Happiness in loneliness

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A lot of us crave solitude most of the time, and can't be around others for too long without feeling a need escape for a while and recharge. When I'm on my own is when I feel most secure, and when my mind is at its clearest. I used to think I would be happy if I could just live alone, supporting myself and not depending on anyone else. But I've been in that situation for almost a year now, and am starting to find the weekends of total solitude just as draining as the long days at work during the week, where I'm surrounded by people. I find myself getting restless and feeling trapped as the day wears on, and feel something like guilt each time I go a full Saturday or Sunday without ever speaking to another person. Sometimes I even manage to go a full day at work without talking too, and it feels like a failing.

I want to ask - does anyone believe a person can live a happy, meaningful life alone? Never interacting with people outside of work besides the usual exchanges when shopping, having only acquaintances and colleagues instead of actual friends, and no family close enough for visits. Is there anyone in a similar situation who feels good about their life?

My life isn't terrible; although social fears and ineptitude continue to cause me enough stress to make my hair fall out, I'm coping, and am doing well enough financially. But I'm not happy, and lately I've been having a terrible sense that I'm wasting years that I'll never get back.

most folk are hard-wired to need some warm fuzzies. many studies have found that babies who do not receive physical nurturing [holding and handling] have been found to "fail to thrive" and will literally wither away- and the ones who survive generally have personality problems later in life. i am thinking of the unabomer as i write this. at least this one adult [overgrown big boy myself] finds they feel better when they get a warm fuzzie now and then.
warm fuzzies are nice, our bodies generally function better with 'em, and they have no downside other than the fact that western human society seems to have made 'em artificially scarce. even if one is a total social failure [like moi ] it still behooves each of us to at least make an effort to brighten somebody else's day once in a while. consider it one's good deed for the day, or week, or month. what you put out in the world eventually makes its way back to you. when i have made somebody else happier or at least made them forget about their own troubles for a bit, then that makes me happier as well.
your description of your isolation chilled me. such an absense of warmth. it reminds me of my own existence. but having the feeling that you are "wasting years that you will never get back" means that you have not wasted them at all but in fact are learning from this experience. if you never gave any of this a second thought, then that would be a lesson failure. i don't know if true loners are ever really "happy" in the standard definition of the word, but they can certainly be functional and lucid, sans the warmth of companionship. the world's cold pricklies are better than total indifference, but there is just no substitute for warm fuzzies.
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just my 2-cents' worth, adjusted for inflation

I LOVE to spend days upon days alone and not leaving the house. Sadly, I don't get that anymore since my partner's disability got so bad that he can't leave the house any more. But before, I would relish day upon day of seeing no one because he would be at work all day and then go to his friend's house and finally come home after I was asleep, creep into bed, and be gone to work before I got up.

But I need periodic warm fuzzies, too, to use the language of transactional analysis. And cold pricklies don't do it for me. I'd rather have no human contact than a cold prickly. But I don't seem to need the fuzzies very often. My partner and I used to schedule one day a week when we'd "visit" for several hours. That's really all I seem to need. And I could probably be happy with even less.

I love being laid off right now I only have had to deal with people when I want to deal with them. Having to go to work and be around people who do not want me there kills me a little bit everyday. It sucked every week I put out resumes and not one interview then they mercifully laid me off. I can stand to be: touched, looked at, talked about, or having to ask someone a question. The more I am away from everbody the better.

I need warm fuzzies now and again, too.

I could definitely stand to make more effort in that area, I guess. It's not that I'm not a kind person, but social fears often hold me back from being actively nice to the people in my life. I can see how that might make my days feel more meaningful in a way, though, so maybe some extra effort in that department might help.

I really felt that way when I was living with my family, but in my case I've since learned that solitude only feels good when it's optional. There are too many demons in my mind at the moment for me to be happy with only my own company for long stretches of time. I need something to stimulate my bain and keep them distracted.

I feel the same as the OP.

I felt the same way this weekend! It was like my apartment was a prison. I actually ended up just making random phone calls to old friends and ex's on Sunday afternoon, just to hear the sound of someone's voice. It didn't help cheer me up that although I genuinely missed them all, no one seemed able to make much time to talk. I ended up just feeling like I was being very 'needy' and stupid.

I can relate to what you said about feeling like you "failed" by going a day without interacting in meaningful way with someone. I think part of that, though, is the messages society sends about what your life should be like when you're in your 20's and making the most of your youth, etc. It might help to try your best to find happiness on your own terms, rather than judging yourself by the standards of other people.

Are there any AS support or social groups in your local area? I go to one in the Philadelphia area and, although it's a really long drive, it's been a big help for me, personally. Volunteering for a local shelter or some other nonprofit organization might also be a good way to develop social skills or make connections. I work in the social services field and have found that when you're helping people and they're appreciative, they seem a lot less likely to judge you for any quirks or awkwardness you might feel when around people. It can be a 'safe' way to test out or practice social skills.

Hang in there!

That's a small part of the feeling of failure, yeah, but it's more about letting myself down rather than the opinions of others. Life for me is an ongoing process of trying to overcome my social phobia and ineptitude, in baby steps, so any time I shrink away from interacting with the outside world I feel like I've let myself down. Social blunders or avoidances at work in particular tend to leave me with a terrible feeling of guilt at the end of the day, but I've gotten so good at keeping people at arm's length and dodging potential interactions that I often can't help but take the cowardly route - especially when feeling drained towards the end of the day.

I think the "find happiness on your own terms" part is something I'm having trouble with as well. I've seen people say that you can't depend on others for happiness, but I find it difficult to imagine how a person could live a happy, meaningful life if friends and family were removed from the equation completely. I'm not feeling great about my life, but I think I'd feel a lot worse if I didn't have support from my family, even if it is mostly just through e-mail.

There was a place that did courses for teaching adults with AS social/life skills that my mother kept urging me to try, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I've never fully accepted my diagnosis, which was for mild Aspergers, so I'm not sure how well I'd get on with that. I have kind of been thinking about some type of therapy lately, though. Or just some way to vent...I'm not sure.

There is a family living close by that my mother got to know while visiting once, and they've kept in touch occasionally, letting me know they're there if I ever need them. They're very nice people, but again, I can't help keeping them at arm's length out of nervousness. I have no idea what I'd do if I ever let them invite me over for dinner like they keep suggesting, but I'm pretty sure I'd just feel like an awkward burden. Nevertheless, it's a relief to at least have someone's phone number if ever there's an emergency I guess.

Other than that, I've only been living in this country for a couple of years, and sometimes feel kind of stranded. My job is great and I have just about everything I need physically, but I'm not sure if this is really where I want to live my life, separated as I am from everyone remotely close to me.