Do I have a right to feel angry and hurt by this?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

captainnero
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

02 Apr 2010, 11:10 pm

I was at a house party last night and a drunk fellow fell over me. His buddy pulled me up and started making fun of me for being fat - I am self-concious about my over-weityness. Then he starts saying to me that in 6 months if I lose 80 lbs ill be able to bang lots of chicks, etc., etc. I was really upset by this and its still bothering me as I felt this guy had no right to talk to me like that. Do I have a right to feel bad about this?



Ackman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Age: 173
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,521
Location: The Creedon Republic

02 Apr 2010, 11:48 pm

captainnero wrote:
I was at a house party last night and a drunk fellow fell over me. His buddy pulled me up and started making fun of me for being fat - I am self-concious about my over-weityness. Then he starts saying to me that in 6 months if I lose 80 lbs ill be able to bang lots of chicks, etc., etc. I was really upset by this and its still bothering me as I felt this guy had no right to talk to me like that. Do I have a right to feel bad about this?


He was drunk, people say a lot of crap when they're drunk. I should know. I've been told I said something along the lines of:

"Is your girlfriend pregnant? Cause she's as fat as a F***ing house!"



elderwanda
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2008
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,534
Location: San Francisco Bay Area

02 Apr 2010, 11:57 pm

captainnero wrote:
I was at a house party last night and a drunk fellow fell over me. His buddy pulled me up and started making fun of me for being fat - I am self-concious about my over-weityness. Then he starts saying to me that in 6 months if I lose 80 lbs ill be able to bang lots of chicks, etc., etc. I was really upset by this and its still bothering me as I felt this guy had no right to talk to me like that. Do I have a right to feel bad about this?


That was a very uncouth thing for him to say, and being drunk is no excuse for being a creep, in my opinion. If people can't drink without becoming jerks, then they shouldn't drink at all. Anyone who uses a phrase like "bang a lot of chicks" is hardly worth getting too upset over.

Sure, you have a right to feel angry and hurt by it. You also have the right to allow the anger and hurt feelings to pass.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,548
Location: the island of defective toy santas

03 Apr 2010, 6:18 am

the other fella was just a barking dog too full of beer. ignore him, stop thinking about this and get on with your life.



LostAlien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,577

03 Apr 2010, 7:22 am

As elderwanda said. You've the right to feel hurt over this but feeling the feeling and then letting it go is a good idea. The guy seems like an idiot anyways, feeling upset over what he said for a long time will hurt you more.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,256
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Apr 2010, 8:07 am

Yes you do have the right to be upset.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

03 Apr 2010, 8:10 am

Next time bat your eyelashes and say "why go for chicks, when I've got hot guys like you falling all over me..." :P

You can get pissed off- what they said was insulting- but they sound like drunken jerks.

They obviously felt stupid tripping over you, so tried to make you feel bad to raise their own self-esteem. Pretty dumb behaviour and if they carry on acting like that, someday they'll do it to the wrong person and get the s**t kicked out of them.

edit: alternative comeback: "well, you ladies seem to be tripping over yourselves for a piece of me...".



alana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,015

03 Apr 2010, 8:58 pm

you are having a normal reaction to having encountered an @sshole. You only had to endure this person for a few minutes of your life but they have no escape from themselves 24 hours a day, for eternity. You definitely got the better end of the deal. One thing i marvel at looking back is how I had no sense of this for so many years of my life. I truly believe it plays into the thing of how people on the spectrum operate from a standpoint of truth and tend not to understand other motivations for saying things like this. I really had to delve deeply into psychology and mental pathology to understand the motivations for this kind of behavior...it was nothing I ever would have engaged in and I couldn't for the life of me understand it. Also being sensitive and not having a thick skin, which are things I really am not convinced can be helped. I had to attack it from an intellectual standpoint of studying pathological behavior and trauma in childhood and what motivates this kind of @ssholery to be a bit more at peace with it. Have you been told that you are overly sensitive and have people told you to 'let it go' etc? Because people told me this all my life, so I felt not only wounded by interactions like this but deficient in some way because of the way I reacted to them, which I now know is just 'how I am programmed' and not something I had control over. So screw the people who don't understand, *and* the people that go around saying idiotic things like this to strangers.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

04 Apr 2010, 10:08 am

alana wrote:
I had to attack it from an intellectual standpoint of studying pathological behavior and trauma in childhood and what motivates this kind of @ssholery to be a bit more at peace with it. Have you been told that you are overly sensitive and have people told you to 'let it go' etc? Because people told me this all my life, so I felt not only wounded by interactions like this but deficient in some way because of the way I reacted to them, which I now know is just 'how I am programmed' and not something I had control over. So screw the people who don't understand, *and* the people that go around saying idiotic things like this to strangers.


That really sounds familiar. It hurts loads when people I trust take this stance and tell me not to overreact. I can hide my feelings from as*holes and people who I am not friends with, but have no idea how to deal with friends and family who I know care but because they don't understand my perspective, they treat me like my views are the problem, not the other person's behaviour.

I think perhaps we can change our programming, but not overnight. I'm trying not to take things personally, and understand why people act the way the do, but everytime someone trivialises my feelings, I feel it sets me back a bit.



alana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,015

04 Apr 2010, 3:54 pm

Lene wrote:
alana wrote:
I had to attack it from an intellectual standpoint of studying pathological behavior and trauma in childhood and what motivates this kind of @ssholery to be a bit more at peace with it. Have you been told that you are overly sensitive and have people told you to 'let it go' etc? Because people told me this all my life, so I felt not only wounded by interactions like this but deficient in some way because of the way I reacted to them, which I now know is just 'how I am programmed' and not something I had control over. So screw the people who don't understand, *and* the people that go around saying idiotic things like this to strangers.


That really sounds familiar. It hurts loads when people I trust take this stance and tell me not to overreact. I can hide my feelings from as*holes and people who I am not friends with, but have no idea how to deal with friends and family who I know care but because they don't understand my perspective, they treat me like my views are the problem, not the other person's behaviour.

I think perhaps we can change our programming, but not overnight. I'm trying not to take things personally, and understand why people act the way the do, but everytime someone trivialises my feelings, I feel it sets me back a bit.


I had a feeling it might be that. And the truth is sometimes people don't want to be bothered with your feelings, so they will cop out and say stupid stuff and then change the subject. It really slays me when these same people then will turn around and try to dump their feelings on me. It's important to pay attention to who listens and who doesn't.



Mouldy
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 467
Location: The Other Side Of The Pickle Jar!

04 Apr 2010, 5:31 pm

You have 100% right too feel upset id probably want to punch him more than feel hurt by him even if he was drunk although take in mind that drunk guy do say the most hurtful things even when they are tying to sound flattering but from you description i guess he was just trying to look big infront of his mates. Forget him dust yourself down he's drunk anyways so wtf does he know :wink:


_________________
Youtube killed the video star!


My favorite letter is the squiggly! ~ :D