Helping friends and family through tough times

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Depression: Helping friends and family through tough times
By MayoClinic.com

Depression can rob those you love — whether they're family, friends or co-workers — of the joy they usually experience with normal activities and fill them with feelings of sadness and despair. Not surprisingly, their depression affects you, too, as someone who cares about them.

Going through an episode of depression with another person can be a very difficult experience. It requires patience and courage on both your parts. If a loved one is depressed, it can help to learn all you can about their condition and treatment. Know that you can offer your support in a variety of ways. And remember to care for your own physical and emotional health during this period. Taking such steps may help smooth the way to happier days for you both.

Recognize the signs of depression

If your family member or friend is depressed, he or she may not acknowledge the problem or may be embarrassed about it or feel hopeless that things will ever improve.

Two hallmarks of the condition are:

Loss of interest and pleasure in normal daily activities
Feelings of sadness, hopelessness or crying spells

Other signs and symptoms include:

- Sleep disturbances
- Impaired thinking or concentration
- Significant weight loss or gain
- Agitation or slowing of body movements
- Fatigue
- Low self-esteem
- Less interest in sex
- Thoughts of death

If you suspect it's depression, gently urging your loved one to see a doctor is the best thing you can do. Point out that depression is a medical condition that doctors can effectively treat. Mentioning that other conditions, such as thyroid disease, can mimic the symptoms of depression may help further persuade your loved one to seek treatment. A primary care doctor can assess the situation and, if the person is depressed, can treat the condition or refer him or her to a specialist.

Understand depression

If you've never experienced depression yourself, then it's impossible to know how helpless and hopeless a person can feel in the midst of it. Understand that depression is a serious illness that requires medical attention. It isn't the result of a character flaw. It's not laziness. And people who are depressed can no more snap out of their depression than can individuals with diabetes or arthritis. Fortunately, medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both can help resolve most depression. Try reading more about the condition and treatment to better understand what it's like.

Help that heals: How to offer support

Even if you can't know what depression feels like, you can offer empathy and compassion. Simply being there for the person can make a difference in the course of his or her illness.

To help someone who's depressed, you can:

- Gently express concern. Acknowledge the depressed person's pain, but avoid using the words "I know how you feel," since you likely don't really comprehend the depths of the person's sadness. Though you may think you know what's causing the depression, avoid offering solutions. Listen if he or she wants to talk, but try not to ask too many intrusive questions. People who are depressed often don't have the energy or inclination to discuss their symptoms, and they may instead just stop talking.
- Ask how you can help. Your loved one may not have specific suggestions of things that you can do, but he or she will know that you're willing to be supportive. Depression may leave the person unable to take care of regular chores and tasks. Make yourself as available as possible to help balance the checkbook, keep the home in order, run errands and take care of children.
- Give positive reinforcement. Depressed people often feel worthless, and they may too harshly judge their own strengths and weaknesses. Remind the depressed individual of his or her skills and abilities and how much he or she means to you and others.
-Encourage healthy behaviors. Sometimes a depressed person may want to spend the day in bed. Gently urge him or her to get some light exercise, engage in a hobby, or join you for a movie or a religious service. However, don't be too forceful if he or she doesn't want to go. If your loved one is undergoing treatment, help him or her remember to take prescribed medications and to attend therapy appointments.

Watch for serious changes

If your loved one is depressed, he or she is at greater risk of taking his or her own life. Stay alert for suicide warning signs such as:

- Agitated behavior and sleeplessness
- Statements about no longer living, like "You won't have to worry about me much longer"
- Giving away possessions or saying goodbye to friends
- Suddenly cheering up after a period of depression — though this may sound like unusual timing, if a person is depressed, he or she may regain the energy and focus needed to plan to commit suicide, yet still be depressed enough to carry through with it.

If you think a loved one is considering suicide, call a doctor, mental health clinic or suicide hot line immediately.

A balancing act

Don't expect immediate results when your friend or loved one begins treatment for depression. Counseling and medications take time. The doctor may need to prescribe several types of antidepressants before finding a drug or combination of drugs that eases symptoms. Some medications must be taken for at least a month before they take full effect. In the meantime, encourage your loved one to continue treatment and remind him or her that things will improve.

Supporting someone who's depressed isn't easy. Caring for someone who's depressed can be stressful and may cause you to become stressed and depressed as well. It can be even more difficult if you have others to care for. Share your feelings with a caregivers' support group or discuss the situation with a counselor, relative or other trusted individual. See your doctor if you develop any problems that you think require medical attention.

Remind yourself that with proper treatment, most people with depression recover. Better days may be on the horizon.

http://health.msn.com/centers/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100096449

I feel that if everybody would follow this model, Family Members would have a much closer relationship.

It interesting that someone mentioned this, 'cause my family doesn't believe in depression. To them, it's nothing more than the inability to handle what life is giving you; or worse, an excuse to make other people take care of you. One of the most "important" things my parents taught me is that showing emotions of any kind is for kids under 5 (who aren't strong enough to hide their emotions yet) and for old people over 65 (for whom it's OK to show feelings). Anyone else should always have a calm, even expression (read: stone face), no matter what happens in life. In my family, showing of sadness, anger, or frustration was strictly forbidden. Showing of happiness was tolerated to a small degree, as long as I didn't share it with anyone in the family. Life at home often felt more like boot camp than a safe harbor from the stormy reality of the world. Nowadays, my parents' home is no more than a place to eat, sleep, get my laundry done, and browse WrongPlanet; it has no deep meaning to my life, and never will.