Wishing I could help...

Post Reply New Topic

My ex is in a funk. He's depressed often, especially when he was put on academic probation and barred from attending the same university I am. He's fixated on this other girl (the one he cheated on me for) and she's not letting him be with her anymore. He texted me a few nights ago saying that he was horny and all and that's when it hit me: that's the only time he messages me. He says he loves me and stuff but he only talks to me when he wants some action. The thing is, I want to make him happy but I live three hours away from his house and can't drive. The only time I can see him is when I'm at school. I want him to love me but I'm not sure if it would ever happen. I guess I really want him because he's the only guy to ever want me back (if only for a short time). I feel that I may never get anyone else. Whenever he's not around, I'm alone. Men don't like me that way. They want to be my friend, that's it. I want to know how I can make him feel better so he won't be depressed anymore and maybe he'll love me again.

Don't. Don't. Don't. He may like you, he doesn't love you. You don't want to be just a booty call, that's even worse than nothing. It's not your assignment to make him happy. Having a guy part-time when he's horny is not having a guy, he has you. YOU DON'T NEED HIM. HE DOESN'T NEED YOU, HE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP. You can absolutely feel sorry for his problems and be sympathetic, but don't disrespect yourself.

I feel that if I abandon him, he won't have anyone else. That may or may not be actually true but based on what he's telling me, he's just as alone as I am.

Now you don't know that. You can only know that you don't want to be that.

I've known several women over many years who found it easier to be a last resort booty call to some guy who didn't have any feelings of emotional intimacy for them, than to put forth the effort necessary to attract other suitors. Its ultimately about what one wants and how bad one really wants it. Some people settle. For those who don't, won't or can't accept that kind of compromise, it seems unfathomable, unthinkable, but its a personal choice and she's free to choose that if she wants.

"Men don't like me that way" is the mantra of someone who's given up. It begs the question What would get them to like you that way? Then why don't you do that?

What would get them to like me that way? Undergo surgery to become a gorgeous supermodel because apparently my personality isn't enough. Why don't I do that? Because it's expensive. D:

You're young. Give yourself time, and stop saying things like you might not ever meet the right guy. I was 31 when I first met my wife. 31 ! !! Got married after dating two years ! !!
Give yourself time to grow and develop the skills we ASpies lack naturally.

But I'm afraid that I'll run out of time. I'm graduating next spring and then I'll be working all the time to pay off my college debt so I won't have time to date or have fun with my friends. I'll have it paid off by the time I'm 50 when I'll be too old to have kids. D:

But I'm afraid that I'll run out of time. I'm graduating next spring and then I'll be working all the time to pay off my college debt so I won't have time to date or have fun with my friends. I'll have it paid off by the time I'm 50 when I'll be too old to have kids. D:[/quote

You'll be amazed at the opportunities that will come your way. (Unless of course you become a professional flower arranger. Or a Nun.)

It's been my experience that Ex's are Ex's for a reason.
An attempt to fix loneliness with sex, will only lead to more loneliness.
If you put two lonely people on a desert island - they will still be lonely - sex or no sex.
Perhaps the relationship Can be reconciled, but no amount of sex is going to do it - you tried that.
Many hours of counseling / therapy, both alone and together has a low success rate - but some success is possible nonetheless.
Personally, we tried it and it did not work for us. There are couples who have had a meaningful and productive life together afterwards, but it's not the majority. It only works for those seeking to build something where there is nothing (relationship). If you are trying to fix each other, you Will fail each other eventually.
On the other hand, if whatever you are trying to do is for the good of the long-term relationship together, then you get long-term results. A short term fix leads to short term results. If one partner is sex-centered, of the other can be pleasing. But what about the other 23 miserable hours, for us, it finally was Not worth it.
These are lessons I had to learn the painful way. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

sorry for DaRant

If you want a booty call, choose someone other than your your ex. I am sure there are plenty of volunteers. Your ex is a user, and you will not get anywhere in a relationship with him. You know you can get into a real relationship once you find someone who is not that shallow.

Yeah, college guys don't like fat chicks and I won't be able to drop 100 pounds in time to become beautiful for them. So I'm bound to be lonely until I move out from home. Mother won't approve of anyone unless he's Jesus-reincarnate. :/

You make me sad, Erisad.

I am going to drive to PA!

Then I'd have to explain to my family why this person whom I've never met is at my house. Unless you waited until some weekend when I'm at school. That'd be a lot easier. D:

When do you start school?

I move in on the 29th. I'll probably end up going home the following weekend to pick up stuff that we couldn't fit into the car on the first trip so the first weekend I'll be actually staying on campus would be September 11th and 12th.

How about in December?