worried i will be kicked out for good...

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Living with my parents. moms therapist told me mom and dad may get sick of me being all over the place and will "have enough".

She told me to go live with my bf in England. i have gotten vibes from my mom that she may be wanting to kick em out. and now I'm pretty sure i will be sooner or later. so hopefully i will have enough time to get my crap together solve my issues and be able to work before this happens.

Pray i can.

thanks blessing to all.
J

before i offer any insight from experience, may i ask your age?

Being kicked out made me wander around the neighbourhood
and camp out in the garden of the very house I
was "kicked out" of until someone saw that
I was not able to take care of myself.

You want to be very strategic and take a series of medium steps. For example, do you have grandparent(s), Aunts, Uncles, maybe an older brother or sister, that staying with them feels like it might be a possibility? If so, think about writing a direct, positive, matter-of-fact letter. for example, 'thinking I'm a little bit cramping my Mom and Dad's space' (see how you might kind of put a positive spin on it?) And say this in the very first paragraph. Please don't save it for the end, that would feel too much like a pounce.

What I've learned about political activism, primarily peace activism, is that if you 3/10's of 1% overstate a case, people will feel that they're being played and resent it. Perhaps shouldn't be that way, but apparently it is. So, if there is mistreatment and/or nonrespect at home (and it sounds like it's not a great situation), perhaps disclose it to a relative, but somewhat understate it, maybe make 80% of the case, and let them extend themselves to fill in the rest. 'There is some tension at home and maybe a break would be good for both my Mom and I' Maybe that kind of approach.

And I've also found what sometimes works for me in times like this is to add free positives to my life. More on that later.

Okay, about adding free positives.

And it can be something as simple as starting to learn guitar. Anything that reminds you of the good parts of life and allows you to move forward with a project in a generally positive direction.

Or, begin a martial art, yeah, just a little bit of a backup just in case you do get kicked out. The "hard" styles such as karate, just a couple of months, you can learn enough that it might make a difference. The "soft" styles like akido, it takes a couple of years.

I remember wishing that I had suggested to a former girlfriend that we help each other pursue school, business, and a job, all at the same time! (I often replay conversations in my head). That might be too much, really if you're just making positive strides forward in one, two if you can get it. The part you said at the end about getting your crap together and solving your issues, I've done that a number of times in my life and I think that's generally kind of a trap. In different versions, on different occasions, I have thought, if only I could be more something, less mistaken prone, see mistakes in advance, be more perfect . . . well, some life activities by their very nature cannot be done perfectly, this includes relationships, practicing medicine as a doctor, being an artist, etc, etc. Instead, you can kind of ping-pong it back and forth, even a seeming mistake gives information and you move forward from that point (like a doctor trying a broad-spectrum antibiotic, and if that doesn't work, he or she tries another; I am not a doctor, but I still think about being a medical research or a medical journalist). At a lot of lower level jobs there is only neutral and below, or that's the way it's too often looked at. If you're a cashier, you can develop skills of fast, friendly, engaged service, and that does increase the chance a customer comes back. But, you're likely to have a disengaged boss, say a 50-50 chance, who only sees "mistakes" and "problems."

Perhaps joining a computer club, and seeing what's cutting edge and what people are talking about right now? Perhaps volunteer work, which has a long lead time of application, orientation, training (kind of going corporate model!) No, you're not making any money and I realize you probably need to be making money. But, you're out there meeting people, learning new skills. And even when it gets rolling often organizations only ask for a commitment of 10 hours a month (not week), something like them. And just like a regular job, you can always plead "family situation" (without giving more details).

Or, perhaps start pre-studying for courses you are considering taking, and you can do this on your own terms and experiment with different learning styles.

So, please, even during difficult times, I highly recommend that you remain open to free positives.

I think it may be good for you to move in with your boyfriend. Are you able to do that?

Staying with an Aunt and Uncle, an older sister, or an older brother, something like that might work out?

Okay, that therapist just doesn't sound very good at all. And please don't let her be a distraction.

Okay, I get stressed out, too, doing my taxes (keep putting off, putting off, and perfectionizing) Social things, sometimes, in medium steps. Although often I need to take a long walk afterwards. And I love to write. I remember reading in Bertrand Russell's autobiography (who was probably Aspie, maybe not, and either way is fine, he definitely marched to his own drummer) that for one of his friends, something didn't feel real until he wrote it down. And that's kind of me!

Your posts are heartfelt and good. You definitely have things to contribute.

It's finding your way in a world which is over-controlled (?), maybe sure, overly normalist, probably . . . And a lot of people struggle. In fact, one of the political slogans I'm developing is "Aspie, 'Normal,' Different in Different Ways, All of Us Together, As Human Beings . . . " And the reason I put 'Normal' in quotes is because no one is truly 'normal' (and how boring would it be if it were)

yeah, the health problems, esp with your back, that sounds important. Doctors often aren't great listeners. But you want to find someone who's at least a halfway good listener. I've had success with writing medical things on a piece of paper, three things in clear declarative, straightforward sentences (because often doctors don't have patience for more than that) and then just handing the piece of paper to the doctor. It doesn't always work, but usually it does.


I hope you don't mind me giving your advice. Your situation reminds me of when my Dad threatened to kick me out at age 18 and when I was struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Still struggle with OCD some, but have developed some tricks and a sense of humor about the whole thing. And I'm a valued human being even with OCD, in fact, in some situations it can play to strength. So please take the advice you like and leave the rest.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have much advice but I feel for you and how helpless and alone you must feel.

The two ideas I'll throw out there:

1) Is there any type of subsidized housing for the disabled where you are?

2) Could you "move" to an area of the house where there'd be less interaction with your parents?

I live with my aunt. It is not as confortable as living at your own house but if you can´t pay the rent of your own apartment that seems to be the only way. I left home beacuse I couldn´t stand living there. . Sorry you are going through this.