need to know that im not the only one going through this

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every few days or at least once a day sometimes for several hours i think about killing myself. my triggers are so tiny its amazing. i know we all show intense focus on certain subjects and my focus was on military history and technology so people i went to school with think im a psychopath and im pretty sure the new friends ive made in the last three years since highschool feel the same way.

i dont know why i keep going on because i dont feel like i should. i used to do drugs to deal with my depression and now i drink to suppress the really bad thoughts. i honestly think killing myself or just dissapearing would be less of a burden on my family.

i really dont know what to do. can anyone help me or give me advice to get through this?

Since you care what they think, you by definition not a psychopath. I am very sorry to hear that You feel that way, and hope that You will be alright. Have you considered seeking a counciller or psyciatrist?

I hope You will be o.k.

no! please dont do that, it is horrible, a family member of mine killed himself and it was horrible, it is a very selfish act to put onto your family. Please, life gets better, dont harm yourself. I wish I could help you, please go see a doctor.

I hope you feel better soon.

well I believe I had the same thoughts and feelings that you had, if it gets any worse you may be not be to control your actions anymore which I struggled with, but I needed to take a visit to a mental hospital and it was bad experience but you I learned that there are people suffering in my area and it made me feel better. My new therapist said that getting yourself together and loving life is the goal but friends are optional. meaning a full life doesn't have to have friends in it. Its a good start that you came to the forum to talk it def helps.

OK, from the top.

Every few days or at least once a day sometimes for several hours i think about killing myself. my triggers are so tiny its amazing.
You probably have something called Reactive Depression, I have it and I've managed to control it reasonably well for about thirty years BUT you can't fight this on your own.

I know we all show intense focus on certain subjects and my focus was on military history and technology so people i went to school with think im a psychopath and im pretty sure the new friends ive made in the last three years since high school feel the same way. Your schoolfriends know very little about psychology. It is better to be thought of as a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

I dont know why i keep going on because i dont feel like i should. i used to do drugs to deal with my depression and now i drink to suppress the really bad thoughts. i honestly think killing myself or just dissapearing would be less of a burden on my family. Alcohol consumption is not a good idea here because it enhances your present mood. If you're happy then booze will make you feel happier, if you're depressed then booze will make you feel worse. Killing yourself is not a good way to go.

Get help, please. Either go to your doctor or, if things are really bad, walk into a psychiatric hospital and ask them to straighten you out. Good luck, please keep in touch with us all and let us know how you get on.

Vanilla_Slice

What everyone said makes sense. Please, get some help from a counselor or psychiatrist.

Take care, glad you found this site. Let us know how things go.

Please, don't take your own life.

You are so not alone with the depression. I'm glad you ask for help, that's the right thing to do.

Please DON'T think suicide would be the best answer. I had a friend who killed herself. It was horrible. Her parents were devastated. I don't know how a parent could survive the death of their child. Suicide is a very selfish act.

There are so many people who are fascinated with military history. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. That does not make you a psychopath.

Lately, I have been thinking about a book I want to get about the history of torture techniques and devices to use for something I'm writing. I'm no psychopath either.

Is it possible to see a mental health professional to discuss this with? I keep journals. It helps me quite a lot with depression and negative emotions.

Maybe you can find a military history group or organization where you can be with like minded people and do battle reenactments and what have you.

Please let us know how you are doing.
Taupey