Those 4 words that I dread hearing

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I need some suckup sympathy, people. My problem is not getting dates, but holding onto them. You see, the problem is that -- despite my efforts to hide it -- my girlfriends eventually discover my greatness, and then suffer multiple seizures of insecurity. I cannot bring myself to tell you how many times I have heard: "Oh emp, I'm not worthy of you! I.. am.. NOT.. worthy!! !"

My longest relationship was the one where I mortally offended the parents, nay, the whole family of my girlfriend, by giving them a dose of my brutal honesty. I offended them so badly that they refused to even be present in the same building as I.

And so this relationship lasted an unusually long time because the fiasco I had instigated counteracted my aura of greatness... for a while. Unfortunately the effect eventually dissipated as the memory of the incident faded, and then one day I awoke to hear those dreaded words once again: "I am not worthy! I am not worthy!" ...being whispered over and over like she was in a trance. (This was after an exceptionally good night of love-making.)

I have given up on asking women who I think are perfectly acceptable in the looks department out on dates. I just have no success with them at all. I ask them with full sincerity, and their response is to slap me on the face and say, "How dare you make fun of me!" This limits me to dating only the few exceptionally smokin' hot women -- they are the only ones who believe me when I ask them out on a date. Unfortunately they are hard to find.

When a breakup occurs, I often ask: "Have I done something wrong? Please feel free to criticize me. I am willing to listen to it with an open mind and take it into account. I really want to know if you think there is something I should fix or improve about myself."
Typically this causes them to burst into tears and run out of the room. So frustrating.

At one point I thought I would try Asian women to see if I could have more success. Well, I must say I was quite shocked to wake up one morning and discover that my Asian girlfriend had built a little Buddhist temple around my head while I had slept, with my face as the centerpiece being worshipped, complete with burning incense. She had even shaved her head and dressed in orange robes.

I gaped at her, absolutely flabbergasted, while she prostrated herself before me and beseeched me for enlightenment. After I got my wits in order, I made an excuse that I had just awoken and it was my customary habit to "enlighten" myself first thing after waking. So I locked myself into the bathroom, climbed out of the window, and ran away as fast I could, regardless of my lack of clothing. To this day the religion she started continues in honor of me but without me.

It is all so very frustrating! Now where is my sympathy? Lay it on extra thick. Give me a double serving. Put whipped cream and a cherry on top. Spare no expense!

Haha! Thats pure silliness, regardless of the truth of it all. Thanks for the laugh.

Fuzzy hands you an empty handful of sympathy(and some clothes). "Dont spend it all in one place!"

I'll lay it on thick for you, did you ever think thats its your ego. It seems to me you are a little well more the a little over self-gratifying. And, maybe when your girlfriend said she was "unworthy" of you that their was a sarcastic undertone to it. Well, at least that is what it sounds like to me.

I'm not bloody surprised, to be honest with you.

Your behaviour is not 'honest'. You come across as an egotistical bigot. Several WrongPlaneteers have told you this on here already.

Deal with that and I'm sure you'll be much more likable. Or you could adopt the Tony Blair way of doing things: "I'm right and everyone else is wrong."

You are not bloody surprised that my girlfriend built a little Buddhist temple around my head ? And shaved her head and dressed in orange robes? And founded a religion in honor of me? You do not find this surprising ?

Well I must say I was certainly surprised by it. Especially when one day a few months later, I awoke to the sound of distant singing. It was coming from outside. I went to my front door and opened it, and the whole street was full of people standing there and swaying together while singing John Lennon's "Happy Christmas, War Is Over" song, but with the words changed to honor the new holiday that they had created in my name! Stunned, I listened as they sang:

And so this is Empmas
For weak and for strooonng
For rich and the poor onnnes
The road is so looonnng
And so happy Empmas
For black and for whiiiite
For yellow and red onnnes
Let's stop all the fiiiight
....

You people. He's pulling your leg, and you didnt see it? Hes playing off your literalism..

I've never realized until now how much being awesome can suck!

Amusing images, emp. If I ever get around to writing comedic sketches, I will use that example involving the Asian lady crowning you head of her religion.

Jeez not another pointless thread

So thats what enshrined means. Is it a means tested benefit?

I have The same problem. This life IS HELL!!

I feel your pain, I feel your pain. Faraquet, I think there should be a special support group for TurboStuds like you and me.

Emp I;m not going to waste anytime
You are just plain annoying

Hey emp, you need to take a visit here to Orange County!! ! Smokin' Hot Women EVERYWHEEEEEEEEEEEERE!! !!

Orange County must be the REAL Mecca!