Accepting shitey circumstances

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There is a lot of literature out there on happiness, and positivity. but when I read magazines, it talks about positivity in average life circumstances. but my circumstances are not really what you call average. I have never had the average life. This board is the only place where I can find people with lives similar to mine.

So, how do we accept circumstances which are not really what would be desired but cannot be changed easily? Buddhism teaches meditation upon ones circumstances, Christianity teaches that problems are less if God is consulted, and Islam asks for full submission to the will of god.

I am not very articulate with words tonight, so I am having difficulty writing what I want to write.

I know that it is not only lives like mine that are difficult, there are many people on this earth living in various types of oppressive circumstances (animals too) who have to accept their circumstances and deal with them.

For me it is the ability to find pleasure in small things most people never notice. To be fair, I don't think I was able to do this before my depression was lifted by anti depressants, but I never tried back then. My brother complains about all the ugliness of urban sprawl against the background of the beautiful mountains in the area. I tell him I see the ugly urban sprawl but concentrate on the way the morning sun is hitting the mountains. The ugliness is true, but so is the beauty.

Things could always be worse. (That's what I try to say to myself). Mental constructs are changing constantly - it's only a matter of perspective.

Everything has its "good" and "bad" side, if we accept one we inevitably accept the other as well. Facing both sides of the coin can be quite liberating at times - at least from illusions.

We don't really have much choice - it's either to accept the circumstances we can't change, and try to change those that we can, or be bitter, cynical and dissatisfied till the day we die (like I'm often ).

So, you try and look at the things you like and ignore the things you dont? I guess that is a good aproach to things. Im feeling a lot better today than I was yesterday.

Yes, I guess I have always had difficulty telling myself that my life is good when I dont really believe it. I can focus on good things but I cant really feel like I like my life. Accepting it feels like i am accepting somethng I dont like and I can only accept things I like.

Thing is, I can't even look at the good anymore because whenever something happens in my life that's good or makes me happy I can't trust it because it's just going to get screwed up one way or another, sometimes by me and sometimes through no fault of my own or even anyone else's, just the way things happen. Every flipping time I think I might get a little happiness it gets messed up so I don't even want to try any more. Hurts too much when it gets messed up.

~Kate

If accepting the bad as well as good made you happier, then wouldn't that be something to like?

Some zen_logic for a zen_mistress

That's very sad. I spent many years there, myself. I hope that you can come to terms with the possibility and consequence of both good things and bad things occurring in your life.

I second that.

No, its only accepting the good that makes me happy. To accept something I have to like it. I cannot accept what I cant like.

Well, I can accept a certain amount of things that I dont like, but if it goes over a certain baseline where it becomes that the majority of my life is crap, i just cant say to myself "I accept and like this."
I feel compelled to change it. but I cant, at least not at the moment.

Well, at this point I'm just trying to hang in there for my children. They didn't ask to be born, and they deserve better than to be abandoned either by my suicide or allowing myself to become nonfunctional. My husband is an as*hole and he'll never get beyond the "you need to fix it (the AS)" crap. When I finally get things together to leave him, I'll probably spend the rest of my life alone, but that's just the way it is. I don't hold out any hope of happiness for myself at this point, because I've been dangled a carrot too many times, only to have it taken back.

~Kate

Meow101, I hope you learn to block out the voices of those who criticise you. I think when you find that what people say holds less weight, it will be a lot easier to enjoy life.

Yeah, that's why I'm going to leave even though it means that I will be alone, maybe for the rest of my life. I'd rather that than to hear the constant criticism and how nothing I ever do is good enough. Who knows, maybe when I'm not hearing that all the time, I'll get to a point where I'm ready to risk being hurt again.

~Kate

I think the fear of being in that situation is what's kept me so relationship shy all these years. My father was hyper critical and it made a lasting impression on me. It wears you down.

Yeah, at this point I take everything that doesn't go well in any part of my life as proof that he's right, whether it makes sense or not, and it's part of the reason I'm so depressed and hopeless. I'm not sure if it'll ever get better, but I have to hang in there for my children. It's not fair to them to bag out on them, either through suicide or through becoming non-functional, so I have to fight for them, even though I can't do it for myself any more.

~Kate