The man who last traumatized me is dead

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I posted about him extensively on this website 2 years ago.

I can't say that he "deserved it", exactly, because that implies there's a big Justice System In The Sky that hands out rewards and punishments.

But he lived a dishonest life that would bring him to a collapsed Self. He was very unhealthy and living out a lot of lies.

He was eaten from the inside by a fast, aggressive cancer that came on suddenly.

Like many NT's, his outsides were completely different from his insides, and as far as I could tell, as a system he was a walking contradiction and became unviable. I actually expected him to collapse and die a couple of years ago, he was so corrupt and unhealthy. I tried to tell people at the time, that he was not long for this world, but they didn't believe me and acted like I was making veiled threats.

He was a gifted researcher and was quite brilliant at digging into any technical subject very deeply and very quickly. It must have taken him only a few days to realize that all the stuff I tried to tell him as he was mistreating me and his girlfriend was bullying me, was true. I'm satisfied that he realized before died he didn't just hurt me with his sick behavior and dishonest life.

I'm not ashamed to admit that it does give me satisfaction that he probably spent some time trying to find balance in his life, focus on what's important, and take care of his health instead of being a corrupt and perverted jerk.

And I'm not ashamed to admit that it gives me satisfaction that he probably spent weeks trying to choke down green tea, take nutritional supplements, and eat whole foods and exercise, in a desperate scramble to save his life. These are things I told him he should be doing. (Instead, he started acting out a midlife crisis, became involved with an abusive woman and created an abusive environment in his work with me).

You know, we admire NT's. NT's have the gift of lying, cheating and being corrupt while acting like a completely different person on the outside. But this is not a better or healthier way to exist.

I might not like all the things that being Aspie brings with it, but not being able to lie, and living an integrated mind-body existence because I can't escape my senses due to sensory integration dysfunction, is more healthy existence than having the convenience of a life of corrupt abuse and mastering the art of maintaining pretenses externally.

The Asperger Syndrome forces me to live a certain honest and grounded life, and I'm not unhappy about that part.

Bump up a thread you started about him.

I posted a lot, but I was more focused on my mental distress and emotional trauma. I didn't start any actual threads about him, I think.

I just did a quick search, and found some stuff I know should be there that is missing. I wonder if he asked the admins here to have them removed. The fact is, if he alleged that I was slandering him, to get material removed, he was lying and I can/could prove my case.

At one time I was into top ten lists because that helped me with social framing, or getting different views of a complex situation. I view them as a kind of social framing poetry.

Here's one that I know I put on the Internet, but I can't google it up now:

Dr. Dennis Healy's Top Ten Ways to Get
Busted by your Research Assistant
Having an Affair with her
Skanky Psycho Girlfriend

10. Hire an Asperger research assistant who will meticulously work out any behavior she observes but doesn't understand;

9. Blush, glow, and get an erection when your research assistant tries to report to you her psycho girlfriend's weird supervisory harassment;

8. Show up for late afternoon, mid-Summer meetings with freshly blow-dried hair, claiming you just drove in from working downtown at DARPA all day;

7. Show up for said meetings with your clothes reeking of your research assistant's psycho girlfriend's stank, fungus-and-dog-B.O. smelling house;

6. Glare at your research assistant with mute fury and deep, personal contempt whenever she fails to return her girlfriend's frantic, codependent phone calls;

5. Listen carefully to what your mistress of one month has to say about your beautiful research assistant of two years; conscientiously apply everything your mistress says to your research project management. Everything your new mistress says will be true and professional and your project will be a great success;

4. Forget to tell your belligerent, stupid mistress to not call and harass your research assistant about what you told her your research assistant told you about her being belligerent, stupid and harassing;

3. Forget to tell your new girlfriend not to call your research assistant after your trysts to convey articulate, professional-whore insights about affairs with married men and how to use the corrupt fools;

2. Forget to tell your jealous, egotistical girlfriend not to share with your research assistant you think your wife is too stupid for you now that you're so successful; and

1. Cut your assistant's research, freeing her investigative mind and giving her plenty of time in which to ponder these mysteries.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of healing to do.

You do have a lot of healing to do. This man is dead, and although you don't believe in a big justice system in the sky, I do... if he died unrepentant then he's in even more trouble now than when he had cancer.

You know, if you allow your understandable anger and hatred to continue to hurt you, you will end up becoming ill yourself. I've had very similar situations with one person, and the only thing that gave me any closure was understanding that she has to live with herself, whereas I can walk away.

He may be dead, but you're still carrying him around inside you. You need to dump that rotting carcass of anger from your life, and walk away from it. Believe me, I really do know whereof I speak.

I'm not really carrying him around inside me so much as there's a network of retaliators who gathered around him and were persecuting me. He was an important man, who had his head up the ass of a bunch of power players in Donald Rumsfeld's Dept of Defense. He was surrounded by ambitious academics and professionals who were in his network of loyalists.

They followed my career and life after I tried to file a complaint at the school, got me fired, got me blacklisted, etc.

I mean what I say when I say he was an evil, corrupt man with beatific externals.

Much of the baggage I carry is not by choice and it's not within me, but external to me, in the circle of insiders he was networked with.

Part of my relief and satisfaction that he's dead is because if he's gone, the network of retaliation that he instigated with his friends and loyalists, will lose its motivation to track and blacklist me.

With him gone, they have little incentive to continue to retaliate against me.

Plus his little power network in the Department of Defense is gone. Rumsfeld was ousted at the end of 2006 and Dennis Healy's mentor and benefactor, Tony Tether, who was the head of DARPA, was told he had 2 weeks to clear out of his offices after Obama took office in early 2009. Dennis Healy's little network of power insiders, that he was a tool in, was broken up and discredited by early 2009. He was dead before the end of 2009.

He was part of that regime of arrogant Bush-era CEO-style executives who thought they could remake public service by forcing liberals out and using gimmicks from the private sector to undermine government. Part of the reason we have the cybersecurity problems we have today is that his mentor at DARPA defunded millions of dollars of funding to support university computer science research for cybersecurity, as part of starving universities (too liberal) and funneling defense research dollars to private sector corporations.

I'm not the only one who has been paying the price for these corrupt people's behavior during the Bush years. The economic problems, the screwups all over the U.S. from Hurricane Katrina to the Wall Street derivatives debacle, all took place during the watch of corrupt tightly networked insiders much like his during the Bush administration.

We are all still paying the price for the culture of arrogant-insider elitism he was part of.

And here I am, satisfied that he's dead and hoping that the burden of his retaliation will lift from me.

I can almost sympathize with the OP on this . . . currently, i have a relative who is going through her bout with cancer (smoker for 40+ years, and is in her 70s, though she quit 7-10 years ago) and she has single-handedly pissed off about every member of my immediate family over the last few years. She insulted my mother, father, one brother, sister-in-law, and me and played the favoritism game with "select members of the family who are living correctly" . . . ie, they grew up, went to college, got their degree and then job, then got a house, then finally married . . . or married, then get a house (if one doesnt follow this path, you are worthy only of scorn, and hasnt yet ridiculed the other brother because he's so close to this "plan"). At this point, i would not give her the satisfaction of forgiving her for i will NOT let her pass this world with my forgiveness . . . the original person i knew her to be was already dead (she didnt act like this nearly as bad in the past, but she continually insulted my mother because of a physical trait). Admittedly, however, of the relatives I've been involved with, ive only felt the loss and sadness from one . . . the rest i never knew well enough to care, this one included (glad AS explains this to a degree, and i am glad to not have some of the emotional baggage).

^^ Yes, people really can be so heinous and unacceptable in what they do to you and others, so that it's "unforgiveable".

And then you can only be relieved when they are gone (whether they die accidentally or do themselves in with their lifestyle)

It's sad when family works to undermine and harm others in their family