My friend upset me! OMG!

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I'm obviously letting this get to me. She posted the following: hey brandy yeah you do think ahead lol and those plans sound nice but you have to remember i am really really busy because i do and will have school and most importantly i have a job, but i cant be spendingmoney cus im saving up for college and a university a car and maybe an apartment for my boyfriend and i in a few years and plus cellphone and my vacation to see my sister, i know its alot of stuff, stressfull so i cant be spending money and i dont mind .aybe a movie or dinner .but that party thing will not work and im sorry i dont want to sound bad but its the truth.



I feel awful and am in tears!! ! I feel like DAMN SORRY I BOTHERED YOU SHEESH!! !! !! !! !! !! !! She talks about saving money yet she's getting a new cell,goes to the beach WEEKLY and goes out with her friends ALOT! DON'T GIVE ME THE SAVEING MONEY BS LINE!! !! !! !! DAMN IT!! !! Also she's DEAD SET against a party idea I had (even WITH parents there) IMO COME ON as much as you hang out with your friends you don't want to do a HALLOWEEN PARTY!! !! ! DAMN IT! I'm a wreck and in tears over this! It's like why do I bother messageing you being your friend!! !! ! (She's the only friend I have) hopefully I can meet some friends in College. I'm in tears!! !! !!

She may be trying to get rid of you.

Also, she sounds dumb.

It doesn't sound like she was blowing you off. She told you she was happy to meet up with you for dinner or the cinema, she just doesn't have the time or money for an entire party.

I understand you're upset that she doesn't want to throw a party, but it's not a judgement against you. Her reasons in the email are quite legitimate and it would be unfair to ask her to waste her limited money and time on organising a party, when she is already very busy and trying to save for her future.

And even if she did just want to buy a cellphone, well, it's her money. You can't get upset with people just because they refuse to go along with your plans.

I've just gone separate ways, with a friend like that, recently. It hurts, but I know that I'll get over it.

I understand the save for future part but FOR GOD SAKE! I was going to pay for half the DAMN PARTY! and I was going to buy Movie tickets/lunch (she'd pay gas/popcorn) So I was going to pay my share!! !! !! !! It wouldn't be an OMG party. Just invite some friends over (costume contest) Pizza/soda etc.! !! ! I saw NO ISSUE with my party idea!! !! ! I know I shouldn't feel this way but I feel hurt.

Even paying for half a party can be quite expensive and time consuming.

You talk about 'paying your share' as if the party is already planned and you are both on board with the idea 50:50. That would be fair enough, if both of you wanted to throw a party and split the costs equally.

But since she doesn't want a party to begin with, and has stated as much, then saying that you'll 'pay your share' of 50% is a bit like saying " I want a party, so I want you to pay for half of it...". Since, in reality, you're the only one who wants the party, your share of any potential costs should be closer to 100%.

If you want this party that much, you will either need to finance and organise it yourself, or find another friend to help out instead.

Personally, I'd recommend just going for the meal/cinema. Way less fuss. Or you could compromise and go out for a meal in fancy dress



Unfortunately, different people have different issues. Your idea sounds fine, and I'm sure a lot of people would love a party like that, but I also see how it could run into difficulty with planning, especially as you are both busy (you're starting college soon too, aren't you?).

Last edited by Lene on 20 May 2010, 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes Lene I am starting College soon. I got the party idea since I have no friends (my cousin suggested meeting more of my friends friends) I'll be doing Bio lecture&lab and Anatomy Lecture/Lab and Speech (A HEAVY course load!! !!) I looked at ratemyprofessor.com Some are A classes but only if you SHOW UP and STUDY STUDY STUDY!! !! !! As a Psychology major I'm interested to get some Bio background and I'm interested in the brain (for anatomy) plus the other physical issues that run in the family.

That sounds cool. I did human anatomy myself for a couple of years- it's difficult, but very interesting.

You'll probably get the chance to go to a lot of parties when college starts and you meet more people; many places hold 'freshers' parties, specifically intended so that people in first year can get to know each other.

Her message to you sounds really insulting. Is she normally like that, or is this out of character for her? Maybe you could have a "party" at the movies, where everyone pays for their own tickets and their own snacks if they choose to have them.

Ya IMO it does seem kind of harsh and kind of a trying to get rid of you thing. That's what brought me to tears it was so upsetting. I messaged her Sorry I bothered you! and said something else and left it at that) She goes into I have a job/class now etc. and yet as I said I constantly see posts of going to the beach,out to eat with friends etc. Sure we are just catching up after not hanging out for much but she knows of my AS quirks etc. so that's kind of nice. I hope most of WP is right about the making friends thing!! !! !!

If you want to maintain friendships you have to accept that friends will not always want to go along with your plans. She doesn't want to throw a party. If you can accept that, you will stay friends. If you can't, you won't stay friends.

Everybody has their own agendas.

Naw that's BS. If she just doesn't have the money to throw down for a party that is understandable (if you're in your 20s and have an idea for a party it's not unreasonable that you yourself will "throw it"), but her acting like that, as opposed to just saying "sorry I can't help, wish I could", especially 5 months in advance, stinks real bad.

I dunno if she's trying to duck you or what, but she sounds like a pretty sh***y person with zero tact either way. Sorry.

If you don't have any friends, what's the point? Why bother throwing a party for a bunch of freeloaders?

Hmmm, i kinda of agree with this.
Parties generally aren't the best way to meet quality friends .

My B.S. is in Psychobiology. If you take this route you will LOVE it--it's really fascinating!

I'm sorry your friend did that to you. Honestly, I'm not sure if she's trying to blow you off altogether or if she was being as honest (about money, time, etc.) as she knew how at the time. Sometimes people don't think about what they're saying.

Maybe you could make some friends in college by forming a study group with classmates who actually care about doing well (that's always a good sign ). You might find you have more in common with them besides academics.

Please keep us updated about how college goes for you. Also, please don't let this upset you for too long. I know it's hard, and feel free to vent here as much as you need to, but life's too short to dwell on slights. You have a lot to look forward to--don't let one person's thoughtlessness spoil it for you.

Take care, and best of luck in college!