Second-guessing... sort of

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I have enormous problem with this thing. I often find myself in a situation where I'm overanalysing experiences I've already been through. Let's say I meet some new people and they're the friendliest people on planet. OK. It's cool at the time of meeting them and shortly after but after a longer while I start getting obsessive thoughts with a message 'you've done something wrong, you've made them mad/you've made them think you're an idiot'. Then I have periods of becoming "closed" to all surrounding reality and I see visualisations of those situations. I've been diagnosed with severe social anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Killer combo. I'd like to hear from people with similar issues about their experiences and their ways to win this struggle. It's killing me.

I have ocd and gad... though I somewhat dispute the gad, I do not dispute the ocd. My ocd is most problematic these days because of the intrusive thoughts. My head gets to rolling things around and I have a hell of a time making it shut up. My head does not so much dwell on other people thinking I have done something wrong, it dwells on all I did not do or say and all that I missed the first go round. I replay these things and change the events until I have tweaked them enough to right them in my mind. This sort of thought process very much sucks me up into my head and I become oblivious to my surroundings. Sometimes it keeps me awake for days if it is really bad. I do not get visuals with that, but I have a hard time seeing things in my head... I hear it all though. It makes me nuts when I want it to stop and I cannot make it stop.

I find physically exhausting things to work well. Spring and summer are good for me because I can go out by my garage and put on some headphones and pull weeds until I want to pass out. I have those big picker bushes back there and it is a nasty mess... but it wrecks me and I have to come in and shower and get the ick off and I find the whole process to be rather cleansing. I also clean like a madman while listening to music. I tend to stick ocd stoppers with productive activities as my obsessing is counterproductive and the whole point for me is to be more productive... Sometimes I try to mentally box up what I am thinking about and then tape the box shut and stick it away... I am a box thinker so of course I stick things in boxes... but if the box thinking does not work, sometimes I write out what I am obsessing about and stick it in a little jewelry box or something, throw it in the fire place and light it up to be done with it... and then I go do something else. That is the key for me... do something. I have to keep myself too busy to think. That seems to give me the separation I need to shut my head up.