I feel stupid

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For those of you who don't know, I have been unemployed now for over a month since I walked out of my last job. I've obviously been looking for jobs since before my last week with my ex employer. I even have an interview on Tuesday for a lab job which is good but I'm nervy about it.

In case no one knows this either, the reason why I walked out of my last job was the due to the culture of bullying that was allowed to develop within the workplace. At first I thought everyone was cool (I can be really naive and prefer to see the best in people) as everyone was so nice to me when I started and made a real effort to include me in everything and told me I was cool etc. As the weeks went by I began to notice (from observation and what some of my then co workers said to me) that there was this one individual called Sam* (name changed) who always seemed to have an issue with somebody and would be verbally abusive and use body language to be intimidating and make their working life uncomfortable. He seemed to have a hold on everyone in that if they didn't isolate someone he didn't like at the time or join in with the bullying to a certain extent, they would then become one of his targets.

I pretty much made friends with everyone in that lab as I can be a little shy and quiet sometimes but I'm open and fairly easy going. But there was this one guy in there called George* (name also changed) who was consistently being picked on by Sam. I became good friends with George and Sam knew this and didn't like it. So he started to dislike me and spread rumours that me and George were sleeping together which we weren't. Just to point this out, the wimpy spineless Senior Technician Warren* allowed this behaviour to go on and practically kissed Sam's ass. Anyway, Sam tried to get me to isolate or pick on George and I refused. On refusal I knew what the consequences would be and so what happened next was I was isolated, no one would talk to me (apart from George) and my reputation was dragged right down as Sam spread about that I made up stories about myself to gain sympathy and that I was a pathological liar. He also intimidated me at work to top it off and nasty things were said about me behind my back. This took its toll on my health, I lost weight and every time I ate something in the mornings, because I was that nervy about going to work, I puked it up. And they actually enjoyed doing this to me so I left, but not without telling the senior tech he was a spineless bastard and the fact that he can live with himself makes him just as evil as Sam. I also, in the end, told the Lab Manager that her staff were unprofessional and cruel and she didn't like it. I suffered unnecessarily but I had to stick up for my principals, I don't like bullying or making personal attacks on people particularly if they don't deserve it and I wasn't going to partake in it just for a quiet life.

Anyway since then, although I'm not there anymore or in any bad environment, I feel nervous or a little anxious about going out, even to see friends. I've told myself that this is stupid but can't help it. When I reach my destination I'm fine, its just getting there that bothers me or if I'm going shopping alone and I never used to be like this as I'm now very weary of others. I have to go for a job interview this tuesday and if I get the job I'll be happy but anxious that I may be faced with the same situation again. My last job was my first ever full time job and it went wrong. I think I may be slowly getting over this but I feel I'm being stupid.

I don't think you're stupid at all. Quitting was the smart thing to do, as the tense environment was taking it's toll on your health. I'm glad you stuck up to them, they needed someone to do that. Hopefully more people will follow your example. I'm sorry you have to suffer without a job now because of that jerk Sam, but I hope you find a new job soon and wish you the best of luck.

Mmmwwwaaaaaahhhhahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!! !! !! (Evil laugh)

I got a phone call from George yesterday and he told me of the work ethics in the lab since my departure. Me leaving seems to have had a bit of an impact now that the real reason why I left is common knowledge to the company bosses. HAAAAAAAAhahahahahaha!! !! Sam the twat cannot make up lies about people anymore because he has now been outed. However, there are some behaviours that he is continuing with as he's clever and knows how not to get caught most of the time. However, morale is at an all time low in that place as everyone has fallen out with each other for various reasons. Well I just find this highly amusing considering they were all willing to make my life hell to save themselves, well now the s**t has hit the fan hasn't it? Crabs the size of plums infesting Sam's lower regions would be too good for him as you can see the crabs and pick them off. No, he should be made to suffer the infestation of fleas down there, ones that don't die mmwwwaaaahahahahahahahahahahaahahaaaaaaaaaa!! !! ! The penny is beginning to drop and Sam is losing his composure and all because I had the balls to say what was going on and put it in writing and then walk away and leave them all to it. Now they are suffering and I am laughing for a change hehehehehehehehehehe!! !! !! !

I hope you feel better soon.

Fiz that's sounds like you've been through hell and back. I know how it is to be uncomfortable or nervous about going out with friends. I wish I could be there with you to do anything that you want to help things get better but I can't so I only can give you advice or comfort. I hope that you can make it out and try going with friends. I really know that you can. I think in time you will be able to get back out and have fun with your friends. I think what you need to do is take things in steps and take it slow. Don't try to rush things it'll only make things worse. I know I've done it my self. Everything besides this issue that things are going well for you. Take care really take care of your self. Things will turn out right you're not stupid. You're very smart I know you are. See you around.

You did the right thing.

I've never been in a job situation that messed up but I hope if I ever am I'll have the guts to do what you did. You were right to stand up for yourself and your friend. And since he kept talking to you even after others ostracized you, he sounds like a friend worth keeping. Good luck with the job search--we're all pulling for you, especially those of us (like yours truly) who are in that same tiny boat.

I've never been in a job situation that messed up but I hope if I ever am I'll have the guts to do what you did. You were right to stand up for yourself and your friend. And since he kept talking to you even after others ostracized you, he sounds like a friend worth keeping. Good luck with the job search--we're all pulling for you, especially those of us (like yours truly) who are in that same tiny boat.

edit: Sorry about the double posting--I thought the first was rejected because it was too soon after a previous post. Very confusing for my head!

When people of the opposite sex do that like my brother girlfriend christine I say you must be flirting me. I say you don;t want me to think that right? I could understand if she was. I mean she is humping my back when I am lying down. Then she write do me hard day on my calender on valentine's day. She also make sexual comment indicated arousal if you know what I mean. That did not work so I play here game I be sarchastic back. Its hard to tell with her cause she is fuckn stupid drip. I figure my brother was bad mouthing me. If its the same sex I figure it something social that they carry to were ever. This black kid was bully me. He did not care about my muscular physice. He says he was a lover but he was acting like a n****r. I am no discriminating against black people just him cause he was rude. My mom friend is black and he is nice. I remember things I herd and immediatiely I stopped I fealt sorry thought is family life is ruff and he was trying to get attention by acting bad. I was dead on his friends appologize to me in the supermarket when he was not there and told me. He like everyone else thought I was 16 and not 23 and that there would be no legal issue. I remember that after the tiff. It would be rape I attacked him. I have hud paying my rent I don't they would like if I got in a fight. Then there is the police. The last thought I had was arm wrestle then I would not kill him. He still comes over with his friends I don't ban him. Last one fiz you will like this one he might have been bothering you if is attracted to you its happened.