Professionals and people in authority that lie.

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Hi everyone, I have not posted on WP very much in the last year although sometimes I have come back to read what others have been up to and this web site is the only one that I can identify with even if I don't chose to post much. I don't think my posting style in the past was very good so I ended up just posting in the computers, maths, science, and sechnology section about my interest in computer hardware.

I have gone through the hardest year of my life from 2009 and right now the only thing I can think about doing is to try to write a record of what had happened.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in late 2005, also had huge problems with anxiety and depression. I lived in one room and only came out at night to eat and wash inorder to avoid people. The therapist who worked with me every week helped reduce the anxiety and depression and I moved away from my parents house which had been the cause of a lot of conflict due to visitors and that had ended in a suicide attempt and also a few weeks on a mental health ward every few months. I live alone in a flat which is very peaceful now . My contact with my parents almost ended then except for vuisiting them once or twice a month.

The psycologist who was working with me had started a small group for other people who also have AS and I joind hoping that this would reduce the isolation from society. I don't go outside much except if i have to. The only outside contact I had was the psycologist who visited me every week and my parents who helped me with shopping and sometimes going to visit them.

The psycologist went away on leave saying that when she reterned I would continue going to the group, and would still work with me to make my future better. That was a year ago and I was told I could phone up to ask when she would be back and each time I was told that they would be back but it would be just a little while longer.

Well recently I fould out that not only did the person come back but I was lied to on the phone and they told me the person was still away. I went to see my GP who showed me a letter that said that I was disconnected from the AS service with out any notification or warning to myself. I asked him if I still had a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome and he said that I did and that is what my psyciatrist said too. Because I put my trust in the psycologist who had helped me so much and got lied to I was pretty devistated and was overdosing on antidepressants and valium this has messD my stomach up badly also tried suicide attemps which wernt very well planned. Now after a year and three months of this they are going to review my "care" next monday. The psycologist is excluded and my psyciatrist does not specialise in AS. The thing that really worris me is having to work with a ignorant cpn person again who randomly says "confidence" "hold your head up high" "your perceptions" "if it was me i would" you should be able"

I saw a cpn when my psycologist was away and she ridiculed me when I spoke about the group and what my pyscologist was doing and that I would be meeting people. It seemed she was conflicting with my psycologist and I stayed loyal to what my psycologist told me. finally the cpn siad she was a emptional prop until the psycologost cabe back which was condecending and I ended seeing the cpn. This cpn still thinks AS is a mental iilness. I really tried my best to reason with her but it was impossible. I am not some one who is just able to make friends or meet people. OF COURSE IF IT WAS THAT SIMPLE HAS HAVING CONFIDENCE I WOULD ALREADY HAVE MET PEOPLE.

In the world everyone is expected to be the same and I am a quiet person who likes to live alone and work on computer hardware. I really hate mental health and wellness advertising teams. It seems like its one big socialist advert with soundbytes these days. I just get no pleasure from being in groups of people at all I like to talk to one person at a time I WOULD LIKE TO MEET ONE PERSON NOT BE PUSHED INTO A GROUP. when people complement me its hard to know if its a real complement or an insult. Now a social worker has been assigned to my case. that cant be good. If i am forced into situations i will jump off the nearist bridge, I will not be pushed into society. my solitude is what stabalises me I just would like to be left alone. I don't have any input into my treatment at all now. I am just "in" the state system. I would like to see someone who checks on me every week like before. and the SAME person that is trustworthy. I really want as little human contact as possible now. I wanted to go to the group for people with AS because I knew it would be different and not a load of random small talk that was boring and difficult to follow. now I wont get that chance. how do professionals get away with this? I stayed silent for a year out of loyalty and the believe that the AS service was worth trusting. I took like 10 valiums but I still cant sleep. At least I know if I am forced and stressed again I will just find a place to jump off (obviously away from people). Its really hard if suddenly a person is diagnosed and thay can be understood by someone who understands AS with out all the NT feel good soundbytes and then that help is taken away in a dishonist way. So its worth bearing in mind that just because someone understands does not meant they are truthful. I hope one one else had to go through this. At least i am still alive.

Hi Conundrum,

Thanks for your reply,

all they said on the phone was that it seemed that it would be two months more until the person came back and then when I phoned in two months time the same thing happened again. I knew that the person was back because other people were working with them. So I waited patiently thinking they were busy and one day I was told by my psyciatrist very informally that I was disconnected from the AS service. I wrote to them and only then did i get a formal letter that said the service was being "restructured". It was very vague. that was after five years of treatment and no mention the year I had waited or the outcome of the treatment.

-Before my psycologist went away a specific plan was written up about what would happen when she came back. it never happened.

Now the psyciatrist seems to want to get my parents involved and restructure my life. I have anxiety related to aspergers syndrome and depression due to isolation, they just dont get it. I get given medication as if these are seperate illnesses, and now I am assigned a psyciatric social worker. I just have asperger's syndrome, If i was left alone and had a friend I would be fine.

Its strange that this is happening after I was diagnosed and understood about Asperger's Syndrome. Its strange that the psycologist has not spoken with the CPN or the psyciatrist. I dont know weather to just quit seing them. I dont know what changes the psyciatric social worker will make to my life or how they will tell me to live.

Another problem is my mother sees the same psyciatrist for a seperate condition hand he takes notes about me from questions he asks her and she just think its polite conversation when in fact he is finding out infomation about me and this is un reliable because i live alone and dont talk to anuy one much. how is this ethicaly right? My mother has realised what is happening now and feels under pressure now to speek for me in her own appointments. Obviously i am still not understanding all of what is going on yet but its not a very good situation. I just cant take much more of this. Every thing was fine until my psycologist went away.

I am still diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome but nothing I say makes a difference.

I find it useful to record my thoughts in posts because I have been writing on paper for nearly a year trying to figure out what is happening and I have got qall the pages mixed up.

About finding out why they lied, my dad has set up a meeting with the consultant psycologist who will have to answern some very carefully thought out questions. I will be refusing to work with a psyciatric social worker until i am satisfied that my life is not going to be dictated to. if i am forced into groups or suddenly finding my way in the city then its good bye for me.

Thanks, Conundrum

Thay did say something about budget cuts, but that it was only that they used to get extra money until the recession and now that have to make do with the normal amount. My psyciatrist said that that would not affect the service and I was being removed and he would not say why. I feel a lot happier since talking to you on WP, I will keep everyone informed in the next few days.

One small update, it looks like the social worker is just for the meeting on monday to add suggestions and options, I am not actually being assigned one. thats a huge relief, my psyciatrist clarified this yesterday, even though he was on holiday which was nice of him I guess there is hope. I had previously got a letter saying that a social worker would be involved with out saying in what capacity which sent me into panic. thats one variable eliminated

That is what I need to find out, They made no mention of a different outcome for years and the psycologist drew up a plan with me which was agreed apon, if there was a difficulty they could have told me before the plan was made and ajustments could have been worked on. Instead the psycologist just made the plan and i stayed loyal to it and there realy seemed to be some type of conflict with the different professionals involved. I sided with the person who diagnosed me. What type of out come would they have wanted from the plan in order for them to get paid? The psycologist seemed to be encoraging me with and enthusiastic about the group that was starting.

This is quite confusing I had spent years isolated because of anxiety and conflict and then was put in a flat to resolve all the conflicts and now i have been just left without any plan and i missed out on a lot of normal life.

thanks for the replies they have useful to help me figure this situation out. It might be that the recession had changed things a lot too in some ways.

leejosepho, Its starting to make sense now, but that contract must have happened after may 2009 when my psycologist went away and when she came back the plan that was made was not supported by the new contract. I guess now I will have to start all over again and rethink my life. Things could have been better if people were honest with me and helped me to adapt to their plan if i could. I would integrate in my own way if there was a situation that was not too difficult. I would have been able to make preperations had this been explained. - nothing was said by the psycologist.

Instead I was cut off. may be my psycologist thought it would be too difficult because I am used to extreme isolation. Monday will have more answers hopefully. I never trusted the other professionals, if my psycologist had helped me with a better plan I would have done it.

The cpn's tried to force me to change myself and said i was ill, I would rather adapt myself appropriately when necessary to relevant situations then being told to be "the same as people who cope in large groups of people and just have a social lifestyle. those cpn's realy condecend. if you say something they like you are well if you disagree you are ill.

yes thats why i stopped seeing the cpn, Had they helped me adapt i would have been happy to try. I think my dad is prepared to give me some help about how to go forward apropriately into society with out being forced into crowds of people.