I am an emotional eater, and a piece of crap becuz of it
For the past six months I have been feeling chronocially depressed, and I've been eating like crazy. And I don't eat right. The things I get cravings to eat are pizza, hamburgers, fries and pop. I am 220 lbs and 5'5'', and I have gained probably 15 lbs since Christmas. At the end of summer I was 190 lbs, so I have gained a lot of weight. I have stretch marks all over my thighs and gut area, and feel embarrassed by them. When I eat like crazy I feel guilty and feel life a piece of crap. I've been giving serious thoughts to suicide and have even mapped out a suicide plan. Life is getting to be really hard: school is getting difficult, I have a bitchy boss at work and can't really get a new job. On the bright side I am going to Nepal in May and I am hoping that a constant diet of rice and vegetables will help me to get a bit healthier while being in a tropical climate. But I feel I may commit suicide once I come back. I want to live long enough to go there, and when I come back I think I will die. I can't bear living out the rest of my existence. I have too many doubts about the future and I think it will be too painfully to keep going. What do you think I should do?
I've always been an emotional-uneater. But, in April and May of last year, I put on 85 pounds without changing my meager diet. I am 5'5" and 220 as well. The doctors are trying to figure out what's wrong, and in the meantime, it's impossible for me to lose weight. But I'm still the same person. Have I suddenly lost welf worth because of my weight gain? Of course not, and neither have you.
Focus on other things about yourself. Your weight is such a minor aspect of your life, and it says nothing about who you are. Believing that your self worth is tied up in your weight is a lie. I don't know about you, but I don't want to believe lies. I like to believe the truth, which is that my weight doesn't speak to my character, my personality, or anything else about me.
That aside, suicide is NEVER the answer. Ever. Please talk to someone in real life about feeling like that. It's hard to talk about, but it can really help. I had to have that conversation a few months ago, and the doctors helped me and I'm doing a lot better. You're worth it. Hold on. Find something you love. For me, it's my cat. I can hold on through anything for my cat. What's worth it to you?
If coming back = death, then maybe the answer is to extend the visit. Hopefully you'll be in an area with internet access so you can still post here
Eating issues are typically not a physical issue, but an issue caused by non-physical stressors. Perhaps these can be addressed while you are there in a more positive environment?
I found these 2 books very good for emotional eating
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stick-Diet-Over ... 664&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Out-B-e ... 754&sr=1-7
and this book was better for feeling good about how I looked
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mirror-Linda-Pa ... 910&sr=1-4
Hmmm... I have often pondered "instant" deaths and have concluded that no death is instant, no matter how quick it may seem. Nothing in the world is "instant," do to the fact that there is always a distance between points a and b.
Consider the velocity 500 mph in one direction. If it were to stop, suddenly, into a REALLY strong wall, it would stop instantly, perse, but the force of a 79930 lb R32 NYC subway car (according to Wikipedia) hitting the said wall would reverberate throughout the entire car, crushing it. (Conservation of momentum, linear) It takes more time for the force to travel through. The force of it would be (mass times velocity) 39965000. That's a lot of momentum! Yeah, it would kill you. But, the subway car would have to leave point A to get to point B, which might be a wall or your face. But let's think of life and death now. No matter what you believe religiously, which can have a lot of implications for the afterlife, your body has to entirely shut down by however it will do so. In the case of getting crushed, it'd be REALLY fast, but it would still take time for your skull to fracture and your brain to die. And this isn't even considering how you will fly through the air. are you standing in the center? will you go flying off into random directions? have you even considered what that would do to the engineer and passengers? Lecture over: Main point: nothing is really instant.
what it something happened to the train also? and people got hurt or killed?
I know the pain you are feeling seems like it will NEVER end, but if there's anything life has taught me, it's that rainbows can only come after the rain. I know, it's trite and a cliche, but killing yourself is not the answer.
auntblabby
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nothing is certain, except that your life has a purpose and it will be only temporarily thwarted by any rash act including suicide. you are free to believe that there is nothing beyond death, but IMO that is just whistling past the graveyard, to use a punny analogy.
you are still young and haven't found your purpose in life yet. if you don't give it more time, you are not giving your biblical 3-score and 10 a fighting chance to play-out in full. if you are still serious, PM me.
You're lighter than I was at my worst, I was at the 300lb mark, I couldn't even get up the stairs to my flat without being all out-of-breath and sweaty....
I used to eat the same things as you; I'd go to McDonalds (by 'go' I mean drive to the drivethrough) I would buy a Big Mac meal with a Quarterpounder with cheese on the side, then I'd drive to Burger King and eat a double Whopper with cheese meal, and I'd still cram my mouth with bag after bag of snacks and chocolate later in the same day.....no wonder I piled on the weight!!
Also, these foods have no nutritional value whatsoever, they're full of sugars and fats, and if that's the only thing you ingest, you end up depressed, because you're body will almost-certainly be malnourished (common misconception is that malnourishment has to be something that only very thin people experience. Quite simply it's not how much you eat, but what you eat that causes it) so what you're eating will be contributing to the low feelings, again, I know, I've been there!
These high-calorie foods are also quite addictive, again because of the very high sugar and fat content, combine that with the cycle of feeling like cr*p because you eat something bad, the bad feelings make you turn to food, it can become a vicious cycle......it can be defeated though!
So, I suppose this is the bit where you think I'm going to say the evil D-word (diet!)....nope! I think what you need to do for now, is keep a food diary, and also write down how you felt on every day, whether you were stressed, or quite happy, down, or content, do this for a week, a fortnight's better, and that way you'll be focusing on what you're eating, how you're feeling, and you can look back over the results and try identify any patterns....for example, you may find on days you eat more sugary foods, your mood will be more subject to flux....think of this as preparatory research, you need to understand the causes, learn more about yourself, before attempting to 'fix' or 'change' things.
It's been my experience that just 'going on a diet' doesn't work! I had to look at my life, what I wanted to get out of it (for me, it wasn't the visual appearance of losing the weight, it was the potential of what I would be able to do, as in cycle, walk, ski etc) and go from there, plus everyone has different eating habits, such as times when they eat, what they like etc, diets are a bit too vague, plus the most common diets out there are designed for women who want to lose a few pounds, and these strict but short-term diets are utterly inappropriate for long-term steady weight losses of larger amounts.....
And remember, you can fail a hundred, a thousand times, but you only need to succeed once!!
Please don't end it, you know what, I am so jealous of you going to Nepal, so please go there, you'll love seeing another culture, I promise you that, and another thing I used to forget when I was morbidly obese: you don't have to lose ALL the weight to look better...every pound you lose, is a victory, every dress-size, a celebration, you CAN do it, accept that it does take some time!
Exercise too, start gentle, you don't have to run a marathon around where you live. There's an old saying, 'every journey starts with a single step' and this is so true of weight-loss, you don't have to go to a gym and half-kill yourself, just simple things like a 20-minute walk around the block (or if that's too difficult initially, then 5 minutes) this will get the blood flowing, and also the lymph system, which will make you slowly start to get fitter, healthier and happier (exercise can make you happy! It releases endorphins which are the brain's happy chemical)
been there, done that. Not every article has to be very long, and maybe you can look up one of the folks in the phone book/university directory for more info.
probably not.
I hope u enjoy your trip to Nepal. I want to go there one day.
eating the way they do will do good.
your life is worth living even if it is a hard life.
weight does not = worthiness.
Clearly not, otherwise he/she wouldn't feel worthless.
I honestly don't have any worthwhile advice. If it's an option, perhaps try to replace the emotional eating with punching a bag. Buy a punching bag and give it hell whenever you feel overly emotional.
Fickle_Pickle
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Location: North Hollywood, California
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