I must be insane

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I have AS
but I hate it, so much
when you get to noticing your own faults, you just loathe it
I'm graduating from high school tomorrow, and I feel no stress over it. But I feel like I should.
I have these nuances with AS that stop me from reaching my fullest. I cannot remember anything important, mostly assignments.
I feel flawed. Extremely so. I can't get over that I have this. It's annoying having things impede your progress when your future has so much in store.
Music plays in my head constantly. It makes sleeping difficult.
I've nearly mastered social interaction, a skill that took fourteen years to master.
I know subtle cues.

I've eliminated nearly each problem that AS has presented, but organization is a monster I've yet to be able to topple.
Calendars and Agendas don't work. I stop using them after a while. I could be using it for a month or so, and it won't stick. It's gone.

I lose track of everything when I get home.

I'm constantly paranoid over so many things. I haven't gotten the ability to read some people some times. Most people I can deal with if it's upfront. But I've confronted so many teachers over wondering if I did something wrong, only to learn it was something completely unexpected. One did not act with a jovial manner like she did with other students because she saw me as more adult like in demeanor, something I took kindly after that day. But it repeated itself at least four times during the year.

Therapy does not seem to work.

I need someone on the same level to give advice. I'm nearing the next stage of my life, but I'm not ready for it yet.

Perhaps your reference frame skews your outlook. I once th*t in terms of my "fullest". The problem is when I overachieved it, I stopped trying, and when I underachieved (as you claim in your case), I blamed myself and fretted.

I hold the philosophy that one's "fullest" is a purely fictional notion, because it is subjective, and varies based on who judges you, and when. If you judge yourself by a standard that causes anxiety, you should abandon it.

When I decided to focus on the tasks themselves, instead of how I th*t I was supposed to do on the tasks, I got more done, and more importantly, I felt better about myself. Besides that, the clutter, the missed assignments, etc. — nobody will care about that by the time you apply for a job.

For what it's worth, I graduate with an engineering degree next week, yet my prospects are questionable; my plans, insufficient; and my desires, already clouded and compromised. I won't say "don't fret", because that's advice I can't follow. I predict, however, that important characteristic will not be the fear or the guilt, but the resolve.

I am looking for an answer/solution to this sort of thing too. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.