depressed

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i'm sick of everything and everyone.
i keep obsessing over the oil leak that's happening right now because i have fears that they won't be able to stop the leak for the next two months and the oil would get all the way to the ocean. i've always been very sensitive to things that happen to the environment, and anything people do to damage it hurts me inside.
i have some personal issues, as well.
i can't stand the fact that other people look at me and see something different to who i am on the inside. when i try to communicate what i'm feeling inside, people misinterpret me and turn away from me. i thought i've made a good friendship with this one girl i've met through the internet and met her in real life once. i've had her on facebook for a while, and everything was fine, until she blocked me suddenly after she graduated and moved from toronto.
i realize that she might have done it because she doesn't want to have the burden of contacting too many people in toronto, and only wants to keep the important ones. however, i cannot read her mind. unless she explains to me what has happened, i have no way of figuring out what was wrong. and i start blaming it on myself, that i did something wrong. that i came across in the wrong way again.
things like this really hurt me. because even after 10 years, i will remember it as though it has happened yesterday. it really deters my ability to function. i can spend hours obsessing over things like this, instead of doing my homework.
also, after things like this happen, i lose more and more of my feelings for people. i have been an extreme empath as a kid, but after many rejections, i've become much more emotionally rigid.
i simply can't trust people anymore.
i walk down the street and i can feel everything that's happening around me. i see the truth behind everything. i see fakeness, i see selfishness, i see that most people live their life in a state of ignorance. they're so consumed in their own comfort, their own social circle, their lack of ability to think deeper into things.
and it breaks my heart. how can anyone be happy in a society full of lies, deceit, discrimination, and disconcern for the environment?

I am depressed as well. When people start to look for deep meanings in things, they tend to malfunction. It's better to just keep functioning without worrying about the big picture. In my opinion, we need to fix people before the environment. If you can go to a psychologist, it might make you a little happier and able to function in the future.

Looking for truth is overrated, because it's just so hard to find, and when you realize that you don't know it, living becomes meaningless, as do suffering and death. And then, what is accomplished? Go back to being blind, before it's too late.

The pervasive selfishness you see in everything is called life, and it is good. Live.

More practically....try to make people happier, when you can.

I hear you, the oil spill is a horrible thing and I don't know whether they'll be able to plug it up before it destroys great chunks of marine life, but that's corporations for you. I do know that whatever mankind, in its infinite disregard for the natural world, throws at this planet, at our mother nature, that she'll always bounce back. I strongly believe that this planet will be thriving long, long after mankind is dead and gone - I mean, she's been hit by meteors, iceages and god only knows what else. I don't think a little stupidity and greed is going to finish her off.

Your social concern is a little harder for me to work my way around, it's never happened to me so I can't really give my thoughts from an experiential point of view. I have been in her shoes before though I'm ashamed to admit, I cut contact from quite a few people I considered friends because I felt the chapter of my life they had been involved in was over, geographically and philosophically. I do regret that decision. She may eventually too.

People build realities on top of realities, the little worlds you mentioned are for these people their entire life. They're just as valid as your reality, or anyone's reality. It's not ignorance - they simply don't view other paths with much value, or dare I say, understanding. Maybe if they really understood the paths that lie right in front of their faces they'd think differently instead of swallowing the reality society offers them. However this is a bystanders point of view, I'm no mind reader but from where I am this explanation seems adequate.

Chew through that or don't, I just hope it made sense, better if it helps, I've often been accused of not making much sense or rambling on.

Gotta say, this sounds like avoidant personality disorder.

And btw us depressed people lie to ourselves all the time, by definition. It's called "cognitive dissonance" or something.

I know you hate yourself. I don't hate you at all.

I often see my body as a foreign object that has nothing to do with me. The same for my family, school, country, etc. that most people establish their identity with. I'm not sure what it means, really. In itself, I don't mind it, because I feel more objective.

A lot of the rejection we perceive is probably much less intentional than it seems. In my case, I will probably eventually forget about you, simply because I'm human. I also might become afraid that what I'm saying is going to hurt you, and withdraw. It isn't because of who you are or my opinion of you. We expect criticism so much that we reject honest compliments. From what I see, one of the biggest improvements you could make is simply to accept yourself. In my opinion, the best advice is usually what you least want to hear. I imagine you want scathing criticism of everything you do. You do that to yourself more than enough.

What makes you think there's a problem beyond AS?

My mother worries about everything all the time, to the extent that it is annoying. Don't forget to worry about worrying xD