Feeling down today. :(

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I swear that every day, my family hates me more and more. We're always screaming at each other about everything. They're pissed at me because I said that I lost faith in Christianity. I already have one father that does nothing for me, why do I need another absent "father"? If God truly cared about me, he wouldn't have let me get AS and he wouldn't have given me this sh***y fat body of mine. I'm tired of being home. I hate it here. My family doesn't understand me but I'm forced to deal with their s**t until I get a good job and move as far away as possible so they'd never see me again. Either that or find a boyfriend to move in with, which is unlikely seeing as men hate girls like me. They all want the gorgeous women they see on TV. I can never measure up to them so I'll always be alone. I hate my life and pray for it to either get better or end in a hurry. D:

Welcome to the life of a lost soul. *hug*

I have found that obsessive walking really helps with weight control. Our minds are well suited to this.

Pick out a 1 mile long stretch of road and just keep walking back and forth whenever you get pissed at life.

While doing it I live in my fantasy world or when I get tired of fantasizing I listen to podcasts/audiobooks.

I don't like it. I don't wanna be lost but I don't want to have my soul bound and gagged by strict Christian values that only add needless guilt to everything. Every day it's a religious conversation with mom and grandma saying the world's going to hell and people need "saved." For instance, it was mentioned on TV that actress Julia Roberts is a practicing Hindu. Grandma says, "Poor girl needs saved." I say, "I don't think she needs help. She's pretty successful as a parent and an actress." To which she replys, "But it's a cult!"

Umm...I'm pretty sure Hinduism is recognized as an actual religion by now. Scientology = cult. Islam, Hinduism, Judiasm, Christianity = Religion. Living with ignorant people is so frustrating! D:

My brother's already an obsessive walker. He paces around the house listening to his ipod all the time. If I started too, I'd get yelled at for it. I walk all the time when I'm at school but it doesn't do a damn thing. I guess I'm meant to be an ugly fatass forever. D:

Accepting our lives as they were meant for us, is probably the hardest thing in the world to achieve, but without doubt the most rewarding. No matter what your circumstances there will always be people worse off then you and people better off than you. So maybe there are people with a better body than you (same case with me), but there are others who have serious illnesses and/or disfigurements who would be happy to swap with you (and me). It's a really tough thing to do, but acceptance of all the good and not so good is very important. Life cannot be perfect, it's a bitter pill to swallow, I know.

I know that. I just have a difficult time finding things to accept. I know that the only time my life is better is when I'm at college. I have one year left. After that, my life is probably going to be miserable until I obtain the funds to get a car, learn to drive, and move out, which will probably happen in 10 years. I don't know if I can take ten years of this. If I'm not moved out, married/in a serious relationship, and have a job in my field by the time I'm 30, I'll just try to O.D. on my Adderall and hope everything goes away.

Way back in the history of time, it was the cool thing to be fat, especially because it meant you enjoyed your food, and a lot of it too!

I think you can go back to school any time even after you finished something. Perhaps look into something else?

Please don't OD on adderall. That stuff is horrible as is! I was on it for 9 years and I don't think I have ADHD, especially cause of how I remember feeling on that drug! But since it wouldn't work and my parents didn't want anything to do with Autism, they up, up, upped the dose to some pretty high levels. Wish I could remember it all right now.

Some colleges have gyms, if you enjoy doing things like riding on those stationary bicycles, those can be pretty fun! I have no room to talk though, my skinny butt doesn't exercise much at all, even though it helps with dealing with life a little easier. If you like numbers and lists and things, you could turn exercising into one of those things like you would when you grow plants and keep a journal on them... Heck you could even do that if you like that!

Having so much muck in the way of living can make it hard to find life outside of all this. If you have an official diagnosis, you can probably get housing for yourself.

I hope I helped.

I think you're beautiful the way you are and if you wait long enough, a man'll discover you and love you.

According to Christianity there pretty much is no such thing as religion because they are all wrong. "I am the way the truth and the light no one comes to the father except through me". This is part of my beef with it.

Adderall isn't the answer, if you look back I've mentioned before that going off it is what messed up two of my ex's metabolisms. Overdose on it and you are going to be all kinds of messed up.

I know it was cool to be fat back then but that doesn't help me now. I'm not even treated as a human because of it.

My current school debt is great as it is so I'll never be able to afford to go back for anything and even when I do, everyone will be so much younger than me that I won't fit in.

I've been on Ritalin since I was three and Adderall since I was 16. I'm addicted to this pills because my b***h of a mother doesn't like how I am so she drugs me up. She only loves me when I'm doped up on them. If life doesn't get better, I may have to use them to end it since I don't own the gun and the knives and swords in our house aren't sharp enough.

My university does. However, I'm going into my senior year, so the workload is a lot worse or so I'm told. I probably won't have time for fun or anything. My roommate last year was a senior and was always working. Granted she's in a different major but I'm afraid it'll still be the same for me. D:

I do have an official diagnosis but I'm high functioning enough not to be put in a home so it won't work. D:

I need the Adderall though, without it I can't focus and will fail all my classes and never graduate. D:

Ehh good point. Maybe that's why I didn't go to college and did half assed in high school in anything aside from social studies. Still overdosing = not smart.

Christianity is a little messed up by people who subject themselves to deadly sins and uses it to try to control others, etc. God is the only one to judge upon you, not the priest, and not anyone else, and he really does love his creations. There is obstacles in the way of life that are hard to get over, but once you get over those obstacles, you can find yourself happy sometimes.

It sucks to say "Push hard and continue to try to live life by the moment", but I have learned not to dwell in the past from my self-observance experience. If someone doesn't like that you don't believe in Christianity, it is not their right to pass judgment upon you. And God won't, because most of that crap is messed up, again, from people using it to hurt/control others.

(I believe in spirituality and I believe in a creator. There is no way the creator of all life would pass judgment onto their creations.)

Pistonhead = But O.D.ing is the only form of suicide available to me. I have rope from one of my costumes but it's not very thick and would break as soon as I tried to hang myself. D:

Kelpie - That makes more sense.

Hinduism was an actual religion for almost two thousand years before Jesus was even born.

My family are fundamentalist bigots like that, too. They'd be stunned to realize that the account of creation from their bible is stolen from an earlier PAGAN version told by the Sumerians on cuneiform tablets dating back to at least 5000 BC, right down to the garden where man was first placed being called E DIN. But then they study their bibles every day and don't realize the term ELOHIM used in the creation account refers not to one god, but several, as its a plural word (as in: "Let US make man in OUR image*"). It also never seems to occur to them that Christianity as it exists today, rest primarily on the writings of Paul (Saul) of Tarsus, who never even met Jesus (and actually persecuted Christians before his 'conversion'), yet claimed to know exactly what Jesus' intentions and true message were. I always figured if there were a Satan and he wanted to screw up God's perfect plan for mankind, wouldn't sending an infiltrator to change the message from the inside be the most effective method? Kinda makes ya go Hmmmm, doesn't it?

I do, however, believe there is a creative intelligence behind the fabric of reality, more along the lines of Lucas' notions of 'The Force' - the universe is alive, and life both penetrates and surrounds us - we are God, but we are asleep within our flesh and have (temporarily) forgotten.




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*of course the best argument Christians can come up with for this is that the 'US' in the creation account refers to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit, but the very concept of the Trinity didn't even evolve in Christian theology until more than three hundred years after Jesus died.