I don't know if I have the will to keep trying?

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First I want to start this off by say "I Am Not Suicidal", I want to make that very clear, now to the point; I'm a 16 yr old with Severe Anxiety/Depression and AS, and I have another 1 maybe 2 yrs left in high school, but I don't know if I can do it, I'm so tired, I'm lonley even though I have many people around me, I'm sad when my life is really great and I have alot of cool stuff a 1,500 dollar i7 Core processor computer ( for those who know computers), and iPhone and a ton of other items, but they bring me no happiness, because Theyre just items, I know right now I would break my moms heart if I quit, and I would disapoint my dad and make him angry at me also, and I don't know how it would look like to my little sister, and I know alot of people are going to say " suck it up ", but I'm not that type of person I truley am weak at heart right now, my therapist said he has nothing left to give me, and my med doctor is running out of med I can take we spent about 30 minute last meeting just trying to find a med that I had not tried, it a really crapy time in my life who knows I may get through it everyone says it will be better when I'm 18 or 20, but I beleive that just false hope.

I don't know what awnser I'm looking for from this, I just don't know if I can keep this up, I feel like a freak, I don't even know my own feelings. I guess I just want to have others opinions, so please reply.

How good are your acedemics?

In my case, I wish I would have taken the GED at 16 and started at the community college 2 years earlier instead of dealing with the high school nonsense.

I feel that I'm at the end of my rope, right now. I seem to be going through a depressive episode, right now. I think it's because of the memories of the bad things that happened to me, on Canada Day, last year. We also don't seem to be getting very much sunshine. I'm sick of the one sunny day - 2 rainy days pattern that my area seems to be dealing with. I'm just getting a hold on my budget, again after months of buying energy drinks, almost every day, after work. The people at my clubhouse are very insensitive at times, towards me and towards each other. I'm going to have to cut down my days there, and only go once or twice a week. My mum is also going in to the surgery ward, to get angioplasty done, to her legs, and the main valve of her heart. (Wow! I've spelled that right! ) I've also forgiven Ray Davies for what he did to Mick Avory, in 1984. I feel really bad about holding that grudge, and as far as favourite Kinks are concerned, Ray is now a very close second, by a hair. The way that it was, back in 1996, for me, as a fan. My ex-friend, Teresa turning against me, and pushing me away, permanently didn't help, very much. I've been dealing with a lot of mixed emotions, over the past month.

Nomad,

I can honestly say I've been where you are and have been doing all I could to straighten things out, make it work, etc. What that got me: unemployed, regretting past choices, alone, and without direction . . . this was before I found out I had AS. Now, I'm in the same spot, but i at least know why . . . but the problem is, I had already given up on much prior to finding out. What i did was shut the world out, and focused on my academics and what games held my attention (didnt care what it was, just wanted to appear as boring to everyone else so they'd leave me alone . . . worked for the most part). With respect to my parents, I'm still in the same boat . . . too often I feel that they view me as the family failure (since there always seems to be one on both sides for each generation). Even then, I've no idea how to discuss this with them without the emotional pain that i seem to get when a touchy subject is brought up. Perhaps write a letter to your parents, stating your difficulties (course finding the courage to give it to them is a boundary unto itself as well). Ultimately, it's all up to you . . . we can give you ideas, but we can't guarantee that they will work (life is pretty funny about that).

Nomad,

I would echo Biologist's idea about starting community college--just make sure the real college you want to go to will take you with just a G.E.D., and not a high school diploma.

(My aspie left high school at 17 to go to community college for the exact same situation that you are describing, and he's been a teacher for almost 17 years.)

Thanks for the reply, me and my mom are going to discuss GED, she dosent seem against it so there's a good chance on it, and my GPA has always been higher the 3.6 out of 4, I'm very intellegent as my mom says.

I am in the same situation that your in...I'm just one yr older than you(17)
MY parents had me quit school, my depression was so severe that I was hallucinating(and still am,not for shure if its really depression,though...or what exactly)
But, I had to be hopitalized 4 times, in lock down, phychiatric units(for one and a half weeks at the most...) B/c unlike you, I wanted to die...I was miserable & still am, of some sorts.
So I began to cut myself, scratched my self raw(b/c of social anxiety) NEVER DO THIS!! !! !! !
I was also diagnosed with AS. And also with ADHD & OCD...
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster right now and I am questioning, my faith(god) why he is putting me through this.
Along goes with this in scripture, but what it basically means is that, for those who don't help themselves, god won't either... BUt he will never leave you stranded and alone.
Although I love god, and I AM helping myself, or doing the very best i possibly can b/c of the state I am in....
God does'nt seem like he's there, but I know he has'nt abandoned me.
I just feel so ALONE, my solitude is killing me.
And although, the silence keeps me safe(b/c there's no ridicule for who I am)
I just want to fit in.... I want to be an NT, the norm..But I know I would'nt be tasha, I wouldn't be me....soo it wouldn't of worked out for me, if I was an NT....
I mean I did'nt ask to be born like this,for who I am, I did'nt choose this for myself.....
But I guess all I'm trying to say is: NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! B/c theres always the "greener" side of life.
Like the old saying goes
" Grass is greener on the other side"
You just have to get there first...
And I know you can do it!
Just forget about all those Jerk's who are ridiculing you and so forth, that does no matter.

If you ever need to talk just send me a PM.
I'll try my best,to help you.

I'm glad that things are going in the right direction, for you.

Yeah the whole GED thing is gone im stuck in school till the end ( lucky me ), yeah i was hospitalized because the doctor said it would be a good enviorment for me, someone with Social phobia, to be trapped in a building full of people ( because that make sense ), it was a nightmare for me at one point i started to begg the doctor to get me out he just smiled and thats it, yeah we switched doctors after that. I honestly dont know what im doing, i feel like crap all the time, i see no green grass on the other side just ragged weeds, just as before.

Yes, my parents don't want me to go for the GED, and I'm a little weary of wethere it will hinder my college application.

i am also, joyous, that you are doing,better.!
:D