I Don't Even Know...

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I can't figure out how to articulate the way I've been feeling recently; it's honestly the most confusing mood I've ever been in. I feel annoyed constantly, but not angry; my self-esteem is to the point where I can't even look in a mirror; I'm always bored, always feel somewhat caged in, but leaving my house is too stressful. I don't want anything anymore--I still have dreams and goals, though they fade a little now and then--very little shocks or excites me anymore such that I'm completely overwhelmed by the lack of my life's intensity.

There are periods where ambition and slight confidence reappear, but sometimes just 15 minutes later I reprimand myself for thinking I might be able to do something. I'll spend those periods intensely writing something or other, but delete/erase it all once I realise I'm a fool to think my efforts at anything could be of any merit.

It may sound strange, but I feel like I've psychologically melted and don't have anything of myself left distinct from the world around--not in Zen kind of way. In my mind I ask myself dozens of times a day "who are you, what are you?" but can never answer. I've been depressed before, and still am, but it's never been like this; I've never felt so...what could you call it...I've never felt like I lost myself, or maybe removed from myself is more accurate. It's the strangest thing I've ever asked myself but, where the hell did I go?

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I can't see how anyone could offer advice based on what I'm sure is very incoherent information. Support? I don't know, do any of you know what I'm talking about, felt the same way? In a very odd way, it's reassuring even typing the pronoun "I", because at least then something of myself, in some weak way, is distinct from everything else. I just don't know.

Are you thinking about doing to many goals at once or are trying to do to much at one time? Maybe over expecting of yourself?

I feel that way from time to time, like everything I thought was important becomes unimportant, and every emotion I feel seems false, like I'm an actor on stage. It usually passes after a day or two.
If you're taking medications, you might want to talk to your doctor about these feelings and see if s/he will adjust the dosage.
It is a good sign that, even though you're feeling weird and apathetic, you reached out to get advice. So I wouldn't worry about it, unless it continues, in which case--get help.