Why don't people like me?

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This guy, N, says I can't come to his party, "Payback, it's a b***h. Think about it."

At another party we both went to he was very drunk, spitting and pissing everywhere, so when the party was over I went to drop him off and come back to get the rest of the people. He said he wasn't "paro", so he got pissed off, started messing with the inside of the car, pressing buttons at random. The next night he wanted to be one of the people to come to my house because my parents were away in Melbourne. I told him I couldn't handle him that night. This is supposedly the reason I can't come. So now he's openly harming me, taking advantage of my meek nature, and in public view on Facebook. It's like I can't help but wrong people. Is there a way of behaving that pisses no one off? I'm starting to think humanity is a waste of time, and not worth the effort.

How I feel about it all is that he and others, S and Z, don't see the problem with not including me. They don't like me so they construe that I'm a dickhead and that I don't deserve to be in their presence. They are then able to justify it. When this happens I am able to spend far less time with my friends, Johnny, Nicky, Chris, and Michael (however unpredictable he may be), because they're all "mates" with them and everyone. They don't have these social troubles, because they're not autistic, and not only that, but since they're not autistic, they don't fear rejection to the same extent that I do. They go off to these parties and to these events, and I have to sit around at home, sitting on my phone, hoping and praying they find the party boring and want to cruise afterwards. I have to rely on that.

I hate being an add-on, which is what people force me to be. It's bad enough that I've missed out on years of stuff already because I wasn't forward enough in friendships, of which Michael is so kind to remind me all the time. For as long as I can remember, I've been me and everyone else has been the people. It's s#%t like this, which pushes me outwards from this group of people, and threatens all that I have worked hard to build. My big problem with "not being allowed" is that it's a knee-jerk reaction to things that don't mean anything. Disallowance is a form of censorship, and it's an evil act. S, Z and N can all say to me, "You're a motherf@#$%^g c@#t and your mum's a s%^t." As they don't block me on Facebook or ignore me in person, that's fine.

Now that I've done my best to explain it, what do I do about it? People are a'holes, people are stupid, people don't care. What action do I need to undertake to fix my problem? I don't like arguing with people, whoever they are, except anonymously on the internet with douchebags, but that's different.

I usually refer my problems to Johnny, but really think this B.S. is unfair on him. I overload him with it, because he's one of the very few that gets me. I treat him like an interpreter, Aspie/Human dictionary. I haven't discussed this with him yet, but I intend to. He hasn't said anything about it. I think he knows that he holds a unique position in the group. When I was recording music with him, that night he and others were going to see Henry Rollins. At one point he got a phone call, asking where they were going to gather beforehand. After the phone call was over, he said to me, "Now the phone calls start." He has connections with everyone. I'm forced to put up with S, Z and N because we're only one degree of separation away from each other. We all consider Johnny a mate. He's a positive ion, and we're negative ions dangling off him. We repel each other, so he ends up in the very center. I also came up with a Simpsons analogy: he's Marge, I'm Homer, and S, Z and N are Patty and Selma. Marge is in the middle. Homer has to do his best to retain Marge, while Patty and Selma are outwardly cruel to Homer.

Aristotle said, "misfortune shows us who our real friends are." I've thought about that a lot. I've been waiting for the opportunity to show. or tell, everyone that I can be trusted implicitly to help them out in the case of any misfortune, should they need it. Kon called me asking for help, because he had an expired license and had been caught by a cop, one hour north of Adelaide in the middle of nowhere. He couldn't drive back to Adelaide on his own. or he'd be caught by the cop again and sent to jail overnight. There was absolutely no way I wasn't going to help him. I need to show people that if they ask me for help, they will get it. Yiannoula, a girl I've barely spoken to since high school finished (not because we don't like each other, but because we're just sufficiently different), asked me for help with her politics assignment, because I was online at the time, at 3am or something. I read her essay, and tried to help as best I could. As it turned out, I enabled her to write her conclusion with my few words of insight. "Omg, that's awesum!" It had something to do with national identity. The question was, "How can there be a national identity in Australia if there is racism?" I said national identity can exist in spite of racism, as long as one feels at home and shares a sense of loyalty with the people of the nation, I don't really believe that, but it sounded like what she was trying to get at in her essay. So I helped her, when I didn't need to. Another case, just a couple of days ago, Saturday morning. I heard on the radio there had been a fatal shooting in the suburb of Kilburn. Two people were killed in a drive-by shooting in front of a gym or something. Z lives in Kilburn, so when I heard, I texted him, "I heard there was a shooting in Kilburn. Hope everyone's ok." He replied with, "Thanks."

What's the problem? Is it my fault or theirs? Am I a sociopath? Am I on track to becoming a psychopath?

I see absolutely no reason to think you're a sociopath. As a matter of fact, that question really stunned me. I think your friends are acting like jerks and that's your major problem.

Why are you hanging out with this bunch of losers? Keep Johnny if you must, he sounds pretty decent, but tell the other three to take a hike. You were kind enough to drive this jerk home when he was plastered and making an idiot of himself, and he abuses you over not wanting to deal with him again too soon? There's nothing wrong with you in this scenario, except maybe the fact that you're calling him your friend. Personally, I'd toss him from my social network and lose his phone number, ASAP.

Give Yiannoula a call and see if she wants to get a soda some time -- she sounds nice and maybe you have more in common, now.

You should keep the friends who respect you and aren't jerks.

I have trouble keeping friends because, no matter how active a role I play, they always abandon me and cut contact at some point, for no reason. When I don't hear from them in a while, and want to know if they're ok, they either don't answer or are very hostile. One friend even made it look I was some sort of crazy psycho stalker, and treated me like she would an abusive ex-partner, when I was simply concerned about her.

I feel the reason I don't have many friends is because I am a Christian and vote Republican.

The main reason that I'm asking this is that I see this all as a problem that can be fixed, like you would a malfunctioning toaster, when in fact it involves people and is far more complicated that that. Isn't that sociopathy?



It's not that I want to hang out with S, Z and N specifically. I don't consider them friends or mates (which are different from each other). I'm simply baffled as to why they react so negatively to things that I do. Why am I such a bad person? S has held a grudge against me for seven years straight, from when he and I were 13 and 12, respectively. I never understood why, then, and it flat out baffles me to see that it has continued to this day, now that we are 20 and 19. Z thinks everything is a joke, and so if I ask him to do something or to not do something, he'll do the opposite to see what will happen, just for a laugh. He doesn't target me when he does this; he does it to everyone, but I'm the only one that really hates it. We were having a debate about drummers (which I've talked about in another thread in this forum), and I was surprised to see him joking around during a debate about his idol. I was being serious with my argument, and he didn't like that I didn't conform to joking, so he blocked me, amid an onslaught of insults. N is just very, very unintelligent and doesn't think anything through. I doubt he's even thought about what it means right now to not let me come to his party. The last time we spoke together, before this disagreement, we were on very good terms, exchanging ideas about a short film I intend to make. He was interested in it and made suggestions. A couple of days later he comes out with "Payback, it's a b***h. Think about it," even though the supposed mistreatment of him by me occurred before I told him about my film idea.

Ultimately, I think those three guys are simply moronic, but not bad guys. I can like everyone as long as they give me a chance, and they have all shown at times that they can be alright guys (even S, but I think Johnny pressured him at times to not say things like, "f**k off," at invited events).

The main reason it's a problem is that they inhibit the amount of time I can spend with my friends, with whom they're mates. Blocking me on Facebook means my friends look like they're talking to themselves, and if they post links I can't see my friends' comments. Inviting them over to their house omits me altogether. I can't be involved because they won't go out of their way to let me come. I missed out on Johnny's DOI trip because it occurred at S's house, even though we had hyped it up together, both of us having an interest in psychedelic art and psychedelic drugs for quite some time. Not inviting me to a party is the worst they could do, though. A big social event, where people that I maybe haven't spoken to for a while turn up, and I'm not allowed to come because the one in charge is holding a grudge against me over nothing. It's those nights that I sit at home, cutting myself, texting Johnny incessantly, and delving into the kind of kinky pornography from which I keep telling myself I need to abstain.

Honestly these guys are just d!cks and I'd go find better people to be friends with.

If I were you, I'd find some nice people to be friends with.

Oh wow...
There's nothing wrong with you, don't worry. These guys are just complete as*holes. I'm sorry you've had to deal with all this
I doubt it's anything you did, I think they're just not nice people.

That and watching the Simpsons and South Park.

Seriously I have this same problem as well but I don't think it has anything to do with religious and political affiliations. It is something about Aspies that just can't quite be defined. It may even be that this is just normal NT behavior that we don't understand also.