PLEASE HELP ME.

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I don't even know where to start but I'll try to make some sort of sense.....

I was diagnosed in 2005 with Aspergers, leaning toward Autism.

I've spent every waking moment since then running from that fact, but I can't deny it anymore.

My whole life is affected by it and my whole life is completely f****d up because I haven't dealt with it, or learnt how to deal with it, I've just tried to go on pretending that it doesn't matter and that I don't need to make concessions for it.

But now here I am 5 years later completely lost, without a soul to tell and I have absolutely no idea who I am.

I pretended that I was happy to know when I was diagnosed and in a way I guess I was, but I haven't even begun to deal with it in any real sense and I'm s**t scared of trying.

What the f**k does it mean?

Will I ever be able to have anything even remotely resembling a normal life?

Will I be able to get married?

What sort of husband would I be?

What sort of father would I be?

What sort of friend am I?

What sort of family member am I?

I can only assume I'm not great at any of these because people keep getting frustrated with and weirded out by me for reasons I can't even start to fathom no matter how hard I try. I want to be close to people but it's like an invisible and endlessly frustrating maze!

I can't understand my relationships with people, myself, my life, the world around me, the world at large, or anything else it seems that I need to understand to function.

I'm so tired of trying and it's turning me into a very tired and frustrated recluse!

I'm also starting to have some pretty dangerous thoughts that I'd prefer not to be thinking, but honestly, if this is all that life has in store for me then there's going to come a point where my resolve gives out.

I don't know where to turn or what to do.

I want to scream/cry/break my fists on a wall/run/hide/curse all at the same time!

I'm starting to get emotional in public places at the smallest reminder of how different and outside of absolutely everything I am, even at work.

I need to stop this.

I need to know what to do next.

I'm coming up on my 30's and know less about myself and how I work than a child.

What do I do?

For heaven's sake, get ahold of yourself.
You haven't been diagnosed with cancer.
Reach out to the community here, and do try to ask one type of questions at a time.
"What kind of hubs will you be?" Well, let's start with your situation as it is ...

First part - Your defiantly getting there and have found the best place to ask.
Once you have recognised a problem you are half way to dealing with it.

second part - My 2 pennyworth:

As much or as little as you want it to


I would think so, if anyone can tell me what normal is anyway? People do have successful lives with even greater problems.


do you want to? many people of all sorts do and regret it.


Your probably as well qualified as anyone else.


Again your probably as well qualified as anyone else.


Whatever sort you want to be, in general ASD types are much more loyal then NT's


Probably no more dysfunctional than any other.

I've spent every waking moment since then running from that fact, but I can't deny it anymore.

***********I've suspected I have AS for about 10 years, and run from it since then. Just starting to deal with the fact that I may have it and all indicators are that I do, but haven't yet worked up the guts to get some testing. You're already further along than I am.

My whole life is affected by it and my whole life is completely f**** up because I haven't dealt with it, or learnt how to deal with it, I've just tried to go on pretending that it doesn't matter and that I don't need to make concessions for it.

***********You will need to make adaptations. That is something that scares the life out of me, but something I'm slowly starting to come to deal with if I want to save my marriage. I don't know if it can be saved, as it takes two to save it, but I don't want to give up without an armed (with knowledge) battle.

But now here I am 5 years later completely lost, without a soul to tell and I have absolutely no idea who I am.

***********I don't have a good idea of that either.

I pretended that I was happy to know when I was diagnosed and in a way I guess I was, but I haven't even begun to deal with it in any real sense and I'm sh** scared of trying.

************I get that. I'm afraid to even get the diagnosis.

What the f**k does it mean?

**********Dunno. I am just starting to go there. I am already diagnosed with three other neurological disorders (epilepsy, migraine and ADHD) so if I can extrapolate it's just one more piece of cosmic s**t dealt my way.

Will I ever be able to have anything even remotely resembling a normal life?

*************Mine *resembles* normal, but isn't. I have an education, a career, and three quirky but lovable children. My marriage sucks because I can't do (crap, I can't even UNDERSTAND) what my husband expects me to do to show my love. I can do anything but that, but it's never good enough.

Will I be able to get married?

*************Yeah. Just be careful that you don't mistake "I can fix you" for "I accept you the way you are".

What sort of husband would I be?

*************If you're like me, you'd love your wife immensely but have a very hard time understanding and meeting her needs. You'd be loyal. If you don't choose carefully taking your AS into account (I didn't have that opportunity because Asperger's wasn't even a known diagnosis when I met my husband in 1981), you may end up in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to get it and that can make you miserable.

What sort of father would I be?

**************Again, if you're like me, quirky but loving, fiercely protective, proud of your children's oddness as well as their normalness...

What sort of friend am I?

***************Probably quite loyal, once ppl get to know you, which few bother to do

What sort of family member am I?

*************Don't know. I know I am not very tolerant of my biological family because it seems that they are always finding fault.

I understand your frustration. I live it. I am very early in the process of getting the nerve to pursue this, and it took almost losing my husband to get me to do it, so unfortunately I am far from having all the answers.

Take care,
~Kate

Remind me never to pour my heart out again.

Kind of like the 12 steps?

I like the 12 steps, excpet for the God part.

Last edited by Brundisium on 22 Feb 2010, 5:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you get the diagnosis, where are you planning to go from there?

I've accepted it, but denying it all this time has turned my life into a complete mess and given that I suffer from chronic depression as it is, it's not helping.

I just don't know where to go or what to do next.

i think that knocks about 4 of the steps, making things easier on yourself already.


just think of it like this you can do anything you want to do. all you have to do is do it. as for what kinda hubby you will be obviously since your here looking for help obviously one that cares about the other people in his life. which is the bulk of what a husband does anyway. and if you can keep a steady job then your made thats 2 for 2 your golden

Wow, thanks!

Does anyone know of a good resource for local support with aspergers?

I think I might need to see someone to get my head around it.

just talking thru stuff any fourm like this, or a local shrink. for hubby stuff, all that is is being better than the day before, try taking a parenting class for any kids thats might come down the road, or a basic carpentry class to be mr fix it around the house, or a cooking class. my ex fiance loved the days when i already had dinner made after she had a long day at work.

Thanks so much, it's good to know I'm not alone in this.

I'll look into all of that!

one day at a time thats what its all about

Is frustration something I'm going to have to come to terms with?

Is it par for the course for people like us?

frustration is a part of everyones life. perfectly natural, its how you deal with it that makes you what you are. my world crumbles pretty much twice a day

How do you deal?

I used to get frustrated, now I just get sad.

But if I get over feeling sad I know the frustration will come back.

well for immediate problems i take a step back i dont think about the problem i think about all the ways it could be worse. by the time i snap back into it, the current problem doesnt seem as bad as i originaly thought. for the long term stuff i go to the shooting range and destroy targets. nothing vents stress like squeezing off .357 magnum rounds. also do ww2 reinactments its a great opportunity to step out of your life and into the shoes of another. so far i have never had a problem that was worse then what faced our troops during hells highway, battle for bastogne, beach of normandy, and market garden.