I like black women and it's depressing me

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I realize that I'm touching the sensitive issue of race here, but I've wanted to get this off my chest for a while.

I am a white man who is attracted to black women. I think they're the most beautiful race of women to have ever evolved. I love their dark skin, luscious lips, and dark kinky hair. Unfortunately I find that my attraction to black women sometimes depresses me for the following reasons:

1) The media doesn't cater to white men who like black women very often. Most of the women you see being promoted as beautiful in the media are either white or Asian. If you do see a black woman, she's almost always light-skinned, and in movies she's usually paired up with a black man (which makes it harder for white guys like me to identify with the man in the story). I wish there was more media with beautiful dark-skinned black women alongside white men.

2) Quite a lot of people react negatively when I tell them about my preference. They accuse me of being racist and shallow, as if it was wrong to be attracted to certain physical features. What makes this even worse is that other white guys get away with preferring blondes, redheads, or Asians without anyone throwing a shitfit. It's like it's only wrong to have a preference when black women are the subject, which I for one think is racist.

3) It's hard to find other white guys who share my taste. Most wouldn't give a black woman a second glance. That makes me feel somewhat lonely and weird among white men.

4) I am livid at the way black women are treated by our society. They suffer both from racism and sexism, and their beauty is seldom appreciated. If I was paid a dollar for every derogatory comment I've heard or read about black women, I'd be a f*****g trillionaire. The sad thing is that a lot of the people making these hateful remarks are black men, who you'd think would be the first to defend black women. I wish there were more people willing to stand up for black women.

In summary, my love for black women often makes me sad. What should I do about it?

Celebrate it. And attend an NAACP meeting to get involved in addressing point #4! (The organization welcomes whites; the first national VP was a white dude.) Also a great place to meet single black women...

Maybe you should be less vocal about it being an attraction preference per se (I don't like it when guys say they prefer blondes or redheads either), and I wouldn't say too much about comments from black men as a group (you don't want to create the impression that you're trying to rescue black women from men who aren't worthy of them; I know that's not what you're saying, but that's how it can sound), but otherwise I think you're doing great.

The one thing I would say, as somebody who has been close to black women all his life and will probably end up marrying one (I live in a 73% black city), is that you can't productively love black women unless you also love black men. So learn to love black men. Get to know some who share your values. (This is another potential benefit re: the NAACP.) Become an activist for black folks as a whole.


Cheers,

TH

btw, the issues affecting black women on both the basis of race and gender: there's a name for it. Google "intersectionality" and read some bell hooks (she doesn't capitalize her name). You are well-situated to be a FANTASTIC ally to black women facing institutional oppression, and if it's gut-level attraction that gets you started on that road, there's nothing wrong with that.

Also? If you think you might be into it, try dipping your toes into the spoken-word poetry community.


Cheers,

TH

yes it's depressing how 'beautiful' women in the media are very rarely dark skinned

While ideally it shouldn't matter, such a radically interracial relationship is going to be strenuous just because of public judgement whenever you're with her anywhere. If you're Hercules-level strong in the head and body, then feel free to take on the challenge.

But then, you better hope your kids are as strong as you, because they will have the s**t bullied out of them.

I know how it is like. I've found attractive girls of every possible skin color and race.

Yeah, and then they might, I don't know, run for president or something.

(My best friend growing up was multiracial. It's not all that uncommon, and it gets a little more common every year.)


Cheers,

TH

it should be obvious that beauty comes in all colors.

I used to have that same kind of inexplicable preference for many years. i dont even know why, I just had. Maybe because its a mysterious colour. Maybe because my first crush was black, and you know what they say.

And just like you I was also annoyed with that stereotypical portrayal in the popular media. Black girls are always paired up with black men.
And if you care for a little reductio ad absurdum you can easily turn all the racist comments on their head and ask who the real racist is. After all, there are more non blacks than blacks so the chance that a black girl would end up with a black guy should statistically speaking be less than 50%.
The most striking example in the popular media to me was always star trek. No one cared if humans paired up with Klingons or Vulcans or what-have-you but as soon as LaForge or Sisko fell in love with a human she was black again. Talk about stereotyping.
I have to say this problem is a lot less apparent in Dutch society. In our country the division is more along the lines of Islam/non-Islam and even then there is a remarkably high number of exceptions to the "rule"(I puke on such rules).

And of course all that I have written above is BS. I have long since rid myself of irrelevant and irrational preferences.
The differences between NT's and non-NT's are already a million times greater than any real or presumed racial differences could ever be.
There really is no objective reason at all to prefer one colour over another. When you meet the right one all that becomes totally irrelevant.
In fact, my wonderful amazing gf is a red-haired white English girl and about as pale as it gets but that is only because she does not go out much.

I dated a Black girl for a little while. And I'm pretty damn pale.


I wouldn't paint people with too broad of strokes. While that's certainly true of some Black men, I've found that most would be pretty offended if anyone said anything bad about their women.

I'm completely equal opportunity in this regard. I've felt attracted to members of just about any ethnicity. Anything from albino white to the darkest African black.

I find females of many shades and ethnicities
to be attractive, though I tend to prefer large
heavyset ones, I find myself liking the looks of
those, as the previous poster said something
like, from very light skinned to the darkest
brown.

Huh? I said they're going to be bullied, not mentally impaired.

Did you see "Something New" or "Guess Who?", or "Bulworth?"

It seems to me that the whole white-male/black-female agenda has been at the top of the Hollywood propaganda plot-agenda for the last decade.

Just my opinion but it seems they've been pushing the white-male/minority-female thing very hard. It used to be white-female and black-male until those relatinships actually became very common in the GP.

I do agree though that it seems they usually cast a Halle Berry type for many of the prominent black female roles.

About issue no. 2: How is liking black women any more racist(or shallow) than prefering blondes?
Or any other physical trait?
Ask folks that.

My father is white, my mother black. It's the media that brainwashes society. I personally find
Asian looks VERY unappealing ... too childlike. Sometimes, I think that large men who go after teeny Asian women may have a subliminal, pedophilic flair to their personality. I'm only talking about appearance only. I don't wish to offend anyone. My rather short brother thinks that taller Asian women are the most beautiful in the world so it's just a matter of personal preference. It's down to the media and what hot in fashion. Do you remember the entertainer "Lola Fulana"? She was black as could be - nothing whitish about her! She was absolutely gorgeous. She's old now though. My father used to have to be physically dragged away from the television screen just to eat dinner at the dinnertable. If you eventually do hook up with a beautiful black women expect trouble from all sides. You might have to become a Buddhist to get through it all. I think that people get scared and brainwash the young, reproductive members of society to find certain types appealing to keep the races pure. People are nutz! My black mom used to dye her hair red. Now, how ridiculous is that especially during the 1960's!! She tried to "whiten".