i feel like a failure

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I feel like I can't do anything right. I quit a really good job to take one that was more money, but then they gave me all these hours I didn't want (I know I'm dumb right) and so I just walked out on that job. Now i've been job-less for almost 2 whole months and it's been torture. I haven't been able to really do anything with my girlfriend except go visit her (but nothing fun like go to the movies or anything).

Earlier today we almost got in a fight because I spoke without thinking (a problem that I have). I said something that she thought sounded rude, and then i realized that it did sound rude, but I didn't even mean for it to sound rude. I hate this stupid Aspergers because I can never do anything right.

I'm 21 and I been a freshman in college for 3 years. I started off at Michigan Technolgical University right out of high school. I signed up for classes, and then stopped going halfway through the fall semester. I was placed on academic probation, and then in the winter semester I had done the exact same thing. I left that year with a 0.38 GPA. I came home, found a good job where my brother worked. I like the job, it was simple (either check the books for errors, or pack them in boxes) and I made good money, $281 a week. Then I got laid off, and so I decided to go back to school that winter. My very first semester back home at a local community college and I fell into the same pattern. I took 4 classes, passed only 2 of them. The next semester I had taken 4 classes again, but this time I only passed 2 of them (in fact the 2 that I had failed were the same 2 from the previous semester). I had failed them because they were online courses and at the time, I had no internet. But I couldn't drop them as I was on academic probation. Then this past semester I took 4 courses, and I didn't pass any of them.

I really want to succeed in college, I want to get a good job and make good money. I guess the benefits are hard for me to see though.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm not good enough and I don't deserve my life, or that I don't deserve my girlfriend because she has way more problems than me and I complain about these tiny little things. But she's so amazing to me. She actually makes me feel like I am cared about, which no one else in my entire life has ever done.

Well you have a girlfriend and she sounds like a very nice person, and I can tell you that's more than a lot of people have (me included). All I can tell you is keep on trying and hopefully learn from your mistakes. Sometimes you just have to knuckle down. You seem motivated so that's a major thing in your advantage. As far as your courses go, try to find out where you can improve and then try to implement those things.

Yes, I have noticed it's a compensation type thing or sort of. lol Because I really liked that first job, it was 40 hours a week but I made good money at the time. As for college, I know that I'll get a better job with a degree, but because there's not that direct relation (ie. I work = I get paid the next week) I just have to remember that after the 4 years I'll have a good job.

The other reason is if I skipped a class, my social anxieties would kick in the next time I tried to go to class, because I knew that people would wonder why I wasn't in class last time...

Having been to college and back (and graduated, I might add), nobody will care if you miss one day of class. It's when you skip 2 weeks in a row that people start to get concerned.

I also have a couple of tips for surviving the college drudgery:

At the very least, make sure your professors know about your AS. If they know what you're dealing with, most will be willing to help you in whatever capacity they can. Most universities have a Disabilities Services department that can offer a wide variety of assistance. Quiet rooms for test taking, Help with lecture notes, additional time on exams, I've heard of a lot of accommodations for people of all walks of life. Check with your college to see what they can offer. The one that I attended was built just after the Vietnam War and marketed its Disabilities Services to wounded vets. Mine was an obvious exception to the rule, but since the ADA was enacted in 1988, just about every Uni I know has a similar department.

If your advisor knows about your difficulties/shortcomings, s/he might be able to pull some strings for you too.

If nothing else, you may just need a Kamina in your life. I know I do every now and again... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iViJCC_cJfo

Hope this helps,

"ddrfr33k"