Angry at myself, the area I live in, and life in general

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I feel really hurt right now... I don't like what my life is doing and where I am apparently heading - no where.
If I don't get somewhere in music in the future, then I'm doomed to clinical depression for life.

I HATE my mind for making me believe I am some sort of relationship destroying person, or making me feel sexist, racist and horrible.

I hate the area I live in for being a fricking boring place where I can't develop my music properly.
I want a band.

There really is no good reason for me to go to bed at good hours right now due to no promising prospects the next day etc.

I don't really want to even exist, but I will continue to.

I'm going to bed now - I hope to see replies when I wake up.

Feeling stuck...I know that feeling well.



It's the OCD talking. From what I know about you, you are none of those things.



That's a tough one--being limited by circumstance (economical or otherwise) to be in a place that doesn't provide what you need. You've mentioned some IRL friends--do any of them play, or know anyone who does?

If not, start advertising--create a MySpace page and/or a Craigslist posting explaining who you are, what you play, and what/who you're looking for in band members. You just might be pleasantly surprised and receive replies from local musicians you would not have met otherwise who are looking for the exact same thing. (Sorry for the run-on sentence...whew.)



GOOD. You've got too much to offer to cease existing.



I hope you sleep well. I also hope that this posting gives you some hope.

The following song has helped me feel better during some bad times. I'm not sure about the images in the video, but it was the only one I could find:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DSIp7zyXO0&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

Take care.

Thank you conundrum.
I think I will go to bed at 20 past, which is 10 minutes away.

Thank you so much for the message and the song.
*Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug*

I want to get somewhere with some kind of freedom to do what I want with music thing going on.
My mind is the most punishing source of the problems I face really... internal warfare somewhat... it hurts.

Anyhoo - I think I should do alright.
I played a gig tonight but I just feel terribly frustrated and I am not around people who understand music in a way of playing and writing, which is terribly annoying sometimes.

You're welcome, and BIG HUG right back at you!



Such is the nature of the beast that is OCD. My bf (who has it also) has told me that music is freeing somehow, and that he feels most happy with himself when he is playing.



Don't let that stop you from playing. Like I said, try branching out with a MySpace page (or maybe Facebook--as much as I personally dislike it, MySpace is losing ground to FB, so you might meet more like-minded music people that way). Actually, give both a try--MySpace is still useful for musicians trying to network and get noticed. Post your videos on it.

Sleep well, have a good night.

you'll be ok:)

come to landann