flyinghelmets wrote:
My life has been a mess for about a year and a half.
I've always dealt with mild asperger's, but it has never kept me from making a good number of friends. I was known as the bizarre, spontaneous guy, but I won over plenty of people with it. I was a character. Of course, all of this was incumbent upon a steady stream of thoughts I could share with people. I lost this around December, 2008.
Long story short, in July, 2009 an MRI showed I had developed a brain tumor. It was promptly resected (fully) and I've since undergone radiation and chemotherapy. Well doodlydoo, now I have asperger's complemented by chemo brain. I'm absolutely inept in social situations. My short-term memory is shot.
On top of this, the particular cancer type is Glioblastoma multiforme. Average Survival Rate is 16 months. Granted, I'm a 23 year old, fit young man whose tumor was fully resected and who exhibited a genetic methylation that boosts the efficacy of chemo and radiation. But still, this is a baseline concern that often factors into serious decisions.
For instance, there's a girl with whom I've been spending time, though we've both seen each other often times at college (both lacrosse captains). Our relationship is one of the few things I could talk to anyone about and feel content. It seems she's absolutely faithful to me and willing to stick with me through any hardship...but I feel guilty. That guilt has already almost cost us our relationship. And future decisions already loom over me: Can I, with my cancer and asperger's, even consider having or adopting children? Can our relationship last when we're both so quiet and shy? What will my death do to her?
Often the best I can do is suppress these thoughts...
About your relationship, it is very possible about it surviving as long as there is effort put into maintaining it. About everything else, I have no answers. You have my sympathy about your cancer.
Perhaps reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' would be a help?
30 May 2010, 1:20 pm
