Where Should NT's Go?

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If I knew how to do it, I would do a poll:

I'm an NT. Like a lot of NT's here, I've set my foot in it more than once, unintentionally. Several of the AS members have pointed out that they really don't want to hear negative things about AS; this should be a safe place for people with AS. NTs shouldn't get to marginalize people with AS on their own forum.

They have a point.

The thing is, for those of us trying to understand AS, I'm not sure where else we would go. The amount of written information out there about AS is staggeringly small. Other online forums seem to be mostly oriented towards ending AS/NT relationships, and/or they're fairly negative in their own right.

Do you think NT's should limit what they talk about here, or how would you have them talk about it? What is the best way for an NT to get information here, without offending?

I think that you are in the right place (WP). I looked at your profile - you have a family member with Aspergers.

When posting an opinion or comment - when appropriate, state that you are NT. You will be giving a NT opinion and your own personal opinion on something.

Nothing wrong with that.

I often mention that I have "traits" - I am not formally diagnosed with AS, but after my own son was diagnosed and I was learning about it - I recognized myself in a lot of it. It really explained why I had so much trouble as a child, in middle school, in high school, college and even in the workplace. It explained why I had trouble with certain things, even though I am otherwise reasonably bright.

I don't pretend to by AS, I don't pretend to be fully NT. I just state that I have "traits," give my take on things, attempt to be reasonably respectful and enjoy hearing the opinions of others from their own perspective.

I don't mind what you say here.

To be quite honest I'm rather curious about NT's myself. I'm particularly curious about NT's like my brother's friend's friend who I see on facebook.

He (his friend's friend) is rather good looking, as are all of his friends. They have very symmetrical facial features. A lot of them are models and wear man jewelry and have body piercings and tattoos and they are all very social and active. They go to clubs and bars, snowboard, and so on, and like to hang out with people, but only if they are as good looking as they are.

As most of their facebook content is visible to friend's of friends, I see what they say about people and I've been absolutely shocked at how horrible cold, crude, and insensitive they are towards people who do not meet their standards of good looking.

They are young adults and they acted as horrible and mean as jr highschoolers towards one heavy girl who sent one of them a friend request and made sexual obscene comments referring to her of the likes which I can't repeat here. All because she was overweight and had the nerve to try to socialize with them.

And yet despite their complete lack of regard for another human being, and overt hostility, they are popular! People think they are cool and want to be their friends despite seeing how bad they treat some people! And to top it off, if you compliment them, they just say "I know", they treat rape and violence against women as a joke, and their girlfriends take it as a compliment when their boyfriends address them with words like "b***h" or even worse!

Granted, certainly not all NT's are like that but this type of behavior is something totally alien to people with AS.

Maybe you can shed some light on it?

Honest and respectful conversation is something that is welcome in probably any format out there, not just on Wrong Planet.

I submit that your best guidelines are ones that (hopefully!) you learned when you were young; "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all" "Treat others as you would like to be treated".

If nothing else, keep reading the posts! Somebody else will probably shed light on whatever it is you're trying to learn; if you don't find your answer in a reasonable period of time (it's up to you to define "reasonable" ) then it would probably be okay to ask.

Good luck!

I love reading posts from NTs who have a genuine interest in learning about Autistic Spectrum Disorders. You seem to have a genuine interest, so I welcome you to post away.

It seems I will never have a conclusive answer as to what category I belong in (since nobody has created a "half-breed" or "neurological mutt" category!), so putting on my NT hat for the moment...I just try to make it clear which side of my brain I'm talking out of in a given post. There are in some where I absolutely answer as someone relating to those on the spectrum (special interests, check, borderline dyspraxia and sensory issues, check), and I have no compunctions about doing so because that is me and I am being genuine about it. In other threads I either stay out where I feel it would offer nothing to the discussion, or state up front that I may have an atypical or NT perspective (certain types of social interactions...I'm not that bad at reading people, and my social issues may come from being shy and being a geek rather than necessarily the ADHD).

And if a thread specifically wants input only from those with an ASD diagnosis (and I exclude ADHD), I may read, but I am going to be very careful about when I comment.

If it ever became against board policy for me to post, I would be sad but I would respect people's wishes and leave. I hope that never happens, because ALL parts of my mind like this place. But I don't think sour grapes do anyone any good, and I would leave quietly if required.

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

PoppyX, you are as welcome as any. I personally dislike the way you claim authority about AS and relationships based on your experiences with a couple of aspies you met and some book you read. I personally take offense when you go around telling us what we are and are not, tarring us all with one brush.

Just examine your motives for posting; I don't believe they are always pure hearted.

And I half jokingly suggest that the mods or site developers perhaps institute a 'victims of aspies' section, so that those left bitter at their experiences with us can go there to let off steam.

Apologies, Moog.

Because my aspie fits one particular book I've read to a T, I didn't know that you couldn't all be painted with a broad brush.....which is kind of my point in being here, I think--to learn that you're not all alike, among other things.

Someone pointed out that I have no idea who I'm talking to, here--some of you are even nonverbal in person, so there is no way to generalize about all of you.

You have my sincerest apologies.

No worries, I just wish I could have put that into words sooner, and saved us all some hassle.

It's ironic, because I'm probably one of those AS guys who DO have all the unpleasant characteristics and behaviours you rail against...

Maybe there should be a new saying: "If you've met one NT, you've met one NT."

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.