Words are words.

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That's all they are. I'm feeling SO much pain, but all I did there is string together five different word's and added capitalisation too add empathises. Words are too preset and rigid. So unlike thoughts and emotion. How can I ever describe how I feel on this page? Maybe if I were to describe something simple and primitive, maybe that might be somewhat easy, but all this... what exactly can I say? Maybe I could use a more powerful word like 'extremely', but what would that do? The simple thing is that this is text, and no matter that I do with it it is not going to do more than conjure up a general sense of a negativity. Pain is a word. Look at it. It's a word. It's a vague representation of a feeling, a feeling that everyone has experienced. Perhaps I could use metaphors - there's a black hole in my chest and a supernova in my head - but seriously, what are metaphors made up of? Everyone says they understand but, simply put, they don't. There's a black hole in my chest and a supernova in my head, I say, indicating that I am feeling a lot of emotional and mental pain - 'I understand', they say. What do you understand? What it's like to experience a lot of emotional and mental pain? There's an infinite number of levels and an infinite number of perspectives, it is far from possible to have felt exactly what I have. Maybe words are enough to the simple minded, maybe, but as you see I am not simple minded... maybe the only word that really matters is that 'exactly' I used there... or 'maybe'. Anyway I'm going to kill myself tomorrow night.

Okay.

Words is words.

And even those who have been where I was [not even discussing you] do not KNOW, do not UNDERSTAND what it felt like and why it felt like that.

And my experience is not relevant to you, as theirs was not relevant to me. And you can and will do what you can and will do. And the king cannot stop the tide from coming in, evenif the tide wants to stay out.

So - forget words.

Forget argument.

But I WILL say:

Don't

Wait

Hang on

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

On the "killing yourself tomorrow night" thing... I don't recommend it.

As a person who works in the mis-communication arts I can really relate to the idea that words simply cannot express the things you feel and think. In fact the frustrating aspect of any attempt to communicate is that no matter how skilled you are at communication, you are still at the mercy of the audience's ability to meet you half way. In the end, the best an artist can do is to express themselves in the best way they can and then let the audience make of it what they will. Some will understand you very well. Others will ignore you entirely. Still others will understand something completely different from what you tried to say, but their understanding will be just as useful to them as it would have had they understood you perfectly.

We are all alone, trying to communicate through various forms of cobbled together languages. But words just don't do it in many situations. Sometimes to only way to express what you are going through is through photography or music or dance or some other form of art.

Finding a way to express yourself well is something that takes a long lifetime to learn. It is amazing how many artists, deep into old age make comments about how they are continuing to learn and grow and maybe if they have five more years, they'll finally be good at what they do.

We often don't get a lot of favors from life. It's hard and quitting may seem like a real good idea. But there is a euphoria to working hard to communicate and finding one day that you are better at it now than you were the day before. Keep working at it and you will find a way to say something that will utterly amaze another person.

First, don't be killing yourself. What that really does is leave all the wreckage and pain for everyone else to deal with. The ramifications are huge.
You can and will learn how to sort out your head and lessen the pain.

'you have a supernova in your head' - yes they are words, it is the only other form of communication along with body language and behavior.

Yes, I don't know how your supernova feels for you personally, but what I can do is empathize because I also have had supernova's in my head.

Empathy - that is how we can relate. And yes that is hard for a lot of Aspies, but not all.
Like, I don't really know what it is like to lose a child since I never have, but I can empathize like hell, imagine the excruciating pain and feel the pain of my friends who have. All parents can do this because it is their greatest fear.

Yes, I don't know how your supernova feels for you personally, but I think of it like pregnancy and birth. It is all the same process for everyone but every experience is different, bits and pieces may be similar but that does not mean that the experience is not understood and related to. (if you can't relate to the pregnancy thing then substitute the word cancer, life, laughing, poverty, or whatever).

Why, why,why, .. because your sixteen and have not learned how to cope yet.
Life changes at sixteen my daughter was in rehab, a slut and had an abortion. Fast forward sixteen years and she had two fabulous girls, is a terrific mom and is an invaluable member of my staff at my restaurant. Who knew? surprised the hell out of me.

Please don't kill yourself. It would make me very sad, if you did that.

During my undergraduate years, I also found that I could experience similar emotions in many ways, and that no matter how vivid my descriptions of them were, I always recognized that no one else would understand them. I later learned that analyzing one's emotions allows one to describe them very precisely, if one overlooks the physical sensations themselves and goes into the role of the emotions.

And, like the above posters, I don't think you should kill yourself. Why are you planning on doing that, anyway?