what's keeping you alive?

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for me, it's my parents, bf and my puppy...
coz i don't want to see them cry.

Self respect is what's keeping me alive.
Before I found out I had AS I thought I was worthless because I didn't have many friends and it was always hard keeping a job, and gaining respect from my family.
Now that I know I have AS I can also acknowledge that I can use different parts of my brain in ways NTs can't. I have Dyslexia on top of AS and my doctor told me it's why I can see pictures so vividly in my head. I love to draw and I draw my own comics. My AS has made me very passionate about the things I love to do and are good at. Even if I'm not good at normal things people can do like spell correctly and socialize I know that I'm good at the things I'm really passionate about and that's all I need to keep me alive. I no longer seek acknowledgement from other human beings.

and my stupid dentistry degree, i work so ****ing hard to get it.
I almost failed year 11, then I study like crazy in yr12 and got in. everyone thought it was miracle. i guess miracle comes from effort.
I'm half way through my degree now, but sometimes, when I got really depressed, like now, i really don't give a ****.

self-respect
my loving girlfriend
my few close friends
family
& that little spark of hope which stubbornly refuses to die

i can understand that.
but i ****ing want to end my life now
but the hope refuses to die..................just die stupid hope...............

Awwwhz !
Don't give up hope Melbi *hugs*

((((((((melbi))))))))

dont give up. I think you will do plenty of fun things soon, you are just going through a bad patch...

im no one
i wish i was never born

that's not true, you're someone, and while you might be feeling particularly bad right now, it will pass.
Just try to calm down, go do something relaxing, productive.
and whatever you do, do NOT swallow that goddamnn pill bottle

it's not pill bottle, it'sill box...
i don't know what else to do
i have my last exam tomorrow, and i havent study a single page

no one ever believe me when i said i want to died.
no one believe im seriously depressed

maybe when im gone they'll know i was really suffering...

maybe i shouldnt pretend to be strong
and yet being called coward by others.

i want a sleep
a forever sleep
so i'll never feel pain
and will never be denied.

maybe i should just be a coward and be a weak-arse for once in my life.

and maybe you should keep trying because it definitely won't get better if you quit now.
i've felt that way myself at times, but i held on.
Now i'm in a much better situation. And you know why? it's because i didn't give up.
It doesn't take a strong person to do that, just a stubborn one .
besides, what about your family? what about the boyfriend who you said loves you?
what'll it do to them?

you don't have to pretend to be strong, it's okay to be weak sometimes.
you don't have to feel so pressured, it's okay.

just do as best you can on the exam, and hope for the best.
if you make it, awesome .
if you don't, it's not the end of the world. you still have plenty of life ahead of you to try to make things up.
But you'll never know if you don't try, alright ?

Boy, I know how that goes

The world needs you Melbi. You bring light to many people, you certainly helped me out of my deep dark pit

I took 3 sleeping pill
and
very nice

My mum step dad, brother sister nanna, bf, i dont like when i am in a buble and that a lot of the time, Dp a lot of the time I love an dog or cat......

My extended family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins) who luckily think very highly of me and my mission to prove to my parents that I'm not the failure they think I am.

I hope you wake up ok in the morning Melbi