Right now I am extremely depressed with my limited thoughts. My mom is always sick, always dying. No one understands my worthless point of view, not on the boards or even in real life. What is real anyways? There is a massive black hole forming. Right now I actually want the Gov's plan to succeed. World War 3 to start. My reasoning is that then I won't be the only one to suffer through death and destruction, please don't attack me for saying that. There is NOTHING going well in my pathetic life. My brain is still missing. I have nothing to contribute to society. I am not suicidal, but I have a different plan. I just want to destroy my understanding of this world. I am hyper aware of everything that goes on in my life and the world. Everything I have tried to succeed for happiness failed. God I know that word well! Failure!! I bring down everyone around me. People with evil eyes burning red on fire is aimed towards me. Torture is happening to me since yesterday. I am so tired all the time no energy, very little motivation. It takes great energy to write this. During severe anxiety, my stomach is torn into a million pieces, with burning needles in my head (that's what it feels like). I don't have an anti anxiety pill. My friends were torn away from me by the world's worst organization. I am not saying it in fear that they will track me and kill me (or humiliate me in front of the world). My pet bird is better than me. God is he cute! My head is empty. My heart races, yesterday it was nearly 140 bpm resting. My favorite saying in the world is "Its Not Real." So, when someone says the word "success" I come back and say, "Its Not real!" Its at the other side of the Universe! Every thought of mine is tracked recorded. Nothing that is positive happens to me. It takes me awhile to write things since I have a lack of brainpower. Everyone listens to a flat line, how exciting! I don't know what to do.
18 Feb 2010, 10:18 pm
