Tom wrote:
Most of the girlfriends or close female friends I have had, have had a violent, abusive father or ex who they feared and talked about all the time, although the person was never around, they always talked about them and the idea of them coming for them seems to always hangs around for them. I often worry about female friends, partners, my sister, they have all had violent men in their lives at some point. It makes me feel really bad about myself as I've never been violent or tough myself so I don't know how I'd handle such a person if i had to someday.
my sister was nearly grabbed by a gang of men once, she shouted and ran and got away, but that made me so anxious, i really turned up obsession in exercixe and boxing, (which i was already trying to do), people complimented me at the time and said i looked more buff, and i felt more confident while enjoying boxing classes, but it still never really made me feel completely happy.
things like this give me lots of anger and stress, i do dwell on it sometimes, though i try to concentrate on healthy thoughts. it really makes me angry and sad that women i care about have had to put up with such, i know its much many times worse for them actually having gone through it than me just having to think about it, but i do dwell on it sometimes.
I'm not that different either as i have anger in myself too and i once said to my girlfriend "anyone other guy would have hit you" when angry at her. But that just makes me feel worse about it.
It is not your job to protect the women in your life so I dont think you need to worry about not being tough enough. The correct thing to do if a violent incident is occuring or is about to, is to call the police, Im sure you could do that easily enough.
and dont feel too bad for saying "any other guy would have hit you" because you did not hit anyone, its very different to want to hit someone and to actually do it.