Am I doing the right thing for my sister?

Post Reply New Topic

Right now, my family is going through some very trying times. My sister had a baby about a week and a half ago, from a drug-addled husband who is on the verge of incarceration. She is no longer married to this man, but he left her with a baby son. She does not get along with anyone in the family, and does not seem to want to live with my family, although she needs things from the family (like food, medical care, etc).

She has had many screaming fights with my dad, running away repeatedly to live with friends or lovers. She usually returns within a few days or weeks. I don't know if she either breaks down the goodwill of her friends or if these friends find out they don't like her because of her personality. She has a strong tendency to explode at people intermittently, and/or quickly become very angry. Several people I have talked with (and a few who know her) think she has a mental illness. Some even speculate she has bipolar disorder.

Ok, so here is the crisis. On sunday night, as I was coming home from a local fan convention, I heard someone walk into the garage and slam the door. I walked into the house and saw my dad sitting in his recliner rocking my sister's baby to sleep. I asked him how his day had been, and he remarked "sh--ty." I walk back to my room, and 5-6 minutes later, my sister comes in (from the garage) and proceeds to tell my dad "to get away from her son. Don't touch him ever again" She then tells him she is leaving. She then goes back into her room and talks on the phone for a few minutes. She then leaves with some people. About this time, the family dog begins whining and barking (he needs to be taken to the bathroom), so I take him out across the street. I see my sister loading a car seat into the back of her friend's car. When I get to the other side of the street, she crosses and grabs on to my arm, telling me that "she didn't know what happened, and that my dad freaked the f--k out at her, for no reason). Everyone in the family says that it was the other way around from what they heard.

So last night, she returns home from her friends. She walks into her room. One hour later, she comes in to ask me to use my computer to check her myspace. I oblige, and leave the room. About 15 minutes later, my dad comes out to tell me that she is done. Now my sister is not in the habit of logging out of her myspace or facebook pages, so when I tried to get back on FB, I read her latest post, which says "I don't know where to go from here."

Later on, she takes a long walk, leaving her baby at home crying. The baby is crying very hard, and I am struggling to put him in a clean diaper. My dad left to go pick up my other sister from work. When they get home, they help me get all of his needs met (such as feeding, changing diaper, etc.). My other sister walks outside. Then my aunt calls and wants to talk to my other sister or my dad. My dad doesn't talk because his arms are full, and my other sister is outside talking to the little one, who has broken down into tears. I find out from the other one that the little one strongly contemplated committing suicide as she passed a canal. She went to a doctor this morning to discuss what my other sister believes is post partum depression.

I am simply left unsure of what to do. Last night, I gave her a phone number for checking out Section 8 housing. This morning, I printed an application to give to her for an emergency shelter for women and children.

I also have my dad's health to worry about, since he is under a lot of stress from all of this. Last December, he reported to me that he has had several "mini heart attacks." 2 days ago, he reported to me that he had a "mini stroke," where the right side of his face went numb for about 10 seconds. He is a 70 year old single father (me and my two sisters and the little one's baby live with him), smokes, and his diet is relatively questionable. I keep telling him to go to the doctor, but he brushes me off every time I mention it to him, saying "the way to keep healthy is to get rid of all this stress." I am not sure of what to do.

Wow. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I would say that the best thing you can do right now, is just continue to be helpful and kind. Your other sister seems like she has your little sister's health in mind and your Dad will do what he will do and you probably can't change his mind about going to the doctor. Just hang in there... my sister has a similar situation and it can get tough.

You sound like a very caring person and giving your sister those applications was very practical and kind . Just hang in their with the day to day stuff and possibly when your sister is in a "good mood", talk to her about seeing a therapist.

You are not a superhero and only do what you can, it is not your responsibility to fix this mess that people have created for them selves.
You could maybe have a talk with your sister and tell her how you feel and how the family feels but not come on strong, just lay it down for her.
This crisis will only be fixed by complete separation like she goes to live somewhere else or cooperation.
I think that you're taking a lot of this and putting it on your shoulders, but that also makes you a good human being that cares.

Bottom line, they are grown human beings and if they lack something and get help from someone who cares enough to take care of them they shouldn't bite the hand that feeds. Now I've taken into consideration that your sister might be ill and have some disorder so a neutral good talk wouldn't hurt, where you just listen to her worries and don't involve any judging ( that I don't think that you would do either).

Separation or cooperation are the only things that will make a mess like this go away.

Good Luck and remember that they are grown ass people and nothing of what's happening is your fault. Period.

I guess she has gone in for a psych eval. so there is probably going to be some testing of her abilities and to see if she has a mental illness or psychological issues. She has left her child with my dad, sister, and me, so it is very likely that I will have to assume greater responsibilities than ever before.

I hope that things improve for both you, and your sister, very soon. I'll be thinking about you, and praying for you.

I am trying to put myself past this and focus on my interest in science fiction more, but it is especially hard with the fact that she left her child to the care of the family. As you all may or may not know, having a newborn infant in the house is hard on a person. The baby is constantly in demand for the needs of its continued survival, which include changing diapers, feeding, burping, giving attention, etc. It is easy for a person like me (The family's experiences to date have pretty much confirmed my already strong feelings about not getting a wife and having children) to be selfish and say "f--k it" with the whole thing, but you soon realize that one person (whether my 22-year old sister, who works, or my 70 year old dad, who has possible health problems lurking in the offing, and I say this with very valid suspicions) cannot handle the full stress. Thus, I am merely trying to do whatever I can to find a good permanent solution to the problem, so that my dad's health and the family's financial integrity can be preserved for a few years longer while I work through the last years of undergrad education.

It is my sincere hope that if the evaluators can find out what is going on with her mental state and outside housing can be found for her, I can move towards not using the Haven as a rant forum for all of my family conundrums, most of which involve her.

The best way to reduce stress with a newborn is to get one of those thingies a carrier to carry baby around in(you can make one) and that should cut down on crying baby. Also make up several bottles(a days worth) and stick them in fridge. If you can reduce crying then baby will be less stressed and a happy relaxed baby means a baby that sleeps better. I dealt with my noise sensitivity to crying babies by trying to anticipate what their needs were so they'd cry less. Babies like being held carriers are good with that also mylicon in a bottle is good too.

Pacifiers work well too. As for your dad you can't do much about that. It's different when it's your kid. If she's suicidal then in no way does she need to be the sole caregiver for that baby.