Quick help-first phone convo with birth mother

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I'm scheduled to call my birth mother in about 15 hours, for the very first time. I received several letters from her starting in August, but until I signed a form, this wasn't an option. I'm mostly curious, and I will be accompanying a friend to California in April, five days of which I will have free for the purpose of meeting birth family.

I don't know how to talk to her . . . she does know I'm an FTM and accepts that, but my roommate has pointed out that I should mention my autism early in the phone conversation (I do poorly with those anyway) so that she can understand how difficult this is for me.

I'm concerned she might be emotional. My roommate said she may cry. I don't know how to process either of those things. I used a combination of internet factors to contact my brother this week, yet we've only had one email exchange, and he's both wary and curious, yet I understand they undoubtedly have a family structure that I'm hesitant to disrupt. My roommate indicated I may have crossed boundaries just by contacting my older brother, yet I only did so because I found paperwork indicating he had submitted his own adoption search request. He seemed fine with my contact, but upset that I had been able to glean so much just from cross-referencing internet documentation.

I'm hopeless in this situation; I have no social training, no books, no examples from which to build my behaviors. Unlike most situations (if I do poorly at this interview, there are other jobs), this is a one-time shot. Only one birth family.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

wow

Your BM might very well be emotional or cry. Speaking to your child that you haven't seen for a very long time would be an emotional experience.

You should tell your BM about your autism,
she would want to know about the life you have had.

this is just what I think, but i have no personal experience to base this on.

I've thought about contacting my birth mother in the past too, but the factors you've brought up have always deterred me from doing so. I am curious about her and what she looks like and how she acts, but at the same time do not want to deal with the emotional aspect of it that might occur.

I would definitely tell her about your autism during the phone conversation. That will make things much easier for you when you meet later on. If it were me meeting my biological mother, I would come prepared with questions to ask her, and also with a list of things about me that will give her a bit of an update on my life.

I wouldn't be wary of disrupting their family structure. You have every right to meet your biological family, and it seems that they are accepting of meeting you too. Since your mom sent you letters and your brother put himself out in an adoption search, it seems that they are interested in meeting.