How do I become a good person? (PLEASE READ)

Post Reply New Topic

I'm an as*hole. I always have been. I have every negative personality trait: racist, sexist, pervy, selfish, just a jackass, wants to instigate fights, insults everyone, lazy, conceited, hypocritical. I don't have any skills either, and I'm extremely stupid. I like to make people angry/sad because people always tried to upset me so it's like I wanna get back at society. I've tried to change so many times.

At the beginning of the year, I was quiet and never talked. People always got pissed at me 'cuz I was so "weird" because I didn't talk. Then I started talking, and people hated me because I was such a pervert. NOW they hate me because I'm an as*hole, talking about people behind their backs and making racist comments.

I... need help. Or is it a lost cause? Should I just end it?

You sound like you are in a similar place to where I was in High School. Don't feel terrible lots of people do bad things in high school out of confusion and anger, and the process can be exacerbated by aspergers. Some of the things your doing may not be as bad as you think they are. Just try to do the right thing.

through your own actions. avoid those who you insulted with racist comments

You are only fifteen. You don't know the end of the story yet. It is not time to end it, it just feels like it's time. How badly do you hate your parents that you want to make them live in misery for the rest of their lives? Your friends? Your siblings? Suicide really, really hurts other people, for years and years and years.
I don't know what your definition of good is.

Being good takes effort. And the darker the place you start from, the more effort it will take. At first you may feel like a fraud for trying to be something that you don't feel you are. But when you behave in a kind manner long enough, some people find that they actually enjoy making others feel better.

It may not work for you, but it was that way for me. At first I felt rather manipulative because I was doing it for the pleasure I received from it. And then it just became who I am and I felt genuinely bad for hurting someone's feelings. And I felt genuinely good, without the need for reward, for taking care of someone or helping them feel better about themselves. Some people will say that you should just be who you are. But I think that we have potential to be better than what our genetics and upbringing say that we should be. You can be what you want to be, and that includes being a kind person.

So I would advise that you do your best and try to ignore the cynics. A positive attitude will not always equate to success, no matter how many self-help advocates will try to get money from you for convincing you otherwise, but a negative attitude does tend to be self-fulfilling. In some ways, the effort to be good is the most important part. The more difficult something is, the more valuable the success. I wish you luck and I am glad that you have realized this problem while there are still enough people around you that haven't been totally alienated by your behavior yet.

I may not be able to help you with the rest of this post, but I do know the answer to this question: it is obviously not a lost cause. Why not? Because that post showed that you are willing to assess your character and acknowledge your flaws. It also showed that you are willing to act to correct those flaws. Those are the two biggest hurdles, and you're already past them.

I just said two days ago "I am a GOOD person, but I am not good at being a "person." I was reminding myself, and it has helped. Just focus on something like that. It's a brutal life. Deal with it as you can; you must always come first.

A professor was once fond of saying its good to always remember that "you are an as*hole too,"
it's when we we don't think we have any shortcomings that we are at our worst. So I think your reacting in a healthy manner, not that we should just constantly think that we are dirt either. On the other hand sometimes being an eccentric individual requires that we not give a s**t what people think when we stand outside the herd. I find myself trying to balance these two factors.