Do you ever feel like life is passing you by?

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I feel like that right now. I'm 21 years old and have not achieved anything. I'm way behind where I thought I would be. I figured for sure that by this point I would be a college graduate, living on my own, employed at a high-paying job, and socially successful. Instead I'm struggling in a community college where I have yet to attain even an associate's degree, I work at the local supermarket for $8.20 an hour, I have no car or driver's license, all the "friends" I ever had are gone, and I still live with my parents. I think I will be 30 by the time I move out. Now my mom's saying she wants me to pay for more stuff, like my driving lessons, even though I can't afford to. She says I'm 21 so I should be more independent, but she doesn't realize that I'm further behind than other 21-year-olds, and that right now I'm just trying to get to the point that most of my peers were at five years ago. I feel depressed, and I don't know what to do. If I could trade selves with any of the people around me, I would. I'm beginning to think even ret*d people have it better than I do, because at least they have job security and benefits. I have nothing worth living for, nothing to be proud of.

Life is passing you by, not because you've not achieved anything of importance - but because you're choosing not to enjoy the life you've got.

If you've got friends in your life - even one or two - enjoy them. That's what will give your life meaning in the long run. Thirty years from now, it will be those enjoyable moments that you'll treasure, much more than a sexy car or a flashy job you once had.

You should be thrilled right now just to have a job. I understand not wanting to work at that particular job forever, and you will be a lot happier once you manage to get out on your own, even if it's a shoestring existence from month to month. We're not all destined for greatness, or even for high-paying jobs - being smart alone won't help you achieve that - you have to have strong social skills to function well in the hierarchy of the corporate workplace. 'Nice work if you can get it' as the song says, but the stress level for folks who tend to suffer naturally from overwhelming social anxiety is murder. If you don't have a knack and a love for kissing ass, you probably wouldn't be happy in an environment like that anyway.

I don't know what to tell you about school, I know there are Aspergians here at WP who managed to get through college, but my weaknesses in math would have prevented that even if I hadn't gotten sidetracked by a career. I do think its important that you find a way to turn an obsessive personal interest into a living. It may not mean you work at one company until you retire, but it will make it easier to stay employed if there's something you're invested in enough to develop plenty of knowledge and skill in a specific profession.

Don't compare yourself to others or what you expected to achieve in the past. Those are the best ways to depress yourself.

You're not a failure because you don't have the same life as your friends or what you dreamed of. I can guarantee you that nobody's life is as wonderful as it looks from the outside, and those that are doing better than you may have had more luck or a better head start in the first place. Good for them, but that's nothing to do with you. You are going to succeed yourself, even if it takes you a bit longer.

You have a job, that's great. Maybe you should contribute more to your mum- that would be an achievement in both your eyes and that = you feeling better about yourself.

You are in college already, so now all you need to do is get through. Have you got the course material? Do you know the dates? Set aside an hour or so each night and study your ass off. That will be an achievement too.

If you are feeling depressed (and it sounds like you are), go for a walk and download some tunes that make you feel good. They won't solve all your problems but they may buoy you up to a state where you can solve them yourself.

Don't go down the eternal victim route of 'oh I'm depressed, life's not fair'. It may be true on both counts, but nothing's going to change by itself. Your attitude towards life, however, can. I don't mean to sound like an irritating pep-coach, but you really do need to grab it and make the best with what you have right now.


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Trust me, you're in a much better situation than I was in at your age. You have 2 big advantages over me back then:

1 - You know you have an ASD. I just knew something was wrong, but I was very confused and depressed.

2 - You seem reasonably mature; YEARS ahead of me emotionally at the same age (though I've improved dramatically in recent years).

I think you should do 3 things:

1 - Work out what you want to do with your life, and plot a route map to get there, with short-term, medium-term and long-term goals.

2 - After you've worked out these goals, have a heart-to-heart discussion with your mother. Tell her what your goals are, but ask her to give you a reasonable amount of time to achive them, in light of your ASD.

3 - Stop wishing you were someone else. You have a unique talent that no-one else in the world has. It's a matter of working out what that is, and applying it to fulfill your destiny. And you're still very young, so relax.

Here's a story that may provide you with some inspiration:

In the early 1990s Italy had the best young soccer players in the world, and they won loads of junior tournaments; for players under 21. Some of these young players were already superstars, and millionaires, when they were your age now. Everybody thought they were destined for greatness. Well, some made it, but some didn't. One teenage phenomenon who didn't, for example, was Domenico Morfeo:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domenico_Morfeo

In contrast, Marco Materazzi is the same age as the youngsters who won all these junior tournaments, but, whilst they were making their mark early, he was still an amateur, playing in the Italian minor leagues, and doing a low-paid blue collar job. In fact, he didn't really break through at the highest level until he was in his late twenties. Yet, when he was nearly 33, he scored Italy's only goal in the World Cup Final; helping his country to victory, and winning the most coveted prize any footballer can possess: a World Cup winner's medal. And where was Domenico Morfeo, and many of the other young starlets, when Materazzi scored that historic goal? Nowhere, basically; their early promise had faded, and they'd drifted into obscurity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marco_Materazzi

Hope this helps.

Yes, I do sometimes feel like life is passing me by. My concept of time is a bit different from others and many things do not come naturally to me. It seems to me that other have a tendency to naturally slip into stages in their life without much though, as if they were on a ride on a track at an amusement park, and I am without this ability. I'm the person who got out of the ride...or never on it, and wanders around the attraction, not really experiencing it as it was intended, and looking in all the places it was never intended anyone pay much attention to, like the exit signs, the mechanisms used for the props, the fact that no one has dusted wherever recently. I mean this all semi-metaphorically of course (at Disneyland less metaphorically!).

It took me a while to get through community college as well. My only regret is I spent too much time focusing on getting through my classes and not enough time participating in social/extra curricular activities, even if it was just making an attempt to be more social with my classmates. I realize that this would have taken me outside of my social comfort zone and I really wouldn't have enjoyed some of the social situations. But my grandmother always told me to have fun while I can, and I've learned in life that she was correct. Looking back, I have more things I regret not doing than doing.

Had I done them, even if I didn't particularly enjoy it at the time, at least I could look back and not regret not doing it.

Of course stay away from drugs and alcohol and all of the self destructive stuff.

All the time but it comes and goes. It would not be very positive for me to say, that at 36 years old, the feeling of time passing by has sped up.

Take care and try and not pay attention to it. There will be plenty of time in stressing about......time.

Mics

Oh, yes. I'm 27 and the only meaningful thing I think I've achieved is getting my Masters degree. I'm still in a job far below what I think I'm capable of, have few friends really, and no significant other. Life most definitely is passing me by.

Often.

From the time I wake up to the time I eventually go to bed.

I feel like while everyone else I know is light-years ahead of me, making something out of themselves, I'm still stuck at home, no driver's license, no job, folks that act as if I was still 12 years old, no light at the end of the tunnel, nothing.

life just passed me on by like i was stuck settin' up on jacks, and my engine roared and coughed asthmatically and just belched black smoke but i still got no place. so i just bumble along the side of the road and watch the world continue to whoosh right on by me. i grab a bumper and try to run along behind but never am able to keep it up for more than a few steps, falling flat on my face each time. but now i have a very vivid inner life that is my consolation.