I've been there. In fact, it's the few years of my life that I wish I could just forget about. While I was in college, I dealt with people 7 hours a day in classes and then I would have to go home to a "student house" where it was a struggle to find my solace. High levels of anxiety and unpredictable panic attacks were the result.
I quit taking meds when I was in my teens, so I had to endure the panic attacks and breakdowns sober. It got so bad at times that I would rather die than live through the moments of torture. After about a year of this, I reached a point where something had to happen because I felt like I couldn't survive any more.
I don't know where the change came from, but I became so disgusted at myself and my situation that I drew up some primal emotions from deep down inside. For the first time in my life, I harnessed aggression that I could use when I felt anxiety shutting me down and a panic attack on its heels - I was simply tired of being a victim... do or die.
Whenever anxiety tried to pull an full offensive, I would have to try and step away from my narrowed vision and use my anger and reckless determination to "shove the genie back in the bottle". My heart still thumped like a hammer and I would still feel the cold sweats, but I was able to capture my senses and steer the panic. Some people might think that using anger as part of a solution is to be irrational; however, it was that emotion that picked up my crippled capability and gave it legs.
Best of luck.
27 Jun 2010, 8:16 pm
