Is it possible to become addicted to compliments?

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Because I'm coming to the realization that something like this has happened to me. I've become so needy for compliments and reassurance from other people that it explains why I can be so difficult to deal with sometimes... there are so many times my body just makes me feel like the worst person in the world, and that nobody can be more of a failure than me. But the ensuing compliments make me feel really good, at least for a short while, probably because other people are validating my right to feel good about myself. But it's become almost a drug for me. Anybody who frequents love and dating knows I keep discussions about myself going for way too long, and I think it's because I want more people here to compliment me.

speaking of which, can anyone give me a fix?

Try this one on for size -- you just showed you're pretty perceptive about yourself by figuring that out. Clever stuff, dude.

Which also means you have the capabilities to find other ways to get what you need. It'll take time, and more of the same introspection that got you to this realization, but I think you can do it!

I think it's pretty easy to get addicted to the emotional high that comes along with compliments. I found I fell into this insidiuous trap in high school whilst I was doing art; I slowly began to rely on others' praise to appreciate my own work... soon I wouldnt try anything new in case they didn't like it.

What's happened is you've lost your internal 'anchor' and are relying on external influences to validate you; in essence, you are bobbing like a cork on an open sea of other peoples' views and opinions (to paraphrase a lecturer of mine).

You won't be happy like this because nobody's going to compliment you all the time, so whilst you're relying on it, you'll constantly be plunged into self-doubt and misery. You'll need to find satisfaction within yourself and rely less on what others say to you.

I guess it depends on the actual *quantity* of reassurance you're requiring? To need some positive feedback from others is average and quite normal for human beings. To want to be able to exist without this is wishful thinking and at it's extreme, could result in an unhealthy emotional coldness and isolation. Ideally, no man is an island.

Surely you're in a better position that somebody who doesn't actually do anything worthy of compliments and praise from others?

That's a good point, I forgot about that.



These days though, compliments and praise are doled out by the bucket for things that rarely deserve them. I'm not saying that TOS's compliments were false, but just that people who don't recieve constant feedback shouldn't worry too much about it.

I know the feeling in a sense. I think I've been forced to go cold turkey because I don't actually know or speak to anyone these days. It's given me a few realisations about things and hopefully it will make me stronger because I won't need other people's opinions.

I can't find any satisfaction within myself. Everytime I do something that I think was well-done, someone else comes along and does it better... which only serves to make me feel even more inadequate...

That's the nature of reality when you live on a planet of 6.7 billion people. It's true for everybody.

Then how do you feel good about yourself? I hate it when I work my butt off to the point that I actually give myself some credit, only to see someone else come along and do it better, in less time, with minimal effort... and it happens in everything im actually halfway decent at too...

The only way you can get over this is if you learn how to feel good about yourself.

Tell me, what in your opinion are your worst 5 features? Out of everything?

Easy. What I do still does some good for the world. Just because somebody else does it faster or something doesn't make my contribution any smaller or less real.

In fact, since I'm a scientist, my work would be worthless if people didn't surpass me at it. I come up with new stuff, figure out how to make it work, then figure out how to tell others how to make it work, then others come along and make it even better and faster while spreading it around the globe. That is the way it's supposed to be. If it stops with me, and no one is allowed to outperform me, I've failed, and that piece of science dies.



What if you've come further?

I'm an extremely introverted Aspie who used to be utterly crippled by social anxiety. Now I'm a quite good public speaker. There will always be those who are better public speakers than I am with less effort, but my achievements are far greater than theirs because I had to come much further. Why not be proud of how far you've come?

I don't really like recognition. I'd be happier if people just let me do what I need to if I'm doing something important, not get too offended if I accidentally step on their toes, then pat each other on the back for staying out my way.

I don't bust my but to make sure things are done right so people will compliment me. I bust my but to make sure things are done right because I like to make sure things are done right period.

Which is great if you're a scientist of some sort. I'm an IT guy. The only time we in the technical field become visible is when things aren't working... otherwise we just fade into the background and are taken for granted.


Because every time I try to take pride in how far I may have come, there's someone there to just blast me into the dust...

Ok, so your response to every suggestion about how to view yourself positively is to make up some reason to turn it around to be negative. Have yourself a good time with that.

Liking compliment is not abnormal for humans on the contrary. People need their fill of it even if they aren't aware of it.

Simply repeating someone’s name when talking to them is like the human equivalent to chimps grooming.

The reason people do something is because it stimulates them and they can benefit from it. Of course you want this stuff otherwise you would be indifferent and wouldn’t post about it.

Please don't analyse it, the idea is you suspend disbelief. It is mean to make you fell better. If you want complement then stroke someone's ego a bit. Call them by their name and complement them.

The difference between wanting complements, and a narcissist, is a narcissist always wants to be complemented. They want absolute devotion, and don't want anyone benefit above them in any way. They need to be the centre of attention at all times.

There is a general assumption that if some post here saying the want something, that that person is somehow wrong. You are not wrong in wanting complements, you are like 99% of the human race whether they are aware or not. Of course you should know that they are not automatic.

No ego is definitely worse than a huge ego. You will slowly shrivel up and die inside. Be your self-deprecating self, but every now and then suspend disbelief for you own wellbeing.

Mental wellbeing is based on self deception. Don't ever forget that.

There is a price to pay for being realistic, and that price is neurosis. If you are like me you brave so of the neurosis for the benefit of understanding things, however you can only go so far