I Don't Understand....Help!

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I had this perfect day planned out with my boyfriend yesterday while my family was gone, but then a few hours into the day, my plans were crushed. We had to go get my grandfather from the hospital and my boyfriend had to leave in a hurry because we had to leave right away. My Aspie side took over after he left and I started ranting and raving about how my weekend was ruined and how I just wanted to be with him instead. And my mom just snapped and called me a "selfish b***h" and said how all I care about is myself. Then she went on about how I shouldn't even wish her a happy mother's day because I already screwed that up, and she isn't expecting anything from me, and that we are nothing anymore. I don't "owe" her anything.

I've had a really hard week at school and I've just been working non stop on crap I needed to finish by TODAY, and I totally forgot to call my grandma and wish her Happy Mother's Day. I know it's horrible, but I COMPLETELY wasn't thinking about it!! !! !! ! The only reason I wished my boyfriend's mom a happy mother's day is because he texted me and I had her gift sitting right in front of me! And then I just kept on working on my school work....

Now my mom comes home and she says she's going out to dinner and a movie, and she doesn't really care if I come. She doesn't want me to go because "it's the right thing to do" and she doesn't think I should stay home to wait for my boyfriend to call (who she says has been with his mom all day, because he LOVES her from his heart and not just because it's the right thing...) I can't win with her! Nothing I do will help this situation because she says, "I already know what you're like and who you are, and that's it..."

UGH! Why is everything so SCREWED UP!! !! !! !! I just can't seem to do anything right....I can't make it right either because I don't know how!! I need help....am I a terrible person?! I don't think I am, but I feel like CRAP and I don't know what to do!! !!

Yeah, I never handle greeting-card holidays very well, either. They're custom designed to create guilt. I don't even like people sending me birthday cards, because I feel they're just doing it because the calendar obligated them to acknowledge it or feel guilty, and frankly I don't care to acknowledge them myself. Then I feel guilty because I don't want a stupid pointless card lying around the house taking up space, but I feel guilty if I throw it out, like I'm doing something rude.

You're not a terrible person, but you and your mom have let this blowup spiral wildly out of control. Both of you need to consider making a sincere apology, and somebody's got to go first.

Seems to me you were pretty self absorbed this week, because you had things you needed to do. Aspies relate better to things than to people, so the important human days tend to slip by us... if we don't make the effort to remember them.

Mother's Day is clearly very important to your mother, and--just like you-- she likes to feel appreciated and loved. And when a big DAY shows up on the calendar and we miss it, it seems to others that we DON'T CARE, rather than that we are just terminal space shots and do tend to get very focused on our interests.

You had a gift for your bf mother... what about your own mother and g'mother? Boy, that would be a huge slap in the face if you hadn't even gotten anything for them, but something for another woman outside your family. Ouch. Easy to take that personally.

So here's what you do... in person or in a note, say, "Mom, I'm really sorry I forgot Mother's Day. I do really appreciate all that you do for me, and I want you to know that. I meant to express my love for you on Mother's Day, but I did get very involved in my own concerns and I just plain forgot. When I have things that I need to get done on time, I tend to forget that other's are affected by me. But I really do love and appreciate you and I'd like to go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that you're my mom." Or something like that.

Then put it one your calendar in big red letters... plan ahead, make sure you've got what you need and really focus on her for an afternoon and evening.

Then figure out the next important date for her and PUT IT IN YOUR CALENDAR! Plan for it, make it a special interest if you have to. With all the important people in your life, make the effort to remember their special days, to express your appreciation for their lives and the gifts they bring into yours.

Face it, though they drive us crazy sometimes, we wouldn't be here if not for our mothers. My mother was one mean-mouthed woman, but in the end she always came through for me, and now that she's dead, I really miss her.