Thinking perfectly NICE people want to kill you...

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Hello.

I have a subject that I couldn't find elsewhere.

I have crazy delusions, they are very social phobic delusions.

Most of the time, I really think these really cool peoople wish to kill me...

They are very nice...

I keep thinking my GF is planning on killing me, but that's insane... she would never do that...

She would never hurt me.

I kept thinking my Mom is gonna poison me and do unspeakable things to me.

I kept thinking all the neighbors were watching me.

I could hear voices, very subtle and quick though, they would only say something really quick..

Usually they just taunt me and threaten me, they are rarely nice.

A lot of times these voices reply directly to what I'm thinking.

I keep thinking people are watching my thoughts somehow.

But, the voices are nothing compared to the delusions.

I kept thinking very far fetched things, and believing them, cuz they were always thrown in my

face... but I always resisted, I never let these delusions control my actions.

I believe most of this is due to going off (tapered off slowly) of some meds I was taking a while

back... one being an anti-psychotic... before I had gone on this, I had similar delusions...

I was on the pills, and the delusons were gone.

I just started taking these anti-psychotics again 2 days ago, they seem to be working...

The pills drain me a lot... it's much better than thinking everyone you love wants to kill you in

the most horrible way possible.

It seems I have a schizotypal personality.

It was an excellent and mature decision to begin retaking meds that while "downing" you, worked.

Consulting with the person who prescribed the meds in question MAY help them to change your prescription and find something that helps while not draining you, sadly medication for neurological issues can be slightly hit and miss ive known people who have had to try different ones till they found one that worked for them without side effects, consult, always consult in this kind of situation.

You did a good thing and i hope things get better for you.

Thanks, you're very kind

Yes, I have been thinking of trying a different med... not sure what.

I'm on Zyprexa right now.

I tend to get the rare side effects of most meds, my family as well.

Have to be very careful...

My Mom was on a med once that made her seem like she was possessed by a very evil demon.

I'm gonna have to really, really question my psychiatrist about what med he's putting me on...

They are usually way too vague, they don't tell you what can happen taking these pills.

They might tell you some of the common side effects...

But they leave out the important ones...

The rare ones I get most.

Most meds are just not meant for a brain like mine...

I was thinking maybe Xanax... but that knocks you out I believe, not sure tho, never tried it.

Some say Klonopin works... I was on that a while back, but it seemed to stop working after a short time.

I've taken Zyprexa and didn't like it at all - sapped my willpower and creativity and motivation (all the best bits of my personality) and left me just stuffing myself with food or sleeping all the time. Xanax is a different class of drugs (anxiolytics), which will probably not help at all with delutions and hallucinations, but just zonk you out - they can be useful to calm people down temporarily who are severely psychotic, as they have very few side effects, but won't be useful in the long term (and are also addictive longterm).

Different people respond differently to different drugs, but two suggestions:

- the antipsychotic which worked best for me was Abilify - unfortunately it is quite expensive, so if you are paying it probably isn't affordable. Side effects are reduced compared to other antipsychotics because instead of just reducing levels of dopamine (making you drained and unmotivated) it is supposed to stabilise them - so not too high or too low, although I did find that over time side effects built up.

- the other thing you might be able to try, although discuss with a doctor, is taking a lower dose. If you are autistic you may be particularly sensitive to medicines in general, and might find that 25-50% of a standard dose actually works as well on you as a full dose would do on most people, but reduces side effects.

I am lucky in that psychotic episodes are quite shortlived and not particularly severe (I don't have hallucinations or severe paranoia, but obsessive abnormal thoughts and mild paranoia), so for me a course of 4-5 months of an antipsychotic is enough (as much as I can tolerate anyway, even with the Abilify). I think ideally psychological therapies should also be used - I have never had these, but although they don't get symptoms to go away, they can help people to cope with them better - i.e. realising that the voices you hear are your own thoughts, representing your own negative ideas about yourself.

I hope that you can find a pill that helps.

I'm currently on an anti psychotic (as well as some other things) and it's GREAT not hearing/seeing things that aren't there, and obsessing about how people are plotting against you, tapping your phone, etc etc.

It does however tire me out. I hadn't realised how much until I saw my Dad a couple of days ago. He immediately clocked that there was something different about me, and actually today asked me what meds I was on. So I finally told him about the diagnoses of bipolar... and guess what... he was cool about it! He wasn't cool about me being auty (Hid it from me for years) but bipolar he can understand.

So, I stressed myself out for nothing. Whew.

The side effects are a little alarming though. I keep finding that I'm too tired to climb the stairs, and today I thought the back door was locked... it wasn't. I just was too feeble to open it.

I'm not that weak all day, just when I first take it. I take one in the morning, one at night. And like I say, it's so nice not feeling like the whole world is out to get me.

I think you made the right decision, I hope I'll have the sense to follow your example.

Like the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE)) you mean?

I hope you can find a drug that works without giving you those unfortunate side effects.

I feel like that to, alot.
Last weekend at a party (I was very drunk) I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and asked my boyfriend, straight out, if his plan was to make me love him and come close to him, and than kill me.
I'm very happy that he knows about all of my "strange" sides, so he did'nt get that upset. But it's very heavy and stressfull to walk around with these thoughts from time to time.

Well, I've been on Zyprexa for a little while now, must have been about a week or 2, I dunno. I'm bad at guessing with time.

So far the side effects are about the same, feeling drowsy and unmotivated and a bit depressed, but...

It's much better than getting delusions that my GF wants me to make me love her so she can close to me so she can kill me in the worst fashion possible.

I used to think this constantly, all day, when I go to sleep, when I wake up, over really trivial details that I was tricked by my brain into thinking she was plotting against me.

I still get voices though.

But at least the voices are much easier to manage, it's easier to see they are simply a part of my overactive imagination, but they can still get annoying at times.

The voices are still pretty mean though, mocking me, calling me names, judging me falsely, saying I'm lying when I am telling the truth, etc.

The delusions are still there as well, but much weaker, much more manageable and easy to push aside.

I'm taking 10mg right now, and it works at least for the most part.

I've been on Abilify before, caused some huge stomach aches, but I don't know what effect it had on my mind though, all I noticed was the constant stomach pain.

I'm not sure what drug is gonna work best for me, I frickin' hate taking new pills...

I was on many pills, over 10 different ones, and they didn't do much more than do something wrong most of the time.

Eh, I really don't feel like going off of this Zyprexa though, it seems to work at least, and the side effects are really nothing too bad, it's kid stuff really, compared to other drugs and

what it's like being off of everything and going insane with delusions.

It makes me more hungry and sleepy.

I have a bad appetite anyway, so that helps with that, and I have problems with insomnia anyway, so that helps that.

The only thing that grinds my gears is the lack of motivation I'm starting to feel a little.

Although, at times I still think my GF and my friends are plotting to kill me...... in fact it's most of the time...... but still so much less than before.

Well, I'm glad things seem to be improving somewhat though. I was awake last night, but exhausted, running obsessive thoughts through my head... but I was able, with effort, to stop it. Before I was on the meds nothing would have stopped me anguishing myself all night about all the bad things that were going to happen. As you say, at least you can push it away. I think in my case the slight recurrence came about because I'm worried about money at the moment. Worry seems to be a trigger that sets me off. So I know if I pull my finger out at least I can reduce tension, which will reduce the obsessive thoughts. It helps to feel more in control again.

I get that all the time. I have seen what the people of our disgusting world are capable of. I have seen it with my own eyes - up close and personal.

According to evolution, primates (that includes humans) are descended from small aboreal creatures that resembled rats like Eomaia and Purgatorius. In a sense, humans are like big rats.

I agree, humans truly are disgusting, the most hideous animal on this planet, capable of far too much, negative energy overshadows much of this world.

I still get these voices I hear in the distance, they are quiet though, and commenting on my thoughts, responding to my thoughts, laughing at me, threaten me, etc.

A lot of what they say can be hard to process, I only hear one or two words from them and the rest is hard to catch.

Probably need more meds

The delusions are often triggered by certain stress events that I feel leaves me open to too much pain.

Loving someone leaves you open to a lot of pain.

But yeah, some of these things make no sense at all, thinking I could be a ritual sacrifice, thinking I will actually be tortured, humiliated, and killed.

The delusions are doing much better at least, most of the time... still I get delusions a little.

I feel unmotivated and lame now though, on these pills, I don't feel much but blankness. :/

Guess it's better than being scared to death.