What do you do when you reach a point?

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I have suffered two severe breakdowns in my teens, both times losing everything I had been working towards and leaving me on the scrapheap and at square one. I have since had around 9 years or so where I have been busy carving out a career for myself, buying a house, getting married and starting a family. The last 2-3 months have been hellish and have culminated in me slipping further into a depression and wanting/wishing to die. I even told my wife the other day that I want to have sex with a woman with AIDS. I get to a point like I am at now where I cannot see any light. I had booked myself a trip to my hometown which I was looking forward to, including tickets to see my favourite sports team...I did not go. I've just spent my time in bed or lying on the kitchen floor and/or ranting/raving and punching myself in the face. I'm at a loss.

You need to seek professional help ASAP

You need to see a counselor now. You may need some time off. Perhaps under professional care.

If you want, take a minute to tell the wife you're going to get help. She'll probably think that's a great idea. She may be trying to think of some way to help, or trying to make sense out of a situation neither of you is to blame for.

Schedule some medical leave at work. You don't need to give them details. If they haven't been observant enough to already know, then they probably don't care. Just tell them you'll be fine. Or, just give them a call after you talk to a therapist.

If this is a cyclical depression, there may very well be a chemical reason for it. If you have a unique neurology, it may affect you in unique ways. I've been there. I had to take some medicine for a while, but life is a lot better on the other side.

Most of all, make contact with someone competent as soon as you can. You don't deserve to feel that way.

What I did...

checked my diet to make sure it was healthy.
Took a multi-vitamin, esp. B's and D3 and got outside, even if it was just sitting on the porch.
Went to a therapist. Still going to a therapist. Helps big time.

Don't give up, your life is precious, no matter how it feels right now.