with being able to not just accept, but appreciate, the differences that exist, and taking those in stride to expand your mutual frames of reference and better yourselves as a result. I can't imagine being with someone from whom I didn't learn anything,

Not knowing what you want is optimal. Your rigid standards will relax, and you will be able to view people in a broader sense than "they fit the template" or "they don't fit the template". Honestly, this is the key to success as far as I'm concerned.

I always thought that not knowing was a turn-off, because it symbolized wishy-washiness.

I always thought not knowing was a turn-on because it means someone is less likely to want to turn you into someone you're not.

I worry that I will come across as "weak" if I am not sure of something.

My respect for a man rises if he can admit he doesn't know everything and conversely a major turn off if he acts like he thinks he does know everything.

Tim, if you are willing to accept that you don't always have the answer, then you are quite strong. That is not weak at all.

But I do know a lot about myself.

1. I like to travel.

2. I am very aesthetically conscious.

3. I am college-educated (I have a bachelor's degree, and plan to pursue graduate studies).

4. While looking for work has been a bit difficult, I do know that I want to do GIS or urban planning.

5. I have the religious and political beliefs of a neocon (except I think sex is ok outside of marriage and shouldn't be only for procreation), but have the entertainment preferences of an artsy hipster.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 19 Jan 2010, 5:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Before you bring up what you think can hamper a potential relationship (again), focus on the basic premise of this new thread, which was "Tim doesn't know what he wants in a relationship". Take some time to think about what it is you are looking for in a relationship first. If you eventually reach the conclusion that there is nothing in a relationship that you want, there would be little point in being in a relationship, and consequently little point in spending time thinking about what could hamper your potential relationships.

I was simply describing myself. Sorry for the confusion.

I feel like one thing will contradict something else. (I don't know any other artsy neocons)

I don't want to be seen as a "rescuer", or someone who can "make up for someone's faults". Nobody can make up for anybody's faults.

I have trouble with the social cues/demands needed to cultivate a relationship with an NT, yet there are virtually no female Aspies on the same wavelength as me who are single.

(There are some that are already in relationships, but none that are single)

What makes you think it's easy for everybody else NT or Aspie? The only difference is that everybody else gets out in the real world and takes a chance. You, you sit in your parent's house watching cartoons and come up with lame excuses as to why you can't do anything. Nobody truly knows what they want in a relationship. Just when you think you've got it all figured out someone comes along and completely changes your perspective. Sometimes that's bad but mostly it's good. that's the beauty of it. Trying to systematize a relationship, as tempting as it can be, just doesn't work.

Tim, it's time to grow some balls, get a job, ANY JOB and start saving money. For Chrissakes you live with your parents. Even a minimum wage job will add up quick in that situation. It's time to get out and interact with real people. then and only then will you be able to see just how ridiculous your way of thinking is.