Things that are going on in my life right now

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After a fairly long period of feeling pretty normal I've been screwed up mentally again. I've been having mood swings, angry thoughts, depression, and anxiety. Right now I feel really sad for no apparent reason. About two weeks ago I was on Ambien(which I was taking to help me sleep) and I drove while I was on it, broke some windows and glass objects that were part of our property, and self-harmed.

I hate being like this because I feel like I'm unable to function. I've been unemployed since my first suicide attempt back in September last year and I'd like to find a job, but when I'm like this I can't even look for one much less work one.

I'm also having another problem. I know a girl that I actually find attractive both physically, and personality wise, which is a rare thing for me. But I'm 23 and she's 15. I know I should probably stay away from her and try to kill those feelings but to even think of doing that is painful.

f**k life.

I think the best thing for your mood swings is to try and get out of the cycle you are in. A cycle possibly of disappointment and feelings of failure. This leads to frustrations and can influence mood, and sleep. Try to make peace with whatever is bothering you, and try not to feel that you have to be more successful in order to be happy. Look at the small things which make you happy and try not to focus on past failures no matter how difficult it may be.

Thanks for that advice. Anybody else have anything to say?

I think the previous poster's advice to focus on things that bring you joy is good. I understand that can be hard sometimes, though, when you are in a really dark place.

You are right in thinking you need to move past what you are feeling for the girl you mentioned. If you were to get yourself into trouble over pursuing a minor, you'd have a lot more problems than you do now.

That feels extremely difficult though.

I've been focusing on the things that bring my joy, for almost a year, and that got me out of the darkest period of my life.

It sounds like you are dealing with much greater problems than I ever had to deal with so I'm not sure my suggestions will have any validity to you, but here are my thoughts on the issue nevertheless...

Make sure you are getting enough exercise. A 20 or 30 minute walk in the evenings can help even out the mood swings.

If you are a vegetarian, make sure you take B-12 and B-Complex vitamins. Even if you are not, this might help. Everytime I forget to take them for about 2 days I become inexplicably depressed.

Make a list of the things that you can actively do to improve your life in the next day, week, month, year etc. Make sure those things are small enough tasks that no one task becomes so overwhelming that you give up in dispear. (For example my job has become boring and non-creative. This weekend I worked out a plan for developing my skills in a creative area and using them to either improve my current job or find a new and better one.)

And about the 15 year old; you can find her attractive all you like, but you can't do anything about it. Painful and frustrating as that may be, just recognize that whatever you do in regard to her is a choice you make and you are responsible for that choice. You have already indicated that you know what the right choice is, so you have to live with that.

Good luck

Im sorry you're in such a bad palce - I know what its like. Seems you need to find meds thats right for you And sunshine helps

Here's what I wrote in my livejournal just now:

I'm tired of everything. I can't seem to stay in a tolerable mood for more than a few days at a time anymore. I've been to quite a few doctors and therapists. I've taken quite a few medications. Hell, I have started looking into Buddhism. But I still get to deal with lovely things like anxiety, major depression, mood swings, intrusive thoughts, and such.

I've already talked about this making it hard for me to function. It also causes me to be anxious and wary of being around some people and places, including some of my friends. I guess my lack of some forms of compassion and empathy doesn't help either.

I don't even know what I'm going to do in the future if I ever mentally stabilize. Really when I try to think of that my mind goes in so many directions. What I want, what I feel I should do, and what I'm good at are totally seperate things.

I wonder if I should try to stop looking for a girlfriend. Asperger's people seem pretty co-dependent and place too much value on a relationship. Looking for girls in my case seems to lead to unpleasant situations. Like right now, when I'm extremely attracted to a crazy girl who's 15. There sure as hell aren't many people like me though.

Huh.

And now I'm just really angry again. f**k. I thought Ambien had a lot to do with it, but I guess not.