Why do we dwell on the negative?

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For me psychologically it's IMO since I don't have enough positiveness in my life if I had friends to go hang out with or a boyfriend to be around/call etc. I feel my life would be 10x's better. So a negative comment gets tossed at me I feel bad and remember past negative comments so I feel worse. With parent arguments I say ok whatever (blow it off) but I rethink the argument weeks/months/years later that one time X happen. So do you dwell on negative things and if so why? I was reading a post on the College board and someone mention Aspies tend to do this and they stack negative things and as they call it they "piggyback" them.

I have a similar problem, however my sisters misunderstanding is causing depression.

I think we get stuck on negative thoughts and feelings until we learn how to overcome them. The pain is (I suspect) what's supposed to drive you into make changes that bring you into less contact with unpleasantness and more contact with pleasure. But making changes seems to be painful for humans too, there tends to be resistance.

Looking through it in a Anthropologists point of view, we resent change because we rely on the familiar to survive.

It's not just a human trait, many animals have the same thing...

Ha, funny. What I meant to say was that humans are 98% similar to apes so we are not as evolved as we think.

We dwell on the negative because it's what we remember the most... hatefulness, regret, discipline (I shouldn't count this since it does develop us, but the process is still a hassle,) mockery, remorse. That's all an aspie is put through most of its life, which I think is sad...

There's never enough vengeance to fulfill an aspie's thirst.

I dwell on negative thoughts all the time and try so hard not to. I remember having these discussions with people and they use to tell me how weird that was or ask me why I was so negative. I wonder for some of us if it's really a mental illness. Life has only felt like a means to survive for me. I really envy people who are just able to enjoy it without thought or destructive thoughts.

I dwell on them because of my circumstances. I don't give a f**k about anyone trying to say it's because of the way I think. f**k mind over matter, sometimes thought alone doesn't trump circumstances and the only way to make things better is to change the circumstances. But that's the hard part...

I'm a moody person, and I was feeling real down when I wrote that, so I admit I was unreasonably negative. My situation is pretty sh***y right now and indeed the only way out of some situations is to change the circumstances rather than just changing your attitude. However, to overcome these circumstances do require a positive attitude.

What I'm saying is, while simply changing your attitude won't change the burden your circumstances are weighing on you, it does help to have a good attitude towards changing these circumstances that are weighing you down. For example, changing your attitude about being lonely is not gonna eliminate your feelings of loneliness since human beings are social beings, but developing an attitude that allows you to change your circumstances and make good friends is what allows you to triumph.

So there isn't a lot of positive things for me at the moment, but I am definitely trying to develop an attitude that allows me to see my prospects as attainable.

I think I dwell on the negative becauce of some slightly irrational fear that if I don't think long and hard about the negative then il not be able to cope with the negative when its going on if that makes sense.

Zelda,

Like you I have a litany of negative past events that linger in my head and are connected to current ones, even if the connection is weak at best. I have characterized them as social "miscues." Part of my way of dealing with this is to get them out there, to discuss what I felt, what I learned as a result. I'm blogging about it and its very therapeutic.

The negatives drive our minds, especially if we are in the high-functioning end and have strong social awareness but equally strong social awkwardness. We know instantly that we do not gel with people, have trouble interacting with them, but do not have enough insight into developing and maintaining friendships. Since the connection is important, but so hard to establish, we tend to reinforce ourselves. When those connections that we do make disappear, it is that much harder for us to take and to try again.

Keep your chin up. We all have good days and bad days. Give yourself permission to feel bad, to feel sad and to hold on to the negatives. Don't try to do it, but do understand that your brain may be wired that way, and while it is frustrating, the negatives do not make you.

I read somewhere once, "You'd spend a lot less time worrying what people think about you if you realized how rarely they do." Its usually far better than we make it out to be.