help with suicidal thoughts

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lotusblossom
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16 Feb 2010, 8:39 am

does anyone know any good stratagees or coping mechanism or meds for when they have suicidal thoughts?

Most SSRI's (prozac, seroxat, lexapro and I shall include st johns wort too) increase suicidal thoughts so are not recomended and seeing as thats all most Drs perscribe I dont want to bother going to the dr, I think they would just give me a hard time and make it all worse (as well as telling my social worker who would then give me a hard time also).

Has anyone read any good books on getting rid of suicidal thoughts or found any good distraction methods?

Ive been feeling very suicidal the last couple of years since haveing problems with my childrens mental health team and social services as I cant cope with their interferance and criticism and the stress of making them displeased. The last month or two Ive just been really suicidal and think about it all the time. I find it hard to imagine how things could be better or ok as all i can remember is things being crap. I attempted suicide several times in my teens and if I had known how bad my life would be I would have made sure I had succeeded as it would have been better not to have gone through all I have and it would have been better to do it before I had kids as now having children makes it a worse thing to do.

anyway, any suggestions wellcome :D



lotusblossom
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16 Feb 2010, 1:44 pm

I think I shall try st johns wort despite my misgivings about it working on serotonin (Ive had bad reactions to SSRI's in the past). I can get it in the health food shop thus avoiding the dr and Ive read on the net that some researchers have found it particularly benificial with ASD and ADHD so it might be ok. Im at my mums at the moment so if it does make the suicidal ideation worse she is here to keep a check on me. I will let you know if its any good.



i_wanna_blue
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16 Feb 2010, 4:01 pm

I've tried st johns wart and it never really work for me. It raised my blood pressure quite a bit, but I was in a state on constant anxiety, which only my meds was able to control. If I were to take it (sjw) now the effect may be different. Taking flax seed oil according to some can help with depression (but it probably needs to be taken for a few months), and you can try taking 5HTP.



lotusblossom
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16 Feb 2010, 4:39 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
I've tried st johns wart and it never really work for me. It raised my blood pressure quite a bit, but I was in a state on constant anxiety, which only my meds was able to control. If I were to take it (sjw) now the effect may be different. Taking flax seed oil according to some can help with depression (but it probably needs to be taken for a few months), and you can try taking 5HTP.


Thank you for replying i_wanna_blue that was very kind of you.

Ive not had any success with SSRI's in the past and only bad effects and st johns wort is supposed to work in the same system so Im not hopeful. But I dont know what else to do.

I shall investigate the oil and 5HTP (its another increaseing serotonin one), thank you again :D



Lene
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16 Feb 2010, 5:28 pm

I tried SSRI's once; they made me ill immediately. You could ask about the older drugs; tricyclics and all that if you want; I think they even do an injection form of some drugs (risperidol comes to mind, but I could be wrong).

Exercise can be great. I'm sure you've heard all that before, but I know from my own experience with depression, it really does help you clear your head, or at least make you too tired to sit awake worrying. I guess if you don't have the time, that can be tricky.

Is there anything in particular in your life that is bothering you right now?



lotusblossom
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16 Feb 2010, 5:37 pm

Lene wrote:
I tried SSRI's once; they made me ill immediately. You could ask about the older drugs; tricyclics and all that if you want; I think they even do an injection form of some drugs (risperidol comes to mind, but I could be wrong).

Exercise can be great. I'm sure you've heard all that before, but I know from my own experience with depression, it really does help you clear your head, or at least make you too tired to sit awake worrying. I guess if you don't have the time, that can be tricky.

Is there anything in particular in your life that is bothering you right now?


I wonder if its common for people with AS to react badly to SSRI's?

I do exercise and eat healthy, no coffee and that sort of thing.

its only the usual stuff thats bothering me, I find haveing AS a permanant problem rather than a temporary one.



i_wanna_blue
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17 Feb 2010, 7:10 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Thank you for replying i_wanna_blue that was very kind of you.

Ive not had any success with SSRI's in the past and only bad effects and st johns wort is supposed to work in the same system so Im not hopeful. But I dont know what else to do.

I shall investigate the oil and 5HTP (its another increaseing serotonin one), thank you again :D


No problem. Do inform us if anything helps you feel better. :)



lotusblossom
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17 Feb 2010, 7:18 am

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No problem. Do inform us if anything helps you feel better. :D


I will let you know :D

I am going to get my will re done next week just in case as its old and out of date, Im not sure how much notice authorities take of wills in who they place custardy of kids with though.



davenumber3
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17 Feb 2010, 3:36 pm

I too had a very, very bad time with SSRI's, St John's Wart had no noticeable effect.

Sound's like your having a very difficult time of it. :(

When I had these thought's in the past I always thought of the effect my action would have on my kid's, how they would feel if I wasn't there.

This always worked for me, I so hope you find a way that works for you and makes you feel better. :D



lotusblossom
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17 Feb 2010, 4:14 pm

davenumber3 wrote:
I too had a very, very bad time with SSRI's, St John's Wart had no noticeable effect.

Sound's like your having a very difficult time of it. :(

When I had these thought's in the past I always thought of the effect my action would have on my kid's, how they would feel if I wasn't there.

This always worked for me, I so hope you find a way that works for you and makes you feel better. :D


yes I try to picture in my mind the social worker telling my kids that Im dead and taking them to the foster parents and their distress and that helps me to not kill myself, but it does not stop me ruminateing about killing myself and feeling bad.

I took the st johns wort yesterday and today and I dont feel any better (worse if anything) Im hopeing I will feel better after Ive finished writing my essay as its on multivariate analysis with lots of hard maths so its not cheering or something that would make someone want to live at all, and Ive hardly any time left to write it so thats stressful, but when its sent off Im sure it will feel better than now.



Lene
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17 Feb 2010, 6:04 pm

Do you drink alcohol at all? That can stop the anti-depressants working.



lotusblossom
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17 Feb 2010, 6:08 pm

Lene wrote:
Do you drink alcohol at all? That can stop the anti-depressants working.


no I dont drink alcohol.



davenumber3
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17 Feb 2010, 8:41 pm

Lotusblossom...

Negative thoughts are, I think, at times all part of our AS condition. :(

As long as they remain purely as thoughts, and don't become actions, then sadly I feel that it's just something that has to be accepted. I wish I could find a way to change that, but sometimes accepting how you feel is enough. Accept how your situation makes you feel now, but concentrate (like you can with your essay) on something else.
Try and put yourself in a better, more positive place. I do know how difficult that can be...

I so wish I could be more constructive :cry:

Oh, and from what you say, it seems that a lot of this pressure is caused by external forces.

Don't let some collection of NT f****** make you feel like this! :lol:



lotusblossom
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18 Feb 2010, 5:23 am

davenumber3 wrote:
Lotusblossom...

Negative thoughts are, I think, at times all part of our AS condition. :(

As long as they remain purely as thoughts, and don't become actions, then sadly I feel that it's just something that has to be accepted. I wish I could find a way to change that, but sometimes accepting how you feel is enough. Accept how your situation makes you feel now, but concentrate (like you can with your essay) on something else.
Try and put yourself in a better, more positive place. I do know how difficult that can be...

I so wish I could be more constructive :cry:

Oh, and from what you say, it seems that a lot of this pressure is caused by external forces.

Don't let some collection of NT f****** make you feel like this! :lol:


Thanks Dave :D

Im not good at accepting stuff, I have to practice that more, I will read some zen books when Ive finished my essay.

I need to focus on being good enough as I am even if that does not match up to others standards, I wish people were less critical and were ok with me being rubbish, I wish they did not give me such a hard time for not being good at things.



Logan5
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18 Feb 2010, 7:09 am

Sometimes eating fish improves my mood.

lotusblossom wrote:
"I attempted suicide several times in my teens and if I had known how bad my life would be I would have made sure I had succeeded as it would have been better not to have gone through all I have..."

Yeah, my major regret in life is that I did not kill myself a long, long time ago. But I am still here, so what to do about? Well, I have made something of a pact with myself. I am not going to kill myself any time soon, but if I develop a potentially fatal illness, disease, or condition, I will refuse treatment. You see, on the one hand I am not an impulsive person, and killing myself would involve a lot of planning and preparation. On the other hand, I have problems with executive functioning which makes planning and organisation difficult. This pact of mine gives me time to slowly organise things. Diagnosis of a potentially fatal illness or condition could provide the final impetus, as well as a deadline (pardon the pun).

In the meantime, I have a part-time job which is okay, and pays just enough to cover the basic expenses. The rest of the time I try to work on my interest (although that is not going well). In many respects I am just "waitin' around to die" < http://lyrics.wikia.com/Townes_Van_Zand ... und_To_Die >. I would start drinking and smoking, but I can not afford it. Sometimes I think I should just pick an age to die, and work towards that.

(I recognise that my post is not uplifting, but in a strange way this is what works for me.)

[Edited for typos]



Last edited by Logan5 on 18 Feb 2010, 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lotusblossom
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18 Feb 2010, 8:22 am

Logan5 wrote:
Sometimes eating fish improves my mood.

lotusblossom wrote:
"I attempted suicide several times in my teens and if I had known how bad my life would be I would have made sure I had succeeded as it would have been better not to have gone through all I have..."

Yeah, my major regret in life is that I did not kill myself a long, long time ago. But I am still here, so what to do about? Well, I have made something of a pact with myself. I am not going to kill myself any time soon, but if I develop a potentially fatal illness, disease, or condition, I will refuse treatment. You see, on the one hand I am not an impulsive person, and killing myself would involve a lot of planing and preparation. On the other hand, I have problems with executive functioning which makes planning and organisation difficult. This pact of mine gives me time to slowly organise things. Diagnosis of a potentially fatal illness or condition could provide the final impetus, as well as a deadline (pardon the pun).

In the meantime, I have a part-time job which is okay, and pays just enough to cover the basic expenses. The rest of the time I try to work on my interest (although that is not going well). In many respects I am just "waitin' around to die" < http://lyrics.wikia.com/Townes_Van_Zand ... und_To_Die >. I would start drinking and smoking, but I can not afford it. Sometimes I think I should just pick an age to die, and work towards that.

(I recognise that my post is not uplifting, but in a strange way this is what works for me.)

yes I relate lots to you. One thing which stops me killing myself is knowing that if I dont kill myself I shall die at somepoint anyway so me not killing myself is not stopping that happening, all I have to do is be patient.