I am the subject of gossip :(

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About a week ago... no make that a week and a half... I went on a day trip to Brighton. Long story short I got overwhelmed, got shouted at by 'E' my carer and I got angry and hit E. Another service user (that's what brookdale calls us) was with us at the time and she shouted at me and I got a bit rough with her too. Me and the girl made up and so did me and E.

Anyway this Monday I got upset again. I didn't hit anyone this time but I was screaming loudly. Another resident walked in to make trouble as usual and started shouting at me that I hit E. That was a week ago and I got even angrier. Things like that are supposed to be confidential.

So I did a bit of detective work because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a staff member because if it was one of them who told him they would get told off. I was more convinced that maybe the girl might have told him, which I could have coped with but now I know the truth. She told her boyfriend who is in the hospital next door and he told the other lad. I'm really angry because he doesn't know me at all, he wasn't there, he didn't know the situation. Should I tell my manager? I am really upset about it.

I've also been the subject of gossip, as well. There's been a woman who my friends and I thought was a really nice woman, spreading gossip about me. That particular woman said that my clothes and hair was fake and that it was all an act, and that I was doing it for attention. The same woman also said that I get Dean to drive me everywhere, which also isn't true. I've typed out an article for the Grapevine, saying that none of that stuff was true.

Good rule with gossip. Listen to it. Filter it for correct statements about others. Do not spread it , especially if it is negative . If you refuse to spread negative gossip eventually people respect you more.

What to do when someone comes up with a burning bit of negative gossip :-it's usually a NT trying to get you on their side in some half imagined argument or social game you will not understand.
The argument wont be half as important next week, it will have a half life . They will be "friends" again . The game will change.


Do not bother. Just say stuff like "there might be a reason for them behaving like that". You might know the reason because you have listened but not spread.

You haven't been weird in interaction either.

Try to ignore gossip as much as possible. What memesplice said is right . Also, you might want to try and learn to control your temper and use other outlets besides hitting when your angry/upset (the yelling was better, but you might want another outlet too). This will help make sure you can no longer "fuel" gossip (give people something to talk about/at least that's negative).

First, the talk you're complaining about is not gossip if you did it - it's the truth.

Second, don't hit people and you won't have this sort of thing to worry about. People do have a tendency to vocalize after an assault.

Third, and this may not apply where you are, but in the US there are very specific laws governing Health Care workers, prohibiting them from discussing residents' or patients' personal information. Of course, when you hit someone in public, it's not private anymore, is it? Someone could have captured the whole thing on a phone cam and uploaded it to UTube. Next time they probably will.

Agreed 100%. Sorry, but if you don't want to be talked about, don't give people any reason to.

Fake hair sounds like a wig, but I don't understand fake clothes. Is it a misleading uniform?

I didn't really explain my situation well enough to understand why I hit out. I have quite severe Tourette syndrome which makes my limbs thrash out uncontrollably. When I get angry, my arms thrash. This isn't just an excuse for hitting, a psychologist said it was involuntary.

I also apologise for not replying to this post for ages. Viruses on computer.

I would also like to point out that I do not believe hitting is a good thing. I am actually trying to stop my rage attacks, but it is very difficult. Thankfully my house manager is patient with me and is trying to help me with my anger.

Ah right, that sucks Is there anything you can do to train yourself not to lash out? Perhaps when you feel the anger coming on, move away from people.

I think people will probably still talk unfortunately; that's what they do. In a way it may be a good thing; they'll start avoiding you when you seem stressed

I read this little story in the newspaper (a reader wrote in)

" There is the woman in my neighbourhood that is a massive gossip. She gossips about everyone. She told people that I drank excessively because my ute(pick up truck) is parked infront of the pub a lot(he parks it there when he goes to work nearby). I got angry about this, so I parked the ute infront of her house and left it there the whole night."

that is one of the wisest things I have read on here. I have learned this the hard way too many times to count. Further, they won't show you any loyalty at all if you take their side or defend them or try to comfort them in any way prior. And even further, they will turn around and stab you in the back to the person they were stabbing in the back to you. It's best just to stay completely out of things and not get used. I had a horrible time with stuff like this in grade school and high school. I was so mentally thick, I guess because of spectrum stuff. And still things like this trouble me on jobs. This is going to sound horribly cynical but loyalty to NT's alot of times seem to be based on what the other person can get them or do for them, so if they temporarily need to make use of me for something ( like to vent about a friend or for social machinations) their loyalty in the end is going to be to the person with the higher social position or who is better looking or whatever. I am going to get used and discarded, because I don't have any status or whatever else is required.

You're not alone.

I've been the subject of gossip my whole life.

I think it's because it's so easy to insinuate and make fun of us in ways that we wouldn't notice.

And because we don't notice things we do to upset people.

Get 2 friends together who've both known someone with ASD and I guarantee you they'll end up talking about that person at some point, be it good or bad. Get 2 friends together who have both had their feelings unwittingly hurt by someone with ASD and I guarantee you they'll b!tch about that person (and in particular how much it seems that they just don't bother to care or notice).

If you come up with a way to get around it let me know!