Does anyone ever feel down and anxious about (male) violence

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Tom
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20 Dec 2009, 5:36 pm

Most of the girlfriends or close female friends I have had, have had a violent, abusive father or ex who they feared and talked about all the time, although the person was never around, they always talked about them and the idea of them coming for them seems to always hangs around for them. I often worry about female friends, partners, my sister, they have all had violent men in their lives at some point. It makes me feel really bad about myself as I've never been violent or tough myself so I don't know how I'd handle such a person if i had to someday.

my sister was nearly grabbed by a gang of men once, she shouted and ran and got away, but that made me so anxious, i really turned up obsession in exercixe and boxing, (which i was already trying to do), people complimented me at the time and said i looked more buff, and i felt more confident while enjoying boxing classes, but it still never really made me feel completely happy.

things like this give me lots of anger and stress, i do dwell on it sometimes, though i try to concentrate on healthy thoughts. it really makes me angry and sad that women i care about have had to put up with such, i know its much many times worse for them actually having gone through it than me just having to think about it, but i do dwell on it sometimes.

I'm not that different either as i have anger in myself too and i once said to my girlfriend "anyone other guy would have hit you" when angry at her. But that just makes me feel worse about it.



Eggman
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20 Dec 2009, 5:47 pm

no more and no less then female violence. I dont genderfy or specify, just appose violence period...unless its pwning n0obs of course


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20 Dec 2009, 6:43 pm

I agree with Eggman. I would feel just as bad if a male friend told me his mom was being abusive. The only reason I might hold male violance against females in higher regard is that that stuf can escalate into sexual abuse. :x


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MotherKnowsBest
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20 Dec 2009, 7:01 pm

Yes.

16 years ago I was in an abusive relationship. I still suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome.

All you can do is treat the women in you life with love and respect and if you ever feel you aren't, either change your ways immediately or stay away from them for your own sake as well as theirs.

And remember that mental violence is just as damaging as physical violence as the wounds take far longer to heal.



CockneyRebel
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21 Dec 2009, 12:44 am

I feel that way about any type of violence.


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Eggman
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21 Dec 2009, 1:49 am

Woman can cause sexual abuse


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Tom
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21 Dec 2009, 4:06 am

violence by women may be a problem for some people but has not effected people i know as much, therefore i have no reason to talk about it here.



lotusblossom
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21 Dec 2009, 5:02 am

Tom wrote:
Most of the girlfriends or close female friends I have had, have had a violent, abusive father or ex who they feared and talked about all the time, although the person was never around, they always talked about them and the idea of them coming for them seems to always hangs around for them. I often worry about female friends, partners, my sister, they have all had violent men in their lives at some point. It makes me feel really bad about myself as I've never been violent or tough myself so I don't know how I'd handle such a person if i had to someday.

my sister was nearly grabbed by a gang of men once, she shouted and ran and got away, but that made me so anxious, i really turned up obsession in exercixe and boxing, (which i was already trying to do), people complimented me at the time and said i looked more buff, and i felt more confident while enjoying boxing classes, but it still never really made me feel completely happy.

things like this give me lots of anger and stress, i do dwell on it sometimes, though i try to concentrate on healthy thoughts. it really makes me angry and sad that women i care about have had to put up with such, i know its much many times worse for them actually having gone through it than me just having to think about it, but i do dwell on it sometimes.

I'm not that different either as i have anger in myself too and i once said to my girlfriend "anyone other guy would have hit you" when angry at her. But that just makes me feel worse about it.


It is not your job to protect the women in your life so I dont think you need to worry about not being tough enough. The correct thing to do if a violent incident is occuring or is about to, is to call the police, Im sure you could do that easily enough.

and dont feel too bad for saying "any other guy would have hit you" because you did not hit anyone, its very different to want to hit someone and to actually do it.



Danielismyname
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21 Dec 2009, 5:14 am

00 buckshot makes me feel safe.

If people don't take steps to protect themselves, and they have the chance, I don't feel too much, as violent and bad people are a part of our species.



Tom
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21 Dec 2009, 5:49 am

I couldnt sit and call the police if a loved one of mine was being attacked. I am sure i would at least try to protect them. if i couldnt do that i couldnt live with myself.



Tom
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21 Dec 2009, 5:53 am

Is it really realistic, say if a mans sister was being attacked, for him to just stand and watch while calling the police. Is that something any human could or should really do.



Tom
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21 Dec 2009, 2:06 pm

I am obsessing over these issues and would like others thoughts. thank you.



lotusblossom
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21 Dec 2009, 2:16 pm

Tom wrote:
I couldnt sit and call the police if a loved one of mine was being attacked. I am sure i would at least try to protect them. if i couldnt do that i couldnt live with myself.


do you really think you are different to me, or your mum or a little old lady, all of whom would have to call the police in that situation. They/I have to walk around knowing they are less strong than others. Yet we do all walk around unscared and feeling ok. I would tell you to stop ruminating and obsessing on this. We can not control when we die, something has to 'take us out' at some point, its best to let go of fears of when that will happen as we really cant prevent it. We also cant prevent it happening to those around us either.

You clearly have issues with feeling a 'real man' and you should do some introspection and logically check if your ideas are correct or not true and if they gel with your core values. I know you are not a masoginist so really you should not think that you should act differently in situations from how a woman does and let go of this idea that 'macho' is such a fabulous phenomena.



Jak
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21 Dec 2009, 3:30 pm

I fear violence and such all the time from anyone due to past traumas.



Tom
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21 Dec 2009, 4:11 pm

i dont think its so much a real fear of me or loved ones being attacked so much as a general anger and power-less ness about it. You are right, I care about the safety of others and would much rather run and do the safest thing than put them in danger to prove myself macho. i think the real issue for me tho, is not any real fear but a general low anger inside at it all.



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01 Sep 2010, 5:04 am

"do you really think you are different to me, or your mum or a little old lady, all of whom would have to call the police in that situation."

thank you for the confidence boost of saying i am as strong as a little old lady. Here is a deal i will stop being insecure when you stop obsessing over exercise, caking yourself in make up and shaving your arms before you leave the house. :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: