Parents chucked away all my belongings without my permission

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I am devastated.


I have been suffering from panic attacks and staying with my parents whilst going through a rough patch, so stored my things in my spare bedroom at my house in sacks for when I was able to return home. My brother , who was looking after my house was under strict instructions to not let anyone in the bedroom or meddle with my things, or touch them. I have reminded him approx 50 times over the last year or so.

The things included some baby clothes for my son, his signed shirt from last day at primary school, Some pictures he drew for me , his favourite toys as a child, the first bedcover I was ever bought when I was leaving care and venturing into independent living, His dad's things ( which aren't much - his dad left for USA when he was 1 and never came back So it's all we had), my son's baby record, , and other very personal items for me that reminded me of my past - but I can't for the life of me remember what they are now.

Yesterday, on returning to my house I found that without my knowledge or permission they'd taken it upon themselves to let them selves in to my house with a spare key a few months ago, Went in to that room, and took my stuff down the dump without even checking what it contained.

I am so utterly devastated - I feel sick. I feel so intruded upon. I have no trust for them now. Yet when I was understandably upset they were so cold and harsh and said to me ' it's not photos that have been taken so what are you overreacting for, any way- you haven't looked at the stuff for the last year so you obviously don't need it. '

I don't think I will ever be able to forgive them. Photos are fake. My son hates photos being taken of him and they don't bring back good memories as I will always know that he hated having them taken. The toys, clothes etc were all things that made him happy as a child - Things that evoked powerful memories of joy and laughter that I will never be able to remember now. My memory is so bad and I feel they have completely intruded on me and I can never forgive them . Ever.

They just keep saying to me - stop having a go - like it's my fault - and my brother is saying the same.

I'm questioning whether I should be getting so upset about 'things' but my son is the most important person in my life so his special 'things' mean everything to me. I know they are only belongings - but to me I feel like I am bereaved over this more than, or as much as, over any person who has died. His 'things' have more meaning to me than alot of people in my life.

I know the stuff is irretrievable, but am I being silly not forgiving them ? I can't help how I feel . I am so utterly hurt but I'm wondering now whether it's 'just me?' I am so incredibly upset but they all seem rather blase about it, that I'm questioning my sanity. Or theirs, perhaps?

I feel like leaving and moving away to a different end of England and never seeing them again. I've done it before when I was a teen and I suppose I can do it again. It's made me feel that bad. Or would that be foolish>?

Why did they throw away your things without permission?

WTF, they broke into your home and took your stuff and tossed it? WTF???

I'd be pissed too if this happened to me. I'd be mad if my parents went into my things in Montana and got rid of it without even consulting me first. My answer would have been no though.

I'd get back at them. Throw away all the belongings they care about. Let's them feel what you felt. Then move out and never talk to those people again.

I know that revenge is wrong in general, but in this case I feel it's perfectly justified. I don't think you're overreacting. Those people clearly aren't trustworthy. And I don't think it's wrong not to forgive someone for what they did, especially since they don't seem to show any form of remorse or even understanding. Even if they realised they did something wrong I'm not sure they should be forgiven.

That said, I may not be the best person to give you advice on this matter, as I myself am not in speaking terms with my parents any more, for reasons similar to your own.

That is horrible.

I'd have trouble forgiving them too.
Items have so much more personality than photographs - i'd pick to keep a deeply personal item more than a photograph anyday.

I can't believe someone would do that

You have every right to be upset, I'd be livid! I'm very sorry you're going through this

I'd be very pissed off, if my parents broke into my home and chucked my stuff, without my permission. Take away my Kinks stuff, and I take away your life! That would be the first time in my life that I'd inflect personal harm on anybody. For anybody to chuck my belongings, would be for them to tell me that I have to find a new identity. That of a more "Modern and feminine woman my age."

Why would they do that? Was it an accident?

I hope that you can salvage your belongings somehow, and that your parents step up to the plate and apologize. It's 2011 and we are still being treated like crap by family members who throw away our favourite things. Better yet, your parents should go down into the chute and salvage your belongings, themselves. If they were inconsiderate to you, than you can be inconsiderate to them right back. You don't have to take this. You should also rub it into their faces that they threw away a good chunk of your existence from time to time. I'm sorry that your parents had to do something so thoughtless.

I have had the same kind of thing happen to me, and I see no reason to let resentment rule the remainder of my life over it.

On the other hand, don't follow my advice. I'm just a rebel.

That is just so sad. It's just so hard to understand why they would do something like that. I would be really mad too, and it would take me a long time to get over it. To me, the worst part is that they won't even acknowledge that they did something wrong. That is just so crazy-making.

Judging from the OP the parents completely dismiss her feelings and see no problem with getting into her house and throwing away her belongings. If they want a reconciliation they should take responsibility for what they did and acknowledge the way they hurt her.

I can fully understand why she has a hard time getting over it. You're doing no one a service by formally "forgiving" them if you still resent them in your heart and it's very hard not to resent someone who won't take responsibility for the harm they caused.

I'm beside myself reading this and don't know if I'll be able to forgive them for what they did to you.

I just keep coming back to WTF phrases like, "Who does that?! Who does that?!" That was psychotic.

If you never asked them to do that, if it was clearly your property in your space... I'm completely at a loss for why anyone would do such a thing to another person. I'm not someone who's attached to things. My ex maliciously destroyed property (including photos) so I learned that things are only things; but, I still see where this is a big deal. The place wasn't burgled, there wasn't a fire, kids didn't break in to cause trouble, rats didn't make a nest, and there were no health code violations. There was absolutely no reason to let those things go, no reason for them to go in there, no reason for them to touch anything or even THINK about that stuff. That was yours solely to handle.

Have they always been that consistently uncaring and controlling? If this incident is one in a list of things that have happened to you by your parents unilaterally deciding and acting upon what they believe is best for you, I would move to the other side of the island and wall up your kingdom. I wouldn't destroy their things or anything so infantile or revengeful. (I don't believe in revenge.) But I would do what I believe is best for me to remove such a negative element from my life. After you've established your own boundaries, you could consider bringing them back in to the point that you believe is healthy.

If this was an isolated incident, I can see you working to forgive them if you can get it through their heads that they were WRONG WRONG WRONG. Something like, "I acknowledge that you were trying to do what you believed was best for me, but without my knowledge or permission, you'd actually violated my property and privacy. I'm very injured by your mistake and dismissing my feelings because you are defensive does not change that. An apology and a promise to never intrude on me and my home again would go a long way to help me forgive and move on. But you must realize that your intention to help does not overrule that you actually hurt me." But, you can't make them see something they refuse to see so if they don't get it, they don't get it.

I suppose they thought they were on some misguided rampage getting rid of rubbish - as the stuff was in sacks - but I told them many times not to go in to that room or remove any property from there.

I was so angry I hid my dad's stuff in the garden yesterday but my mum retrieved it. I am currently hiding all the family photos as they seem to be more important to my parents. However, they are not lost forever - and I think they realise that so it's not really have the desired effect on them that I'd hoped.