Misunderstanding/communication issues RANT

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I've been active on a relationship forum/site for like a year & I've been making lots of post about problems finding relationships & stuff & I've had also been chatting with some members there sometimes. A couple months ago I was in the chat & I tried coming on to a woman who I've been having lots of conversations with in different post by me, by her & other members. She got a little b!tchy with me in the chat about how I'm kind of negative, needy, clingy, pessimistic, depressed, dependent ect. She said she was tired & went to bed. The next day she sent me a message apologizing for being a little harsh & she asked if we could be friends. We've chatted on Yahoo for a couple weeks but we wer only chatting as friends & nothing more. I made a blog about being lonely & wanting to find someone & that woman sent me a message about how I had a chance with her & I blew it. Then she made a blog about how people reject her for stupid rezones. I tried telling her how I did NOT reject her. I thought she had turned me down & I thought we wer only chatting as friends. She knows I have AS because I've made post about it & I had talked about how I'm straightforward & direct & that I do not understand all these little social rules. We quit chatting on Yahoo after that but we still responded to each others post.

A couple days ago I made a blog about how I'm lonley & don't really have anyone to turn to when I have a problem but I have a lot of people coming to me when they have problems. That women sent me a message about how my problem is that I'm judgmental & hatefully towards women & that I write people off without giving em a chance. She also accused me of wanting a woman who I can manipulate & control so I could force her to like me. We exchanged a couple messages & quit chatting. She is NOT the 1st person to accuse me of stuff like that. Lots of people seem to have similar complaints about me. Lots of people keep insisting that my problem is my lack of confidence & my extremely bad attitude. I used to think that my problem was that people have lots of misconceptions about me because of my AS, my psychical disabilities & other mental/emotional problems. I've had happy positive attitudes about things in the past & people still did NOT give me a chance. People keep saying that I'm not giving others a chance & that I'm writing people off but I am NOT aware of writing people off. I give most any woman a chance but women do NOT show an interest me except for coming to me for their problems but when I suggest that me & them date; they always turn me down. I think my negative attitude is because people are constantly misunderstanding every ducking thing I say. I'm sick of everyone saying I have low self-esteem. I do NOT hate myself. I HATE people seeing & treating me as a monster. Maybe I am a horrible person who should do the world a favor by killing myself because I've felt like I was most all my life. The only time I felt like a decent person who was accepted was when I was 20 & in a relationship. Even my family makes me feel like a burden. Maybe I should become a monk or something & spend the rest of my life away from people because the world clearly does NOT want me

UPDATE

She sent me another message & we both sort of apologized. She asked to be my friend on Yahoo again & I agreed but I told her it's NOT going to be anything more than friends. I'm not really mad at her. I'm frustrated cuz stuff like this is NOT uncommon for me. It's extremely CONFUSING I mite start another post about the kind of person I'd like or something but it mite be in the Members section if not here & I'm not sure how soon I'll make it.
If anyone can make sense of this stuff; you are more than welcome to reply here but I'm not sure I'll understand it

Last edited by nick007 on 30 Jul 2010, 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

there are times where the problem is not you just how people react to you. This is true here it seems.
I hope when she asked to be friends that is what she actually means.

I hope things get better for you

I just made an update post & I'm feeling a bit better. I'm not going to kill myself & I don't really think I'm a monster. I used to when I was younger but I HATE feeling alone. I want to find someone who I can have some sense of connecting, belonging, understanding, caring ect but this may be a topic for another post. Thanx tweety