Looking for some kindred souls

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You ever had those times when you need people who can understand you? A few guys or girls (more likely girls, sexist but true for me) who get what it is you mean, who you can just feel at ease with?

Obviously, we're all here.

Life's definately a downhill spiral atm. Tbqh, it's hard finding anything that's worthwhile whatsoever. Up until November, I was pretty much stable, not necessarily happy but pretty much content with where I sat, i.e. pretty much completely socially cut off. Had the usual hell in the past, teachers and kids who didn't get it, couldn't intergrate with NTs, pretty much the usual drill. But after this relationship went downhill pretty quickly, that pretty much shattered. The break-up hurt like hell, but really it was just the catalyst. What hurt was that bubble popping. I'd found what I felt (and feel) I wanted in life, and just in general wanted to be a part of the world. I wanted more than rock bottom. Basically, I stopped being innured to life.

Now, end of the line, life's a total hell. All those cynical principles that I applied to humanity at large suddendly start applying to an awful lot of people who I liked to think of as exceptions. I find a totally non-romantic relationship that felt almost like twin souls, and now for a number of reasons, everything of that's been completely crushed. If I cared less, I would have stopped caring a long time ago; as it is, I'm torn between the memory of this bond and my own caring instincts and a genuine desire to cause as much physical pain as possible, to the person who I'd once give up everything at the drop of a hat to prevent that. The fact I haven't touched her should say a lot about me, and she seems to have forgotten all of that. Argh, it could go on forever. Trying to sum it up is almost impossible, because every time I remember other reasons and let others slip, but I think I've got it worked out.

Funny how things turn about like that.

Between that and a lot of attempts to find someone that I can have a meaningful conversation with (a lot of bad ideas, in hindsight) and the armageddon for a love life, I'm coming to the end of my tether here. I do what I can where I can, but really nothing's ever enough. The world's just a constant agony just to inhabit (big suprise), without anyone else coming into that, and the all the chances for anything to change for the better are all years or decades away, when I finally get out of this school, with some people who I'll hopefully be better socially with on the basic that they'll have matured by then, and maybe find something worthwhile to actually take up the minutes on the watch. And I get such bad moodswings that it's sometimes impossible to actually deal with it.

The one worst thing is that when I'm at absolute bursting point, I'll explode about it, and then I'll instantly feel better. But then I'm so much better that people assume I'm talking bull, and then it just gets even worse the next time, plus it makes it that much harder to adress the problem. I've been feeling borderline suicidal for a good while now, but suicide isn't really something that I want help with. What I just want help with is life, just being able to discuss and actually have something to think about that isn't a total piece of crap and lasts longer than a punchline. Look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves.

Hello. I've been there. I know you don't want to hear it, but It does get better after school. If nothing else you can always talk to us here (girls and guys) Most of us have had trouble in relationships and/or difficulty in school, and I find that just gaining a different perspective when I am feeling down helps alot more then I would like to admit. If your looking for new topics of conversation, checkout the message board, read a few articles or hop on the chat. I hope that helps. we really do care here, we just don't always know how to show it.
(oh, and if you ever need a one on one person to talk to, PM me. I managed to make it through life alright, maybe I can help)

I've been feeling the same way, lately.

No, hearing does help. I pretty much know that once I've moved on out of school, the odds are that life's gonna be a hell of a lot better for me. And yeah, I've hung around the site a bit before I could actually post (hotmail and junk mail, says it all), and I love it. Thing is, from my perspective here and now, I see a year as 356 days, 8000 hours, 500,000 minutes, give or take. And that doesn't even scratch on it. Thankfully it's the school break right now, and when the entire family isn't at breaking point it can be quite relaxing. Hopefully this summer holiday will be better than the last, considering what my incidentally-NT sister managed to do to my parent's relationship. In all honesty, it should give me something to live for - I'm missing two of my oldest friends from Ireland in the hoildays, they're both Aspies and ex-home eds like me to boot! But it seems more like a general fact than anything else that it's coming.

And lol, I know what you mean about not knowing how to show it. I ended up councilling all these people cause they know me as the nice guy/sucker who'll take all their crap when their friends have got tired of hearing it. Never expected the slightest thing out of it, just did it for the satisfaction of helping and the inability to leave anyone upset. Helped me deal with some of my troubles too. Then, when things get rough, they choose that moment to go. Most of those people I'm not that bothered about. A couple of them, well yeah. What do you expect from the common masses? I've met a couple of the truly caring people, and so far all of them have ended up moving away. Go figure.

Yup, that's happened to me too. Helping others on this site, however, is a different story.

I agree with kiwigoddess. Many people stay in the "high school mentality" (I assume you're referring to high school--correct me if I'm wrong and you mean college), but it's easier to get away from, for the most part, after graduation.

I sympathize with you about the break-up, and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do about her. Just don't let it, or the other crap that's been dumped on you, weigh you down.

Please feel free to keep posting here. Check out all of the forums--you will find many topics ripe for "meaningful conversation" (and opportunities to start your own).

Take care. Don't know if this helped, but just know that I do feel for you. We've all been there, and many more will be after us, sadly.

(Btw, cool signature. )

I think we all want to find at least 1-2 people we can connect with and have mutual feelings towards each other.